Lets Talk 3 Wolves

[Zim]

http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Wolf-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A


Discus the awesomeness of this among yourselves. It was too cool to be buried in old, it needed one of its own.

(Read the reviews)

[djem]

From the same Amazon reviews.....I could only wish to have come up with this.......

"I must admit, that when I first bought this shirt, I thought it was the very pinnacle of human achievement. And I was bursting with pride that this great nation created such a marvel. But then, on a missionary trip to Africa, I saw kids so poor, they had no wolves on their shirts. No wolves at all. Yet I had three. And a moon. I wept in shame.

Upon reflection, I wondered: What must the lesser nations of the world (like Ethiopia, Uganda, France and any of the crappy ones that end in '-slovakia' or '-istan') think of us when they go to their beds at night having no wolves on their shirts, while we have three? Our arrogance must now sting their pride even greater than the long silent whips of their colonial masters. I could sense an underlying envy that hinted at a hidden, yet simmering rage. How could we keep such wealth to ourselves, while others suffered? How could we not share this wonderful innovation with the world?

Sure enough, I just read where other third world nations and rogue states were now desperately trying to develop three wolf technology of their own. In fact, there is speculation that Iran has already developed two wolf technology and has nearly perfected the third. And Pyongyang has recently displayed their own rudimentary three wolf shirt (though, their technology still lags behind ours, as they still have problems controlling their Moons). Sure, they say they only want multi-wolf technology for peaceful purposes, but do you really believe that? Do you really think our arrogance will not come home to roost? Are we really the only country responsible enough to rock a three wolf moon t-shirt? I fear not.

Simply put, we need to stop carelessly using up all the world's natural awesome reserves. Because once we've used up all the sex making power of multiple wolves and moons, what will we do? What kind of world will we leave our children?

I've seen the light my friends. In order to do my part, I traded in my old wolf guzzling three wolf moon t-shirt on an ethanol hybrid (the "two wolf corn" wife beater). I hear that they will soon come out with an even more socially responsible solar variant called the "One Wolf Sun" crew neck. And there is even a government incentive program where you can trade in your old Three Wolf Moon shirt on one of the new "One Wolf Sun" shirts, and the US Department of Awesome will give you a free "Sex Instructor - First Lesson Free" trucker hat. It is called the "Cap and Trade" program. Maybe if we embrace these conservation efforts, and allow the poverty stricken nations to enjoy a few wolves of their own, we can once again be viewed as the greatest, most benevolent nation on the planet."

[fetishfrog]

This one is my favorite. Words fail...

[Phalanx200bc]

You see these shirts in the biker/white trash hippy contingent a lot. Or sometimes on a very overweight person at a K-Mart with a child they are not fully in control of.

Awsome Amazon "review" though!

[djem]

What more is there to discuss after you see this?

[Jahn]

I swear, Rip Glitter must have moved on to shirts!

--

I admit it, I'm a ladies' man. And when you put this shirt on a ladies' man, it's like giving an AK-47 to a ninja. Sure it looks cool and probably would make for a good movie, but you know somebody is probably going to get hurt in the end (no pun intended). That's what almost happened to me, this is my story...

Yes... I remember it like it was yesterday...because it was yesterday. My mom had bought me this shirt because it matched the velvet painting hanging over my waterbed except my painting has wolves, the moon, AND an Indian man... on a horse. Deee-lux. At first, I thought nothing of the shirt other than finding agreeable the fine stitching of the seams and the effective use of negative space on the print. Then one Friday, I had a date with a gal that works at the swap meet. I landed the date by posing to her the question: "Hey baby, how about if we swap meat?" I made that up myself, that's how I operate. Her eyes rolled back trying to contain her excitement! To break her uncomfortable giddiness, I blurted out "How about I pick you up here at 8?". She replied "yeah, whatever"... SCORE!

7:30 rolls around and I find my lucky WWE shirt is covered with bondo from having worked on my Camaro the day before. Normally I would just flip it inside out and wear it, but the inverted silkscreen image of The Rock makes him look like Richard Pryor and a ladies man does not want Richard Pryor pressed against his chest when he's on a date. And so... I reprimanded my mom for not washing it (with a finger wag for added effect) and picked up my wolf-moon shirt and said to myself "Tommy (that's what I call myself, because it's my name)... Tommy, this will have to do." Boy did it do!

I grab the keys to my Camaro... ok... my mom's Camaro... and run out the door. Mom kicks open the screen door behind me and says "Where the hell is yous goin?" At this watershed moment in my life, I knew I had to think quick. I grabbed my little brother who was making mud pies in the front yard and said "Momma, I'm gonna take Timmy to Chuck E Cheese"... Off we go!

I stop by an abandoned parking lot where I sometimes shoot rats with my BB gun. I drag Timmy out of the car and he screams "I thought you were taking me to Chuck E Cheeezzz?" I pick up one of the dead rats I shot and said "This is Chuck E Cheese! Somebody must have burned it down and killed Chuck!" I threw the dead rat in his lap and as he sat motionless and sobbing uncontrollably, I jumped into the car, locked the door, and drove off. I could still see him crying in the rear-view as he cradled the rat, it was a nice warm feeling knowing he has learned to care for a fellow mammal like that.

When I arrive to pick up my date, I saw her duck behind the counter when she saw me. I couldn't believe how nervous she was! She couldn't even look me in the eye. That was the first sign of the power of this shirt, and I knew I had to be careful not to break her heart. I tried to calm her with casual conversation, but the more I spoke, the more flustered she would get - It was worse than I thought. Eventually she screamed out "You are so scary and weird!" "Scary and weird?" I thought to myself "Scary and weird????"... I looked down on my shirt, the black backdrop, the intriguing wolves, and realized that this shirt, like me, projected a Dark & Mysterious aura (or "scary and weird" as she put it). I was wise to what was going on here, this shirt plus my mojo was too much for her to handle. Before I could stop charming her with puckered lips, she spat in my face. Spat! We had exchanged bodily fluids only 5 minutes into our date! I didn't even know her name (that's how playas roll). In some countries that's illegal! I knew right then and there what I had to do...

I stood there, and all I could think about was that scene from Superman where he realizes that to be with Lois, he has to give up his super powers. Well my friend, I figuratively put that crystal in that thingamajig, and took off my wolf t-shirt freeing myself from these powers. The effects were immediate. As soon as the shirt was lifted from my svelte torso, her face went from red and flustered, to laughing and relaxed. We never spoke again though, I walked away knowing I saved a woman from certain heartbreak and the long string of bad relationships that comes with being damaged goods. It felt good, real good to have done the right thing. She smiled as I walked away, I think she was grateful too.

I am giving this product 5 stars because not everyone out there is a ladies' man. In the hands of lesser beings, it can help you find love. In the hands of a playa like me, it can only break hearts. That's why I say use with caution. I am passing the torch onto you, be careful out there folks.

[Guitar Heel]

Evidently, all of these reviews started with the Tuscan Whole Milk (which customers also liked). The Raven review is legitimately brilliant.

[Bluedawg]

Must have

[roknfnrol]

I was just thinking about buying one of these shirts to wear at gigs with some cutoff jean shorts!

[DGDGBD]

My wife and I just bought a 27' camping trailer, second hand. Its a nice model, roomy, in great condition. Everything is great, right? Where were setting it up and I then noticed the wolf/moon silhouette on the mirrored doors of a cabinet over the bed.

[Jahn]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Wolf_Moon

Due to the success of the shirt, the New Hampshire Division of Economic Development made it their "official New Hampshire T-shirt of economic development" and award it as a prize for innovation.[8]

[M@tt C]

Some seriously funny stuff there....................:rotflm ao

[Crazyquilt]

Just remember: under NO circumstances wear the fabled Three Moon Shirt with Zubaz pants. Heed well this tale of woe from reviewer Y. R. Wu:

Having recently moved into an upscale manufactured housing facility thanks to the luck conveyed upon me by my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, I stumbled upon the Zubaz pants here at Amazon and decided that these would complement the crisp, confident, and rugged image conveyed by the T-shirt.

Black Zebra naturally, as these are the sartorial equivalent of the red power tie or a navy blazer with bright buttons. My buddy has an original pair that I always admired. I should warn that in direct sunlight the high contrast pattern of these pants, if viewed directly, can cause dizziness and disorientation. That's why I keep my Oakley Blades on a leash around my neck, just in case.

I had just returned to my humble abode from the pheresis donation center when the UPS driver pulled up with my package. Realizing what was being delivered I grabbed the box, thanked the driver and mostly ran up the five steps to my double wide.

Hopping on one foot while trying to get my acid washed jeans over my boots, I simultaneously opened the box with what pass for my teeth. As I pulled the silky polyester over my legs I was simultaneously struck by a sense of awe and wonder. That's when I fell over and nearly knocked myself out on the rear projection television in the living room.

In hindsight I should have realized that this was the first sign of trouble.

After putting the pants on and admiring them for a few hours, I went down to the Wal-Mart to get some scratch and wins. I went over to Arbys and smoked half a pack of Marlboro Light Menthols down to the filter while I went carefully through the lottery tickets, rubbing each one on the Moon for luck. After 25 tickets, I hadn't even won $2!!!!!

Perhaps it was the nicotine, perhaps it was the sheer awesomeness of my attire which overwhelmed me, but I didn't realize that this was another sign that things were not altogether correct.

In the next 48 hours I misplaced my keys, lost my job at Waffle House, was rejected by four women I tried to pick up, chipped my remaining front tooth when I botched a flying roundhouse kick breaking up a fight at the roadhouse, and even spilled ketchup on my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt while eating a chili-dog.

To add insult to injury, someone keyed my Camaro. Three days later I found myself face down in a puddle of my own sick, choking back the tears of a wasted youth.

I don't know how to explain it but the awesome factor of the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt is not in fact multiplied by the Zubaz pants. It's like Cold Fusion - once you bring two multifarious confidence and testosterone factors into play, the inverse coalition of chronological extremes dipolarizes the original fulcrum.

That is to say, not only do they cancel each other out, you're screwed.

I've burned the pants, bought another Three Wolf Moon T-shirt and even tried the Breakthrough Wolf T-Shirt.

Nothing has restored my Mojo.

Upon quiet reflection I've come to accept my fate. Don't let this happen to you!

[rmj254]

Originally Posted by ringmod

I was just thinking about buying one of these shirts to wear at gigs with some cutoff jean shorts!

You're a never-nude? You should be receiving an invitation to the conference shortly.

[epluribus]

A thread about threads. It's a Sign, o Riders.

--:-)