Has the loss of a close friend caused you to quit playing?

[bigdee183]

I had a close friend that we played a ton of shows back in the day. He helped me out more than I can say. We both had taken a break from playing when we got married although we still played a little in dofferent bands. He had just finished a teaching degree and was excited about starting a career teaching music. He and I were talking about puting an old band back together to help clean up his brother who was strung out on drugs. When we played he stayed clean but when we were not, all he done was party. He ended up shooting my friend in the head because he was affraid that we were out to get him. That day we actually lost two great musicians, my friend lost his life and once his brother realized what he had done, he lost his mind and is locked up. It really tore me up to the point that I never wanted to step foot on a stage ever. That was seven years ago. Five years later some friends asked me to run sound for their band and I was happy just doing that for a few months. They lost their singer and bass player and had some gigs lined up that they didnt want to loose so they asked me to help out. It was very hard for me to explain to them why I didnt want to do it. I did it but it felt so wrong but so right. It was hard to play without my friend but it also felt like he was there playing through me. He was always a better guitar player than me and that night I was playing like I never had before. Now Two years later Im still playing with these guys and we are getting some great shows. We're great friends and all have the same visions of where we want this band to go. Life is good again. I never realized how happy I was when I was playing until I had almost given up.

Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anyone else has had an experiance like it.

[mcdes]

Or, you could take your time, then use the situation to write songs?

But nevertheless, I'm sorry for your loss.

[Amp360]

About a year before I got married I was playing the clubs and trying to get my stuff together. I had a band that did ok - we got a record deal and got dropped and I was bouncing up and down the east coast trying to make a living. I was playing my music, trying to make a living with my software company (it was before I sold) and doing a ton of session work.

My best friend since I was in the second grade (who played bass with me) were in a horrible accident after a show. He was killed instantly and I had some injuries but was ok. I was wearing a seat belt and he wasn't - and this guy was a habitual seat belt person, as am I. I even have pics from that show.

It was very, very hard and I still think about him pretty much every day.

I never thought about giving up playing. If anything, it was the one thing that kept me sane throughout the whole ordeal.

I learned a lot about who my real friends were and I also learned a lot about dealing with things. They say things happen for a reason but I can assure you that is not true. Some things happen for no reason.

Most importantly for myself it gave me a lot more patience and also made me work 500x harder then I already worked. It also taught me not to sweat the small stuff.

This person was someone that I did everything with. I smoked my first cigarette, drank my first beer, skipped school, etc... pretty much everything growing up. We even always ended up dating girls that were best friends.

Eventually you will move forward. In the grand scheme of humanity what I went through was nothing but it did teach me that the human mind can move past anything and that things will be ok.

Not something I like to talk about, but I just want you to know I can probably understand what you're feeling. If you need to pm me feel free.

[Deathmonkey]

Playing is the only thing that allows me to cope with losses like that.

I wrote this after a friend passed from cancer. It's super simple, and not very well performed, lol, but writing and sharing it helped both myself and my friends more than I thought it could. I find that sharing the bittersweet memories of happiness is better than solitary dwelling on the sadness - and I say that as a solitary dweller.

rl9Rxyp7Rdg

Glad to hear you're back in the saddle. I have to think it's what your friends would want for you. :aok

[bigdee183]

Thanks. I know what you mean about not talking about it. Like I said this happened about seven years ago and I stopped playing for 5 years. Its just been in the last two years that I have been able to talk about this. I still think about both brothers every time I go on stage. I still feel sorry for the brother that killed him because I know the kind of person that he was and that it was the drugs that caused him to kill his brother.
It took some good friends to get me back to playing. Im 43 and this will most likely be the last band that I play in. It may last another year or it may last twenty. I guess Im saying that I dont want to play with anyone else.

[DWB1960]

rl9Rxyp7Rdg



That was so heartfelt and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.

[EL34]

Playing is the only thing that allows me to cope with losses like that.

I wrote this after a friend passed from cancer. It's super simple, and not very well performed, lol, but writing and sharing it helped both myself and my friends more than I thought it could. I find that sharing the bittersweet memories of happiness is better than solitary dwelling on the sadness - and I say that as a solitary dweller.

rl9Rxyp7Rdg

Glad to hear you're back in the saddle. I have to think it's what your friends would want for you. :aok

Man, that was beautiful....seriously, the best thing I've heard in a long time. That's what music is all about...

[mprvise]

My brother - a drummer and often bandmate - died in 2001. I pretty much quit playing until 2005, when a good friend was getting back to playing after a near death experience and long layoff. It took time, a lot of long motorcycle rides, and the right situation before I felt like I could really play music again. Tough times for sure.

[Hacksaw]

My brother - a drummer and often bandmate - died in 2001. I pretty much quit playing until 2005, when a good friend was getting back to playing after a near death experience and long layoff. It took time, a lot of long motorcycle rides, and the right situation before I felt like I could really play music again. Tough times for sure.


Sorry to hear, man.. I didnt know. Your passion for music is strong.


mprvise is one of our hardest working musicians around. :dude

[mprvise]

Sorry to hear, man.. I didnt know. Your passion for music is strong.


mprvise is one of our hardest working musicians around. :dude

Thanks man - we need eat some Ron's Hambugers and jam again soon. Feel free to give a call anytime.

[DGTCrazy]

While I'm sorry for your loss....it wasn't your fault. Fortunately, you figured that out and started playing again. Your gift....and a mad man....have absolutely nothing in common.

[mark norwine]

Has the loss of a close friend caused you to quit playing?

Quit music? No.

Quit a band? Yes.

I was out back cutting the grass, 7/3/2001, when my wife came to me, tears in her eyes. She had just spoken on the phone with my piano player: our dedicated & beloved soundman, Mike Cleary, had unexpectedly died of a massive heart attack. He was 40.

We had gigs booked, and "the show must go on", right?

Luckily for us, a childhood friend of mine owned a pro sound reinforcement company at that time, and while our band & venues were certainly not in the league of the bands / rooms to which he was accustomed, he agreed to step in and mix for us [or send one of his guys] until we could find a more permanent solution.

But even with that generous offer, moving forward was really hard. Much harder than any of us thought it would be. Mikey & I were very close, perhaps closer to each other than I was with any other band member, and I took the whole thing really, really hard. It was a very dark time.

I never considered "quitting music", but as we moved forward, I really didn't enjoy it very much at all any more. Mikey was gone, and, to me, a large part of the camaraderie was lost.

I was a founding member of the band, and had been with them for 7 years. It was getting kind of old anyway, but the darkness of Mike's absence was just too much for me. I left the band several months later.

I still miss him. Most likely always will.

http://everlounge.com/images/soundman.jpg