Working fulltime and trying to play music...

[Mr Deluxe]

Man is it tough... I miss the days when me and the guys would get together 3-4 times a week and play all night long. Music was made, skills were sharp, and the band only got tighter and tighter...

Now a days, if I can find someone to even jam with a couple of times in a month that's a good month. I realize jobs happen, and bills are relentless, but am the only one who can't shake the "Love" for playing/performing music? Maybe it's only around my neck of the woods, but seems like as my friends and I approach the age of 30, they are turning their backs to playing.

I'd hate to say it, but it almost makes me feel crazy for still wanting to "do it".

So How do you guys do it? Whether you are in your 20's or 50's, I know there are guys who can balance their career and a musical night life... or are there?

[SteveO]

I used to do it in my twenties (currently 41), out at the bar until 2:30AM then up for work the next morning at 6:30AM Friday and Saturday mornings (band worked Thurs-Sat nights), then sleep through Sunday.

My current work schedule has me getting up at 3AM and I work on Saturdays, so there is just no way I could make it happen. I do miss it, but I'm at a point in my life where playing out is a very low priority. Even finding people to jam with on Saturday nights is a reach, because I generally start running out of steam around 8PM since I get up so dang early every day.

[Brazen]

I'm over 60 and I still love to play guitar so you're not alone. I'm retired (disabled) too so I have plenty time to play but there's no one around to play. Those that do are deep into thrush and metal and whatnot and I'm into the good ol 70s rock.

Then there's my friends and some play guitar but when we get together there's some jealousy going on. I'm no rock god just fairly decent but I can't work with them and they can't work with me.

I say fug it and play by myself with a drum machine.

[kanderson]

It is tough. I'm 40 and everyone in my band works a full time job. It is really hard to schedule practices much less gigs where everyone can be there. Fortunately three of us in the band are very committed and we tend to make things happen, the other two... well... I'm glad they are in the band but it will never get tight unless they figure out how to balance their jobs / family / and music. It's frustrating but I can't blame them. They are parents too but they haven't figured out how to balance it. I miss those days of putting together a band full of 110% committed people and being tight too. BTW...everyone else in the band are in their 30's except me and the other guitarist.

[tiktok]

Man is it tough... I miss the days when me and the guys would get together 3-4 times a week and play all night long. Music was made, skills were sharp, and the band only got tighter and tighter...

Now a days, if I can find someone to even jam with a couple of times in a month that's a good month. I realize jobs happen, and bills are relentless, but am the only one who can't shake the "Love" for playing/performing music? Maybe it's only around my neck of the woods, but seems like as my friends and I approach the age of 30, they are turning their backs to playing.

I'd hate to say it, but it almost makes me feel crazy for still wanting to "do it".

So How do you guys do it? Whether you are in your 20's or 50's, I know there are guys who can balance their career and a musical night life... or are there?

It can be done, but you can't have much else in your life. Difficult to have a relationship (unless she's in the band) or a family, or other outside interests, even keeping the house clean and tidy. Most people's energy for music diminishes over time, so you just have to find people who feel like you do.

Pretty much everyone has a day job. In my experience, it's having kids that really knocks down people's time, energy and money available for musical activities.

[TheGuildedAge]

Same here. I'm only 33, but I have found I don't miss playing out a bit. I am currently in the studio with a guy making a CD and am already nervous he wants to put a band together after. I just don't care to play for anyone but myself anymore.

[Marty DiBergi]

I have a full time job and I'm married with kids.

I try to play every night after the fam goes to bed.

I'm trying to get a band together and getting discouraged though and wondering whether it's time to hang it up. I'll still play of course, but one side of me says "never give up the dream" and the other says "ain't gonna happen and move on."

I was briefly in a band at the beginning of the year. One of the hightlights in my lowly musical life. I had to audition, go through several rehearsals, and eventually was made a member of the band. The guys were great, the rehearsal was setup like a party with balloons and a "congratulations" banner the day they said I was "in." Busted my a$$ learning 30 of their original songs in about 3 weeks, including comping my own parts and writing solos (the singer/guitarist did almost all of the writing but was very much a rhythm player so I added textures, melodies, and solos where appropriate to serve the song).

3 days after our first gig, with 4 more gigs lined up for Feb the lead singer quit/broke up the band.

I am still friends with the bassist and drummer, and we have jammed a handful of times since then after about 3 months of down time for those dudes (who had been in the band for nearly 2 years) to kind of emotionally re-set.

One of the reasons it was so great was because the two aforementioned dudes are also husbands and fathers and my wife was fully supportive of my endeavor at the time. It was perfect. But now I'm finding they are very busy and it seems a struggle to get us all together in a studio at the same time a measly two times a month.

I don't know the solution, but I feel the OP's pain. I have been thinking about doing the dreaded wading through craiglist looking for "guitarist wanted" ads. The thing is, that when we do get together it is almost always productive, if not magical. We all get along great. And I do a fair amount of writing, so the prospect of being a hired gun to facilitate someone else's vision is not something I am inherently against but at this point, if there is one last shot for me to take, I'd rather not relent.

I'm just a stubborn bastard when it comes to the "dream" I suppose. And to me, the "dream" is to write an album's worth of songs and play for about 25 people in a pizza parlour if need be just to say "I did it" and have people rock out to the things that we created.

[neastguy]

kids were what did me in..... although, I'm currently doing another startup band.... why? I dunno why.... I should just sell everything except my acoustic.... the bar scene is just depressing anyhow.......

[Marty DiBergi]

Also, FWIW, and it's going to take a little bit of extra cash on my part, I've been thinking of tele-rehearsing. I'd like to get some recording equipment and exchange files electronically with the other dudes so that when we do get together we are more likely to be productive and on the same page. I'm hoping that is something that can work out. But, I have no results to share at this point. Off to the "recording" forum...

[AJ Love]

I decided long ago that if I worked a full time job I'd never be able to develop to my full potential as a musician. I need to practice 4-5 hours a day. (I still have a LONG ways to as a musician). So for my entire adult life I've worked fulltime as a musician

The flip side of that is that I can only afford (at present) to own one guitar and one amp. I'm scuffling from gig to gig and money is tighter than tight

[mannish]

I am fixing to be 52 and I don't play gigs that go until 3-4am like I used to - as far as practicing I don't see the issue.

I get off work at 4pm that leaves plenty of time for playing music..? I must be missing something how many hours do you work..?

[Teleking]

My gigging days are likely over. Had a son, work is getting more demanding. It's really difficult to let go of. I still have a fun band I jam with, and my serious original bands will still record and write some tunes, but it can't be an every week, multiple times a week thing.

I'm about to dump a ton of gear. Just actually came to terms with that last night. All the years of collecting and amassing all of this and it's pretty much over.

I can get gigs. I can continue, but family and job just comes first for me, and so the live gigging is likely over. I'm hoping my original projects can play ever 3 months or so just for fun, but I'm not sure if we can do that or not.

Sad day to think about, but it's here for me, and I just came to realize that last night. Now I've got to sell a ton of gear in a bad market.

[Mr Deluxe]

Hey guys, thanks for the responses.

In my case, I was the one who was married young and had to boys in my early twenties. My wife is the daughter of a musician and very supportive of my writing and music, and I've never had an issue with finding time to play out or practice. I'm a carpenter by family trade and have held the same 40-50 hour a week job for almost 10 years now.

It's tough to see the guys I've played with for years decide they want to "grow up", and it isn't as easy to find people to play with these days. I've played out solo for a couple years in the past, and though it had it's moments of greatness, it never compared to the feeling of playing live with a full band. On the flip side, rehearsal went very smooth when I was a solo act :bkw

[duaneallen]

I think that it's possible, you just can't have a brutal job that is 12 hours a day. If it's a regular 9-5, you can do it. Try to find guys in the same boat as you and get together a couple days a week. That should be enough time if you're good musicians, and your FOCUSED; i.e. keep the drinking until after practice. After a while, look for some gigs on weekends only. This way you won't be too burnt out from work. Please do the rest of us full time musicians a favor though, don't play for FREE. :rockin

[Brazen]

I thought about what y'all said about life and I realized that I haven't gigged since the late 70s. It was fun for sure (when you're young). I picked up the guitar again in 97 when I saw the Epi telecaster at the local gas station.

and a Crate 15 watt amp. :)

[twitch]

I'm 42. Married with 2 kids, 8 & 10. I was in a band about 7 years ago, and it was a good situation in that all the guys were laid back. Our goal was to have an outlet to have a good time, but not get too carried away on being committed to doing this or that. We were playing our own music. Without trying too hard, we started getting some decent gigs (relative to being an original band ect). it was great. We stayed grounded, practicing together once a week. For whatever reason we broke up. 4 years went by. I tried to find another band, but simply was not going to find the same type of situation. Life got crazy, shit hit the fan, blah, blah blah. I actually had all my stuff up for sale at one point, my wife talked me out of it. Went long stretches without playing at all. A couple fo years ago, we got a keyboard and my kids started elarning to play. This got me back into music. Then in Feb of 2010, out fo nowhere, my band got back together, after like 4 years apart. It was just what I needed.

We had even less expectations, just missed having fun. We are so much better than we were before. we still only practice together once a week. Do a few gigs, but we just want to have fun. I need that outlet. now i play almost every night.

I think most people need an escape from the dailey grind, and the reality of life. I have had too much time in unhealthy forms of escape, whether it be substance, or other forms, that just cause destruction. Music is a healthy way for me to escape.

Does it have to be a band? No, but having that taste, it is hard for me to be motivated on my own.

So for me, playing music is a way for me to have some healthy balance in my life.

[Mr Deluxe]

Please do the rest of us full time musicians a favor though, don't play for FREE. :rockin

LOL trust me I learned that lesson a long time ago. I was able to make a small living as a house musician for two local places for about 9 months. Was going pretty good too, until someone offered to host open mic nights and do trivia for almost nothing. I'll tell you, the vibe those places had went way downhill once they stopped paying for music, yet people still like to drink and if money is coming in who cares right... :messedup

I think the need for good music in bars is a subject for another thread tho...

[germs]

it's part of growing up, and part of a tight economy in general.

guys who DO play are starting to focus more on their family. and you know what, it's f*cking HARD to walk out the door to the gig or rehearsal when your 2 year old doesn't want you to leave on a weeknight (or wants to come with you)...

even the guys who gig(ged) are focusing more on work. no point in risking your *ss after playing a sh*tty weeknight show when the boss man is looking to cut hours and payroll for ANY reason...

just a sign of the times.

so, if you REALLY want to get out there and play...get better. make yourself as attractive as possible to the people out there still making it happen.

[Mr Deluxe]

germs, damn that was a pretty real response.

You are right on many points here. I guess what I should be focusing more on is myself making new things happen rather then keeping the old days alive. Thanks for the advice (from everyone). It's time to work on being more "attractive", as you rightly put it!

[semi-hollowbody]

i work 50 hours a week...my wife works even more...we have a house and a 2 year old in daycare

So I usually play my guiitar for 1/2 to 1 hour a night...I usually stumble downstairs around 10:00 pm...turn on my amp nice and quiet (so it sounds like shit)...strum a few chords, maybe an intro to a song or 2, until I fall asleep standing up...usually I wake up a couple hours later and hopefully I havent fallen over and broken my guitar...then I slam my guitar down in disgust, stumble back upstairs to bed, and promise myself "tomorrow will be better"...sigh!

[joeburke]

Wait until you get married and have kids. I'm lucky if I get 2 hours a week!

[CharAznable]

I'm married and have a demanding job... we practice once or twice a week.

Gigs is not an issue.. we play epic, dissonant progressive rock fusion, so it's not like we have 4 gigs a week.

[Totally Bored]

Husband,Dad,Full time Job,Musician and Biker. I'm 50 and I never stopped gigging since I was 16 so I don't understand this thread :dunno

Depends on the social circle your in I quess ? All my friends gig and they work day jobs and have family's also. I don't gig as much as I used to. Maybe 1-2 times a month if I'm lucky. We rehearse 1-2 times a month.

I'd gig alot more if someone would book the frekkin gigs :dude

I find that the hardest part of all the juggling.

[zul]

I'll be 46 this October and still play out fortnightly with a jam/cover band mostly on Saturday nights and have played almost daily from the time I started at 10. Have two boys 8 and 10. Wife has been my biggest fan since we first met almost 20 years ago.
I was always very busy with my originals band; 3 to 4 weekly rehearsals in practice room in nyc, R&B 16 person revue that toured east coast during summer, Alvin Ailey Dance Co. gigs, international and national, electronica bands and skronk/noise/free/experimental quartet and whatever I could fit in. Some of the gigs paid exceptionally well while others hardly at all. I was also in college finishing up a couple of masters degrees in nyu and working odd jobs too, so I was just left foot right foot then, but money from music helped pay for much of college. I enjoy performing and most of my most memorable musical memories are associated with these live performances. It was my dream when I landed in JFK in ’83 and am very fortunate that I got to experience what I did, when I did. And it’s not over yet.
One thing I learned early was to learn to do what I do well, I needed to be fairly proficient and was lucky to have had the avenue to practice and develop my craft when I was younger and had more ‘free’ time on my hands (pun intended). Those first 10,000 hours were minimum requirements. The next thing was to be eloquent with the language I learned, according to the situation at hand. Sonny Landreth has referred to having a ‘bullshit meter’ on constantly so that one is always discriminating one’s own craft.
However the most important lesson I picked up was from observing that people generally don’t like jerks. There have been myriad gigs that I got because I don’t usually carry drama in my gigbag, know and maintain my tools accordingly, am willing to learn at all times about everything from drum setups and breakdowns, PA basics, bass stuff, horn stuff, church ladies background singers stuff, roll a joint on a dark swerving bus, know how to fight, know how to talk my way out from one, can cook, sew, solder and weld, remember drinks orders for twenty, party with the best and show up on time thereafter, and generally not behave like a dick. The rewards I received were tenfold.
Nowadays I still get to go down to my basement and play whenever time permits. I have one basic live rig that I can power down to whisper or tv level without bothering anyone at home; something I picked up from living in cramp quarters in nyc I guess. But it is my meditation, my mantra, my zen, my prayer. It has been my companion and will be until I can’t do it anymore.
My current band is a five piece and practice individually and get together once a week to just flesh out arrangements. Were all laid back and will smoke and drink at rehearsals and gigs but everyone’s an adult and fortunately are fairly badass on their respective chairs so we have lots of fun when were together. We have a local following (in Queens now) that is large enough to maintain steady gigs in town and use it to catch up with each other since most lead adult lives. Still get back at 4am on Sun morn but I hardly drink anymore, just joints between sets (with half of the bar, girlfriends, wifes), and our setups are very portable and minimal so my trip back is usually a 5 minute drive. Children are too young and wife comes occasionally (she’s seen thousands of my gigs and has to tolerate my cacophony daily) and overall life is good. Not wealthy, but pretty freakin rich.
I tend to have a last cigarette with my blokes before the sun rises and my drive home and it always feels like the ‘empty the latrines’ scene from Platoon. Tired, smelly and broken, but a job well done boys, and somebody’s crazy enough to ‘volunteer’ to do it.

[oxtone]

I'm single, 53, no kids.

Back in my 40's, I was working a full-time job, and gigging just about every weekend. I ended up getting Mono again (had it in college). I just burnt myself out (not w/drugs) with never getting any rest.

Now I work part-time, and gig part-time - much better on the ol' bod.

[gigs]

My gigging days are likely over. Had a son, work is getting more demanding. It's really difficult to let go of. I still have a fun band I jam with, and my serious original bands will still record and write some tunes, but it can't be an every week, multiple times a week thing.

I'm about to dump a ton of gear. Just actually came to terms with that last night. All the years of collecting and amassing all of this and it's pretty much over.

I can get gigs. I can continue, but family and job just comes first for me, and so the live gigging is likely over. I'm hoping my original projects can play ever 3 months or so just for fun, but I'm not sure if we can do that or not.

Sad day to think about, but it's here for me, and I just came to realize that last night. Now I've got to sell a ton of gear in a bad market.

Unless you really need the cash, you might regret it later. When kids get older, you'll have more free time to put a band together again. Thats what happened to me. In my 20's, played out alot. Then got married... kids... etc...and gave it up, but still kept playing alone to keep my head in it. Then it wasn't until my late 40s that we put the band back together and now its a blast.

[Mr Deluxe]

Husband,Dad,Full time Job,Musician and Biker. I'm 50 and I never stopped gigging since I was 16 so I don't understand this thread :dunno

Depends on the social circle your in I quess ? All my friends gig and they work day jobs and have family's also. I don't gig as much as I used to. Maybe 1-2 times a month if I'm lucky. We rehearse 1-2 times a month.

I'd gig alot more if someone would book the frekkin gigs :dude

I find that the hardest part of all the juggling.

Well, I am married and have 2 boys (5-8 years old), happened young but never had a problem dealing with because I got very lucky and my wife and kids are awesome. If any of my buddies ever had an excuse to not be able to play, it should have been me, and really still should be. I don't know what to say, like you I would be able to easily handle 2-4 gigs a months. I do play at home for a few hours everyday and at night, just can't figure out why I'm practicing alone during the week.

It's tough, like everything else, some have what it takes to perform but not what it takes to show up. I'm going to have to look at what I have going for me now and where I want to be, and maybe find some new guys to start playing with.

[Totally Bored]

I would be able to easily handle 2-4 gigs a months.

I'm going to have to look at what I have going for me now and where I want to be, and maybe find some new guys to start playing with.

It's either in your blood to gig or it's not. I can respect the decision to give it up cause someone is not into gigging anymore but I don't understand people on these boards that say they gave it up when they had a family WTF ? You either want to gig or you don't .

If there's a will there's a way YMMV. Surround yourself with musicians that gig if you want to gig. Go to open mics, answer craigslist adds or do whatever it takes. Tons of married guys with kids gig.

[rob2001]

I don't know, I worked a full time job and played in a gigging band for 20+ years. We rehearsed once a week and gigged pretty much every weekend. When something is important, you find the time. I honestly don't think my job suffered and the family just knew thats what I did. The wife was my best roadie too!

[SteveO]

It's either in your blood to gig or it's not. I can respect the decision to give it up cause someone is not into gigging anymore but I don't understand people on these boards that say they gave it up when they had a family WTF ? You either want to gig or you don't .

If there's a will there's a way YMMV. Surround yourself with musicians that gig if you want to gig. Go to open mics, answer craigslist adds or do whatever it takes. Tons of married guys with kids gig.

Responsibilities change as we grow older, and sometimes you have to make hard decisions about what is truly more important to you.

[frank62]

I cant do it. I am 58 and just dont have the energy or ambition I once had. I am a better player than I ever was but dont do it near as much these days. I will be giving it all up before long. After 40 plus years i have had my run at it.

[Bluedawg]

I'm in my late 40s, work full time, live in a very small city, and am busier than ever. :bonk

I play bass for the sunday morning church thing .. volunteer

I play bass in a rock/worship band that gigs mainly at Church functions, but is open to other stuff ... mostly volunteer, but some paying opportunities now and then

I play guitar in a 40s style Swing big band ... it actually makes a little money now and then.

Last year I was in a second Big Band, but my day job kept sending me out of town on short notice just before gigs ... so I backed out of that one reluctantly ... I made enough money to get a 1099 with this band .. woot!

I am working with Sinatra style singer to see if we can get a small group jazz thing going.

But I don't have any kids.


:munch