Anyone else feel they are a burden, due to an injury?

[branbolio]

Im On my second spell of back problems. Its driving me crazy, affecting my playing of the guitar, relationship, basically life. Im 31, had surgery ten yrs ago on left lower back, now my right side is bothering me. Can barely walk some days, have to sit down at gigs and my girlfriend carries my gear for me. Im tired of her having to do everything for me and it seems im able to do less each day.

I had to quit doing my housecleaning jobs, and i cant do constructive things anymore, cant even swing a freakin hammer. All i do now is teach guitar and play a few gigs a month to paybills and now thats a task and hard to do sometimes, cant even drive my car, can barely lift a guitar.

Trying to stay off pain pills, because i had addiction to them in the past, and 2 of my good friends o.d.'d from em. Besides they make me hurt myself worse when i have to do tasks. But sometimes i feel like i just want to munch a bunch of pills and crawl in a hole somewhere, because i hate the pain and cant bear the fact that i can barely do shit and my girlfriend tries to take care of everything for me between her busy job.

I guess i just need to rant. Just got home from physical therapy and feel worse now than when i got there, same shit as before when i had to get the surgery in the past. but now i dont have my moms insurance to cover any surgery...and i really dont want to go though it again, i think i would need to much assistance and can barely manuver through this house and all the damn stairs and steps. My girl is already exhausted, but i am thankful for her, i just dont want to keep her from living her life.

Not sure if im asking for advice or what, just needed someone to talk to besides her. Thanks for letting me rant internet. Im trying to stay positive.