Ways to drive your wife crazy

[MudPies]

1. Start singing "Jingle Bells" in August.

Works every time.

next...

[Brad Gregg]

Walk into the house carrying a new piece of gear.

[neil99]

Just plain old walking in the house works for me.......

[Boobala]

Breathing

[RL in Fla]

Whatever I did didn't work ... she left while she was still sane .....

[Ed Reed]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpXPCJUC2Kw

[Bryan316]

Speak like AAAHHnold Shwarzenegger. All. Day. Long.

[MudPies]

LOL. Good one Bryan.

[Bryan316]

Here's a really wierd one.... go to a fabric store, buy some cheapo fabric. Cut it into a medieval tunic with just a neck hole, and wear ONLY that, with one of HER belts to keep it closed. And make references to the Ragnarok and vacationing in Midgaard next summer.

[Rattles]

Breathing


Yep! That'll do it every time! :Devil :rotflmao

[mark norwine]

leave drawers open. kitchen cabinets, too.

[Tripower455]

Breathing


+1. Waking up breathing is enough for my wife........

[dhdfoster]

Put on shorts with a belt. Tuck ugly print shirt into shorts and pull them up as high as you can. Put on socks with sandals and walk around saying "Give grandpa a hug".

[teleman1]

Me not being to answer yes or no questions when I know either means trouble. I develop a quik stutter.

[IIIBOOMERIII]

Fall asleep on the coach with your hand down the front of your
pants in mid scratch.:D

Tell her, "I need to buy this guitar because there is no way I
can loose money on this one!"

I can not believe she still loves me.

Or drop her a subtle hint by sing a solo version of Nirvana's "Rape Me"
with the PA and Marshall cranked up so loud that the neighbors can hear
you.

[Frankee]

I do the "Grocery Game" with my wife........

Go to the grocery store with your wife, and when she isn't looking start stashing really weird items under the regular groceries......great fun when when she gets to the checkout.

I usually go for stuff like:

Pig snouts in a jar

Cans of Hormel calf brains

Depends

Kinky flavored/scented KY Jelly

Jars of Gefilte fish

Pretty much anything that makes the wife facepalm is good.

[semi-hollowbody]

make sure USED kleenex, dental floss, q-tips, NEVER make it into the trash can, but always on the floor next to it...

After you pee, wash your hands and let them drip dry on the floor in front of the toilet to make it look like you peed all over the floor...

Shave once a week, and leave ALL the whiskers and cream residue on the sink basin, do NOT rinse it off

do NOT I repeat do NOT EVER flush bowel movements...

When her friends are over fart and burp and blame it on her...when her friends call, tell them "can I have her call you back, she is in the john a gruntin and a groanin, pinching off a mean one I suppose"

put containers of milk, juice, condements, any and everything BACK in the fridge empty or just about empty

leave half-drank cans of soda ALL over the house...

put empty ice trays back in the freezer...

when she buys diet this or that, hide ALL but the last one (to make it look like you ate all but one)

turn the volume on ALL the tv's and stereos up full blast before shutting off...and when she turns stuff on and its blaring, yell at her to "turn that damned crapp down, what is wrong with you, are you rude"?

If she tells you NOT to eat the leftovers, she wants em, nuke them over and over so when she goes to eat them they are unedible...

Use her batroom squeegee to wash your butt and privates, let her know you do this

when she sets the dvr o record one of her stupid chick shows, change the settings so it records History channel WWII stuff or sports...muwahaha

when you do laundry, do NOT dry her panties, fold them and put them away wet...same with bras...

if she has a nightstand drawer with "personal" items, keep opening it wide open when guests are over...maybe turn the "electrical personal items" on so the vibrating noises can be heard

go on her computer and visit EVERY porn site you can think of so when her bible thumping mom comes over, uses the computer, the history is chock full of disgusting sites like midgetsandnuns.com for example...

scan your butt and privates on her new scanner, make tons of copies (using ALL her new photo paper) and leave them all over the house...

make a 1000 copies of the Gibson Es-335 from Premier Guitar and leave the copies all over the house...

lock her cats in her shoe/purse closet all day so they are sure to poop and pee all over her shoes

[bigdaddy]

It's a short drive, she could probably walk.

[offbeat]

Fail to remember something she neglected to tell you in the first place.

[It's Time!]

One way to drive your wife crazy is to interrupt her while she's trying to count.

It goes like this:

Wife: 1,2,3

Husband: Hey honey?

Wife: I was counting and you made me lose my place!

Husband: Honey, I'm sorry!

Wife: Why don't you go somewhere and DIE!!!

[Luke]

Tell her your girl friend is easier to get along with.

[GlueMan]

Tell her your girl friend is easier to get along with.

Or her sister! :Devil

[stratzrus]

Leave her at home with the kids and go clubbing. Surprisingly my ex had a bad reaction to that. Who knew?

[MudPies]

Did you dress like this? I'd be pissed too.

http://mos.totalfilm.com/images/a/a-night-at-the-roxbury-800-75.jpg

[Hacksaw]

When she sets something down I move it somewhere else. :D

[twferrill]

Nothing makes my wife angrier than me napping in the middle of the day.

[Count_Chocolat]

It's the little things you do that are very effective. Move things around, just a little. If you see a center piece on a table, move it off center by an inch and watch!!!:rotflmao

[stratman34]

I think we are in trouble. All those things you say do, drive ME crazy. Like not closing cabinet doors, not rinsing dishes, or having table placement symmetry off by an inch! Those kinds of things drive me friggin' nuts!

The best way for me to annoy the wife is to log onto an internet forum or start browsing ebay/craisglist/guitarcenter.com, etc. She talks, and I don't hear. She strikes, and I don't feel pain. I. Am. Comfortably. Numb.

[Section10]

guitar forums

[Tonemeister69]

Not being able to give her a good answer when she asks me what to wear. My response is always the same: “Heels…” :D

[MudPies]

"Honey, what should I wear to work today?"

:: me/ points at the closet full of clothes ::

"That!"

[OlAndrew]

practicing the same riff over and over for an hour or so, usually missing a note in the same place...might want to put it on the big amp to make sure it sounds just right...

[bluesjunior]

Call them by their mothers, sisters or an ex-girlfriends friends name. If they don't particularly get on with the person multiply the effect of the expected explosion by 5.

[MudPies]

I'd be shot if I called her by her sister's name (since her sis slept with her ex hubby less than a year after they married, but I guess there's unconditional love involved. She just doesn't like her sis that much anymore)

:)

Oh, and her sis is rather unattractive to me so I don't know what first hubby was thinking.

[90wreck]

Nothing makes my wife angrier than me napping in the middle of the day.

lol.. Mine is well.
Her "What am I suppose to do when you are napping?"
Me "Be very very quiet".

[Glowing Tubes]

Walk into the house carrying a new piece of gear.
*Ding, we have a winner

[Midnight Lady]

leave drawers open. Kitchen cabinets, too.

this!

go to the grocery store with your wife, and when she isn't looking start stashing really weird items under the regular groceries......great fun when when she gets to the checkout.

..and this!

[Twangmaster]

do NOT replace the empty roll of asswipe.

always make sure her car is out of gas when you return it.

wash her 100% cotton stuff in Hot water and high heat dryer.




and for the most bang for the buck........

put plastic wrap on the toilet bowl, then be sure to lower the seat and close the lid!

[FiestaRed]

http://celtic.theoffside.com/files/2008/08/dutch-oven.jpg

[fox5150]

lol.. Mine is well.
Her "What am I suppose to do when you are napping?"
Me "Be very very quiet".

This made me laugh out loud!! LOVE IT :rotflmao:rotflmao:rotflmao

[shredtrash]

I sing my "Good Morning" song to her really loud as soon as she wakes up. She HATES that!

[Geppetto]

Saying "I don't know" in response to a question regarding some subject about which I have absolutely no knowldege.

[amigo30]

Remain calm when she gets emotional. It drives them nuts...

[DGDGBD]

walk around the house with guitar playing the same noodling riff over and over and over and over and over and over

[MudPies]

Just did this one. Stare at her for a while. Once she notices and asks why you're staring just say "because" and keep staring. Tickle fits are sure to follow. :)

[scott757]

Tell her you are reading a "Ways to drive your wife crazy" thread on TGP.

[FiestaRed]

Things my wife doesn't like:

Whistling
Traffic (not the band)
noisy neighbors
rollercoasters
Smelling salts under her nose at 2 in the morning

[louderock]

Put clear saran wrap over the toilet opening but under the seat. Stretch is smooth so you can't see it.

[michael.e]

I think we are in trouble. All those things you say do, drive ME crazy. Like not closing cabinet doors, not rinsing dishes, or having table placement symmetry off by an inch! Those kinds of things drive me friggin' nuts!

The best way for me to annoy the wife is to log onto an internet forum or start browsing ebay/craisglist/guitarcenter.com, etc. She talks, and I don't hear. She strikes, and I don't feel pain. I. Am. Comfortably. Numb.

Will yo marry me??:love:

[Boobala]

Get your girlfriend a more expensive Christmas present. :rimshot

[rog951]

Hide her crazy pills! :nono

[Doug H]

Get lost driving to the store. Sometimes we take a route similar to the route I take to work and I slip into "auto pilot mode" and miss exits, etc...

[5E3]

Walk into the house carrying a new piece of gear.
:roll

Good one!

[sunburstrat]

practicing the same riff over and over for an hour or so, usually missing a note in the same place...might want to put it on the big amp to make sure it sounds just right...

My wife is fairly musical also, so I love coming up with a really catchy melody and just vever hitting the resolve quite right, and doing it over and over and over. She starts yelling "half step up asshole!"

[demillso]

My wife really hates "That's what she said" jokes and has this really cute way of yelling at me while trying not to laugh.

[73171]

I have a high frequency hearing loss in both ears....verified by our doctor..so my wife can no longer claim that I have "Husband Deafness" !!!! :rotflmao


It still drives her nuts even though she knows I really can't hear her.......

[silencer eleven]

I spit granola on my computer screen at work reading that.

Put on shorts with a belt. Tuck ugly print shirt into shorts and pull them up as high as you can. Put on socks with sandals and walk around saying "Give grandpa a hug".

[hydropnik]

Playing covered wagon when she's just about to fall asleep.

[Virtual Pariah]

The Wife? No.
Various GF's? Yes.

1. Buying New Gear and claiming that it's one I've had for "ages".
2. Leaving the toilet seat down while urinating. (dribbling)
3. Leaving just 1 measly curly hair on the guest soap.
4. Leaving 1 swallow of milk or oj, in the fridge.
5. Football on Sunday -All Day Sunday.
6. Taking care of problem #3 by means of her razor.


Plenty of ways..

[NuSkoolTone]

make sure USED kleenex, dental floss, q-tips, NEVER make it into the trash can, but always on the floor next to it...

After you pee, wash your hands and let them drip dry on the floor in front of the toilet to make it look like you peed all over the floor...

Shave once a week, and leave ALL the whiskers and cream residue on the sink basin, do NOT rinse it off

do NOT I repeat do NOT EVER flush bowel movements...

When her friends are over fart and burp and blame it on her...when her friends call, tell them "can I have her call you back, she is in the john a gruntin and a groanin, pinching off a mean one I suppose"

put containers of milk, juice, condements, any and everything BACK in the fridge empty or just about empty

leave half-drank cans of soda ALL over the house...

put empty ice trays back in the freezer...

when she buys diet this or that, hide ALL but the last one (to make it look like you ate all but one)

turn the volume on ALL the tv's and stereos up full blast before shutting off...and when she turns stuff on and its blaring, yell at her to "turn that damned crapp down, what is wrong with you, are you rude"?

If she tells you NOT to eat the leftovers, she wants em, nuke them over and over so when she goes to eat them they are unedible...

Use her batroom squeegee to wash your butt and privates, let her know you do this

when she sets the dvr o record one of her stupid chick shows, change the settings so it records History channel WWII stuff or sports...muwahaha

when you do laundry, do NOT dry her panties, fold them and put them away wet...same with bras...

if she has a nightstand drawer with "personal" items, keep opening it wide open when guests are over...maybe turn the "electrical personal items" on so the vibrating noises can be heard

go on her computer and visit EVERY porn site you can think of so when her bible thumping mom comes over, uses the computer, the history is chock full of disgusting sites like midgetsandnuns.com for example...

scan your butt and privates on her new scanner, make tons of copies (using ALL her new photo paper) and leave them all over the house...

make a 1000 copies of the Gibson Es-335 from Premier Guitar and leave the copies all over the house...

lock her cats in her shoe/purse closet all day so they are sure to poop and pee all over her shoes


Dude you've got ISSUES. LOL :rotflmao

[patl]

Tell her I'm not doing the laundry; that's womens' work.

[plexirocker 68]

One day my wife says to me "all you want me for is sex"


I paused for a moment then said "not true I want you to cook and clean too" ;)

That'll shut 'em up

plexi

[CharlieS]

I hope the wives don't scan this thread...there will be copies printed for their attorneys. :hide

[funkmaster]

"Honey there was this maestro fuzz at a garage sale! I had to buy it."

[stratman34]

Forget to take the trash out.


For around 10 years or so.

[Albanez]

Tell her, honey we are going out fot a meal twice a week you can go Thursday and i`ll go Saturday.