Lawns

[HurricaneJesus]

...what a pain in the ass.:bonk

[seafoamer]

Rip it out and make gardens. Much better use of the land!

[yellowecho]

Ageed. I really hope I can eventually get a rural home so I don't have to play by suburban rules.:boxer

[shakeshakeshake]

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[Flyin' Brian]

Mother Nature: Hey #1 Elf, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect "no maintenance" garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

Her #1 Elf: It's the tribes that settled there, Ma’am. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

Mother Nature: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

Her #1 Elf: Apparently so, Ma’am. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

Mother Nature: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

Her #1 Elf: Apparently not, Ma’am. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it... sometimes twice a week.

Mother Nature: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

Her #1 Elf: Not exactly, Ma’am. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

Mother Nature: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

Her #1 Elf: No Ma’am. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

Mother Nature: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

Her #1 Elf: Yes, Ma’am.

Mother Nature: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

Her #1 Elf: You are not going to believe this Ma’am. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

Mother Nature: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

Her #1 Elf: You better sit down, Ma’am. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

Mother Nature: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

Her #1 Elf: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

Mother Nature: And where do they get this mulch?

Her #1 Elf: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

Mother Nature: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. Husband, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

Her Husband: "Dumb and Dumber", dear. It's a real stupid movie about.....

Mother Nature: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from my #1 Elf.

[BigViolin]

A nice green lawn tells the world you are a good person.

I almost said that with a straight face.

I'm with Brian.

[stvnscott]

Just don't mow it before noon or you're a jerk.

[Doodad]

We are mostly woods and no HOA, but I like a nice front lawn. This summer with the heat and humidity has been hell on my poor fescue. That and my idiot absentee landlord next door who mows over the property line into my yard and cuts the grass to about an inch like it was bermuda or something.

[pmcqueen]

http://koi-z-are-us.20m.com/zen01.jpg

this is what my front yard will look like (when I have one)
**** GRASS.

[stvnscott]

^ So.... You will have a phallic statue thingy?

[pmcqueen]

^ So.... You will have a phallic statue thingy?

well, no, I'll just use a huge inflatable penis. I'm not trying to be ambiguous about anything.

[msr13]

I gave up and got a kid on the block to mow it. Half the time I am tempted to just pave the whole bloody thing over.

[semi-hollowbody]

I just bought all new lawn equipment so I dont mind mowing it...plus I put 2 big gardens and a 15' diameter pool in the back'ard so there isnt as much to mow as their used to be...:)

[neastguy]

i got me one of these to do the work... she's about 4 months prego... gotta keep em working all the time else they gets lazy
http://neastguy.smugmug.com/Family/Alexandria/Alexandria-Year-2/DSC0027/333700357_fDTW5-L.jpg

[mark norwine]

We're working with a landscape designer right now.....ripping out 75% of the backyard lawn in favor of gardens, perennials & annuals combined. Two, new trees, too!

The rest will remain grass, but all-new sod.

Not cheap, but it will be nice.

[Sandy]

i got me one of these to do the work... she's about 4 months prego... gotta keep em working all the time else they gets lazy
http://neastguy.smugmug.com/Family/Alexandria/Alexandria-Year-2/DSC0027/333700357_fDTW5-L.jpg

IIRC you posted this same pix a year or so ago with the same line. Is your wife pregnant again? :)

[stratman34]

Ageed. I really hope I can eventually get a rural home so I don't have to play by suburban rules.:boxer

Agreed. I really hope I can eventually get a rural home so I don't have to play by HOA rules.

[yodude]

I've never cared about my lawn. I have a 3 acre property with maybe 2 acres of "grass" Most of it is weeds, but it looks good when freshly cut

[tholmes]

Just don't mow it before noon or you're a jerk.

You wouldn't want to live in my neighborhood. I usually start on the lawn about 7:30 on Saturday morning, and I'm one of the later ones.:rotflmao

It gets WAY too hot to mow by noon.

Tom

[stratman34]

You wouldn't want to live in my neighborhood. I usually start on the lawn about 7:30 on Saturday morning, and I'm one of the later ones.:rotflmao

It gets WAY too hot to mow by noon.

Tom


You ain't kiddin. If it isn't cleaned up and put away by about 9:30am, it's unbearable. I'll quit and resume about 8pm.

[GAD]

Man up and get a REAL mower. This thing cut my mowing time in half and the lawn looks amazing. I'd have to mow six times with the old tractor to equal one pass with this thing. AND I'm getting exercise. :)

http://www.gad.net/GAD/LawnMower/_B0Z1426_800.jpg

[stratman34]

Man up and get a REAL mower. This thing cut my mowing time in half and the lawn looks amazing. I'd have to mow six times with the old tractor to equal one pass with this thing. AND I'm getting exercise. :)

http://www.gad.net/GAD/LawnMower/_B0Z1426_800.jpg


Well, I surprised it only took six passes. There's no mowing deck under there... :D

[Pally]

Lawns are so 20th century. We're taking ours out, and putting in natural plants, etc.

[GAD]

Lawns are so 20th century. We're taking ours out, and putting in natural plants, etc.

Grass is a natural plant... :bonk

Well, I surprised it only took six passes. There's no mowing deck under there... :D

D'oh - I KNEW it didn't feel right!

[goodwill559]

Grass is a natural plant... :bonk

I'm pretty sure he meant indigenous, i.e., native to his respective locale, when he typed 'natural.' :bonk

[Doodad]

Our unwritten rule in our neighborhood is about 0800 on Saturdays and 1000 on Sundays. Works well and you lose a few pounds in the summer regardless.

Ugh, raining here this evening again with summer thunderstorms. Gonna be a wet heavy mow tomorrow. New puppy so nothing has been done in a week. sigh.

[GuitarTone]

If you're too lazy to maintain a lawn, I can assure you maintaining a Japanese garden is 10 times more work.

http://koi-z-are-us.20m.com/zen01.jpg

this is what my front yard will look like (when I have one)
**** GRASS.

[newswede]

Know what you mean. Mine is on 3 levels and a pain to mow. Have to lift the mower twice and...ahh, a pain, but it looks great when I get the energy to mow it!

[pmcqueen]

If you're too lazy to maintain a lawn, I can assure you maintaining a Japanese garden is 10 times more work.

I'm not too lazy, I just don't like grass.

my dad had a patch in the back yard that he turned into a mini zen garden and I loved that thing.. had some little Japanese shrubs & a Japanese maple in it and I would go out there with the rake and make little patterns and re-arrange rocks for hours on end. we would get sand from any beach/river/lake we went to and add it to the pile. was a really cool thing.

if I end up with acres upon acres of land with grass, that's a different story. I just refuse to have a cookie cutter front lawn.

[Flyin' Brian]

I'm not too lazy, I just don't like grass.
I just refuse to have a cookie cutter front lawn.

Amen brother....+ 1,000

[BigViolin]

If you're too lazy to maintain a lawn, I can assure you maintaining a Japanese garden is 10 times more work.

Everyone that doesn't maintain a lawn is lazy.

Now that's some good ole american logic right there.:D

[Flyin' Brian]

Everyone that doesn't maintain a lawn is lazy.

Now that's some good ole american logic right there.:D

Yep. And if you have a garden in it's place you're just sitting around on your lazy ass looking at it fence, plow, prepare, plant, fertilize, water, weed, debug, varmint proof, and harvest itself.

[stvnscott]

You wouldn't want to live in my neighborhood. I usually start on the lawn about 7:30 on Saturday morning, and I'm one of the later ones.:rotflmao

It gets WAY too hot to mow by noon.

Tom

He was goofing on a thread from last weekend in which everyone was dogging people who mow at 7 in the morning to avoid heat stroke.
:D

[Tony Foran]

Yep. And if you have a garden in it's place you're just sitting around on your lazy ass looking at it fence, plow, prepare, plant, fertilize, water, weed, debug, varmint proof, and harvest itself.


Pics?

[Flyin' Brian]

Pics?

So easy and obvious, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

http://www.lasc.be/settlement/images/sodhouse.jpg

[plagtr2]

Not a fan of mowing either. Our most fun comes in the fall though. 17 trees. LOTS of leaves. Most I put out on a weekend was 76 bags of chopped leaves. Ugh. Shade is nice, but the upkeep sucks.

[Tony Foran]

So easy and obvious, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

http://www.lasc.be/settlement/images/sodhouse.jpg


That 's the best you can do? I was hoping you'd show us your natural, low maintenence yard . :dunno

[Flyin' Brian]

That 's the best you can do? I was hoping you'd show us your natural, low maintenence yard . :dunno


Here it is with some of the HOA

http://www.ljplus.ru/img/m/a/madeinmoscow/ArmySFMarijuana.jpg


They might get after me though

http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/ama/lowres/aman238l.jpg

[neastguy]

IIRC you posted this same pix a year or so ago with the same line. Is your wife pregnant again? :)

no she is not prego now!(thank god)... but I don't have a recent picture of her cutting.. I might have one of her spreading 40lb pound bags of rocks over our landscaping.. I'll have to look.....

[HoboMan]

My yard is 1.25 acre. I hate cutting the grass.
Took me three days this week. Started on Tuesday. Got a little over halfway and the tractor died on me.
Wednesday I try to fix it but can't figure out what's wrong. I break out the weed eater and it runs out of cutting line after about three minutes.
I go back to the tractor and find out it's a disconnected wire. I start cutting again but it got dark.
Thursday I buy cutting line for the weed eater. I finish the entire lawn.

Here it is Saturday and it's almost time to cut it again!

[Midnight Lady]

We don't live in the city anymore. We're very rural and on a lake. It's a small community of 50 families (although there are 2500 homes on the entire lake). Part of the lake is a bird sanctuary.

In Ontario, it is now illegal to use herbicides. The shoreline must be left completely natural for birds (like loons) who cannot walk well and build nests immediately beside the water. There are stringent rules about septic systems.

So the "lawn" is green but it is not just grass. I personally do not care about this. If it is mowed, it looks fine to anyone passing by on the water or on the road.


Oh yeah - and I have a clothesline too.