Tell me if this sounds right (divorce settlement stuff)

[Dr. Tweedbucket]

The Guy - hard worker, good job, spends a lot of time with the kids, quiet and even tempered. Never saw this coming.

The Gal - Doesn't cook, clean or take care of the kids. She is on facebook or ebay 24/7 Has a low paying part time job, spends way more money than she or her husband makes. She finds an old highschool sweetheart on Facebook, suddenly decides she's never loved her husband and files for divorce and wants everything she can get.

The pre divorce hearing:

The Guy has to pay for her lawyer fees, $10,000 so far. She gets the house and kids. The Guy has to pay her $1500 a month for the house payment and utilities, pays for all the kids school activities, pays for her health and auto insurance. He also loses his Christmas bonus which is substantial.


What the hell is going on here? SHE is the one who went screwing around on him and then files for divorce.... and HE gets nailed with paying dearly because she suddenly doesn't love him anymore? The kids to her are clearly an annoyance, yet she want's them because it means more money for her. She is in bed every morning when her husband sees the kids off to school. This is sooo not right!

Is this normal the way divorces go or what?? What the heck ever happened to justice?

[edgarallanpoe]

Depending on where you live, the laws can be ludicrously in favor of the mother. Especially if she retains the kids.

[ford]

What state is this happening in... some are worse than others..... also.. if he isn[t happy with his lawyer...tell him to find another one... and go after the kids..

[dkaplowitz]

Wow $1500/mo. for mortgage AND utilities? I'm moving to Mt. Kwakkleberry!

P.S. What you describe sounds cheap for freedom from that chick (if you described her accurately).

[Dr. Tweedbucket]

Originally Posted by ford

What state is this happening in... some are worse than others..... also.. if he isn[t happy with his lawyer...tell him to find another one... and go after the kids..

It's Ohio

Originally Posted by dkaplowitz

Wow $1500/mo. for mortgage AND utilities? I'm moving to Mt. Kwakkleberry!

P.S. What you describe sounds cheap for freedom from that chick (if you described her accurately).

Yeah, that's what I'm telling him .... it's a rough ride right now, but he;ll recover. She'll end up crashing and burning eventually because she has no skills to manage her life. Her new boyfriend is a bum and broke, so once he milks her for all her money, she'll probably be out on the street.

[TwoTubMan]

In all seriousness, you would be amazed at the vigorous and varied sex life most male family court judges enjoy. It is considered one of the major perks of the job.

[flume]

Yes - state laws vary - but the scenario described is not uncommon.

You want justice? Don't look at divorce law. It's disgusting.

[Strat Slinger]

This is why ill never get married

[LHanson]

My observation:

In most jurisdictions, unless the children have multiple stab wounds or burn marks that the mother has already been convicted of, the courts will give a mother anything she asks for- reason be damned. Infidelity, drug abuse, prostitution make no difference.

Sucks to be your friend. I sincerely hope he does the right thing for the kids, whatever that may be.

[Moe Zambeek]

Yep, I say the laws are rediculous.

I've heard stories where husbands are forced to pay child support for children who aren't even theirs!

[zekmoe]

Yes, the laws and the courts are slanted against the fathers easily 90-10. I worked for NYS family court for 9 years and it's considered matter of fact, even with the best lawyers. THey try to stay out of court if they're representing the man.
My divorce was similar in situation to the OP's, but I ended up in a much better place due to much preparation on my part. I'm probably in the 10%.
Family courts have their share of fathers who rape 8 yr old daughters and beat the hell out of the kids and wife, so there's a reason it's slanted. One of those slants the judges, however unfair for those that follow with a reasonable petition.

[zosozep7]

LOL! Welcome to a mans world! I dont know about Ohio but in Michigan its a no fault state. So if she was screwing everyone in site, she still gets half. This is why it no longer makes sense for a man to marry anymore. Not only will your friend get taken for half or more, he will lose his righst to see his kids and his reputaion is in the crapper because no matter what happens, the man is allways 100% the villain. No matter what she did, people will look upon him and say.... "you probably deserved it". Sad but true.

We have a divorce for fathers here in Michigan called ADAM. They have a commercial that runs on local radio stations that goes like this:

"Men you will pay thousands of dollars on home owners insurance for a 1% chance of your house burning to the ground but are affraid to get a prenup for a 60% chance of your marriage failing. Dont you think its smart to get that prenup?"

As one other person posted, men of the past have created this mess. The only problem is that the laws are so slanted against us, its just not worth getting married anymore. I have been divorced and lost alot! I cannot afford to marry again. I cant risk not being able to retire.

[bigdaddy]

Settle as fast as possible to keep the damn lawyers from getting all the money. That's the only win possible in family court.

One thing he really needs to check into is his right to object to any and all referee hearings. i.e. go straight to a judge.

[zosozep7]

Bog Daddys right! If your friend can keep peace with her, he will save thousands of dollars on lawyer fees. I didnt hire a lawyer. Sorry, not giving my money to themm dirty rats. Luckily, my ex was in agreement so things went smoothly.

bsuite, I think your right and hate to say it! Its sad that them things happen. I know many woman have threatened their husbands to take the kids away and he will never see them again. Wrong move!! This of course does not constitute him for going off the deep end though but it happens.

When it comes to divorce, I have found out that men have no rights at all! zilch. All you can hope for is that your ex is not pissed at you or hates you.

[lharp]

Originally Posted by Dr. Tweedbucket

The Guy - hard worker, good job, spends a lot of time with the kids, quiet and even tempered. Never saw this coming.

The Gal - Doesn't cook, clean or take care of the kids. She is on facebook or ebay 24/7 Has a low paying part time job, spends way more money than she or her husband makes. She finds an old highschool sweetheart on Facebook, suddenly decides she's never loved her husband and files for divorce and wants everything she can get.

The pre divorce hearing:

The Guy has to pay for her lawyer fees, $10,000 so far. She gets the house and kids. The Guy has to pay her $1500 a month for the house payment and utilities, pays for all the kids school activities, pays for her health and auto insurance. He also loses his Christmas bonus which is substantial.


What the hell is going on here? SHE is the one who went screwing around on him and then files for divorce.... and HE gets nailed with paying dearly because she suddenly doesn't love him anymore? The kids to her are clearly an annoyance, yet she want's them because it means more money for her. She is in bed every morning when her husband sees the kids off to school. This is sooo not right!

Is this normal the way divorces go or what?? What the heck ever happened to justice?

Another Great American Divorce story.

Divorce Law is like putty: the one with the best lawyer shapes it to his or her liking.

For a start: even if you win, it's going to feel like losing. Get ready to live with anxiety. Xanax may help.

The only chance to having any advantage is to remaining unmarried or have a nuptial agreement. Without that you are well... fully exposed.


When fully expose, run, don't walk to research lawyers and find one with a good track record on cases similar to yours. It probably will be $400+ an hour. Don't go cheap. For which you may need a second mortgage, but the house is gone anyway.

A good lawyer will negotiate an interim agreement till the final divorce (I forget the proper name) that won't kill you. Like not having to pay for her legal fees, much as if she wins at the end you may have to, but when that is the case it's only 50% anyway, customarily.

The boutique lawyer will save you big, and if the lawyer does not live up to your expectations soonish, fire him and get the next best one. Time is of the essence.

During the divorce, the wife is still married and she is not supposed to have sex. Get detectives to chronicle her sex escapades, ideally while the kids in the same dwelling. if she has a lousy character, let it come out. Pry it out if you have to. And yourself, live like a saint. The court will probably appoint a lawyer for the kids and a psychologist, if custody is an issue. Work to make those people believe you are the better parent.

There is much more, but a top lawyer quick is first and foremost.

Luck.