Tell me if this sounds right (divorce settlement stuff)

[zosozep7]

Unless you are drop down fighting all out with your ex, dont hire a lawyer! Its a total watse of thousands of dollars of your money!!!!!! I dont care what anyone is saying here on this forum. Unless your some kinda of fruitcake that has to WIN at eveything, do not waste your money. I had an Uncle that was in his 50s and owned his own construction comp. He paid top dollars for some deadbeat attorney that never did anything for his rights, charged hin over $10,000 and didnt get him anywhere. He found a company that charged $400. His divorce was final. The main thing is this... You and yur ex need to get along during these times. It will save you thousands!

[tonedaddy]

Originally Posted by zosozep7

Unless you are drop down fighting all out with your ex, dont hire a lawyer! Its a total watse of thousands of dollars of your money!!!!!! I dont care what anyone is saying here on this forum. Unless your some kinda of fruitcake that has to WIN at eveything, do not waste your money. I had an Uncle that was in his 50s and owned his own construction comp. He paid top dollars for some deadbeat attorney that never did anything for his rights, charged hin over $10,000 and didnt get him anywhere. He found a company that charged $400. His divorce was final. The main thing is this... You and yur ex need to get along during these times. It will save you thousands!

Sure, hiring a divorce attorney will cost you money.
The question for fathers often is, what's it worth to have time/influence with your kids?

Even cooperative spouses are often unwilling to share that aspect of the divorce settlement, as they understand
it will affect a child support amount which they will rely on for perhaps a significant amount of their income post-divorce.

[lharp]

Originally Posted by zosozep7

Unless you are drop down fighting all out with your ex, dont hire a lawyer! Its a total watse of thousands of dollars of your money!!!!!! I dont care what anyone is saying here on this forum.

How naive.

Have you never heard of "predatory divorce action?"

Try to mediate that.

It's really great I did not listen to advice like yours...

When you are bleeding it's not time to act out your dislike of doctors. Similarly can be said for lawyers...

[Rob Sharer]

Originally Posted by pbradt

Great reason to remain childfree, if you ask me.

Good thing for you that your folks didn't feel that way...



Rob

[paulscape]

My old boss used to say 'Paul, you haven't lived until you've had your 3rd child by your second wife'.

[Axemeister]

This is an interesting thread... Everyone feels your pain, but the advice is all over the place. Not every person here is in the same position, so you need to weed through the responses. If you are one of those couples who can work out a quick split and divorce without attorneys I think you are rare and blessed.

However, if you are at odds with your former spouse and have children and any net worth, investments, co-mingled assets, or other entanglements you will need a good attorney. Telling somebody to wing it on their own and not get some legal advice or representation is not very wise advice.

I have "been there and done that" -- after 18 years of a marriage with three kids. It was not pretty. I hate the process, and dislike the legal maneuvering and high costs, but it is my suggestion that you should be smart and proactive to protect your interests and assets.

There is no doubt that the attorneys can stir the pot and milk the fees, but if she has one and you don't you will be toast.... Get somebody good, who is a family law and divorce specialist.

[agradywills]

Originally Posted by LHanson

My observation:

In most jurisdictions, unless the children have multiple stab wounds or burn marks that the mother has already been convicted of, the courts will give a mother anything she asks for- reason be damned. Infidelity, drug abuse, prostitution make no difference.

Sucks to be your friend. I sincerely hope he does the right thing for the kids, whatever that may be.

This right here. Hey man, it's the good ole US of A. Give women everything and men be damned. I went through about the same thing.

I've always thought that the war between fighting spouses here in America is equivalent to the wars being fought in Afg. and Iraq but noone really pays attention to the domestic battles.

[whiteop]

Originally Posted by Moe Zambeek

Yep, I say the laws are rediculous.

I've heard stories where husbands are forced to pay child support for children who aren't even theirs!

the laws regarding paternity does and establishing / identifying who the father is needs to be changed and updated. I think a paternity test should be ordered on the mother, father, and child at the time of birth if the father wants it and is willing to pay for it. The laws on the books seem to have been written back in the old days when women stayed at home, raised their children, and were of higher moral fiber not the cougars that are preying on barely legal teens today and hitting the bars after work on the prowl. I personally know of two cases where a judge ordered the alleged father to pay child support on children that weren't theirs. One is a white father and the child was born with dark skin. The mother is white as well and it's become very obvious the child has a black father as the kid gets older. How he has been forced to pay child support for the last several years I don't know.

[Targ]

I all boils down to this

Ready?

If it Flies, Floats or F***s... Rent it.

[whiteop]

Originally Posted by Dr. Tweedbucket

What the hell is going on here? SHE is the one who went screwing around on him and then files for divorce.... and HE gets nailed with paying dearly because she suddenly doesn't love him anymore? The kids to her are clearly an annoyance, yet she want's them because it means more money for her. She is in bed every morning when her husband sees the kids off to school. This is sooo not right!

Is this normal the way divorces go or what?? What the heck ever happened to justice?

part of the problem is many of the male judges want to get a piece of that action too and sometimes even meet up with them after hours for sex and the female judges assume that every one of the males that enter her chambers are wife beaters or philanderers even before she even hears the facts. If you're male the divorce court system is dead set against you from the start. I know of a case where the ex-wife was spray-painting the ex-husbands house and vehicles, even keying them and he took her to court and he wasn't provoking her or starting any trouble with her. He was just steering clear of her but she would not leave him alone. He even got evidence on her; photographs of her in action taken by a spy cam he installed where you can clearly identify her. There was no doubt it was her. So he files a police report with evidence in hand to stop her from destroying his property after she does it for the 5th or 6th time because he's getting really tired of it. By an unlucky stroke he gets a female judge that wants to know why they divorced (causation and so forth), denies the facts and evidence that the ex is destroying his property, and basically throws the case out of the courtroom. It's hard to find an unbiased female judge. You get one of those and you're screwed.

[DavidG]

What the heck ever happened to justice?

huh? What year was that? Did I miss much?

Yeah, its slanted in favor of the female, for sure. My middle daughter went through a divorce last year.

She married a guy just out of rehab yeah, I know..but she just wouldn't listen to me. Anyway, after it was all

said and done, the lawyer (female) wouldn't take a red cent from her. This guy (bum) better thank the powers above he didn't

have a pot to piss in. He's also back in rehab, but i'm not holding my breath its gonna do any good this time either.

This is what breaks my heart about the our situation;

How can any man/father wake up day after day and not wanna see these two angels is beyond me.

(disclaimer) I don't go around posting pix of my family, but this thread has struck a nerve. Good luck to your friend, tweedy.

[lharp]

Originally Posted by Axemeister

This is an interesting thread... Everyone feels your pain, but the advice is all over the place. Not every person here is in the same position, so you need to weed through the responses. If you are one of those couples who can work out a quick split and divorce without attorneys I think you are rare and blessed.

That is good advice; the amicable way is always not only cheaper but best for all, especially for the kids. But the OP made it quite clear that his "friend" is facing a predatory divorce. The chances of that to evolve to a friendly divorce approach zero. Any advice should take that into account. Given that, it is reckless to recommend that he keeps his money and wings it. This is one of those life changing moments when judicious and *diligent* action is required.

[TTripp]

The cold truth is that when you get married you are signing a legal contract, the details of which will be determined at a later date should you divorce. Such is life.

[J.T.]

Originally Posted by cry of love

How can any man/father wake up day after day and not wanna see these two angels is beyond me.

(disclaimer) I don't go around posting pix of my family, but this thread has struck a nerve. Good luck to your friend, tweedy.

That's too broad a stroke my friend. Try living with someone with Bi-polar , Mood Disorder , Severe Depression etc. There are reasons out there not to stay even with a child

[dankayaker]

In Va. if the mother was living the lifestyle (part time work . . mostly at home) that's what the court will probably say she is entitled to continue.