Funk stuff ... am I doing this wrong?

[loofery]

I'm 19 and have been playing for almost 3 years. I recently responded to a Craigslist ad because I have been looking for a jam/fusion group to play with. They asked for a demo, so I made one with what I could, and sadly, the guy didn't even bother replying, let alone with a "no thanks." Here's what I sent him:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...songID=6666086

This is going to sound very primitive to what you're compared to here.
This is simply an improv lead over a basic rhythm track.
Both made on a Strat, and recorded direct. No mic, so no use of my tube amps. Worse - I had just dusted off my old Whammy and decided to use it on lead. Talk about gimmicky tone, no sustain to hold any notes, and forget about double stops with such poor tracking.

If you can look past the tone ... I really would appreciate your criticism re: the actual playing ... I know there are some fantastic players on here, and I want to grow to be one too. There are some obvious screw-ups (like accidentally sliding into the tritone), but things like "try replacing rolling triplets with fast alt. picking" or something would really help me. As it is I don't really know if I am even headed down the right path.