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#1
04-26-2011, 10:53 PM
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Post Divorce relationship advice
Soon after my divorce i stared dating casually a girl i had dated briefly 20 years ago. She is everything anyone could ever want . She is a great friend has model looks ( gets asked out several times a month) ,nice ,thoughtful , great sense of humor the whole package etc. She never married and has no children . I have one child 7. I have found it hard to balance time with her, my child, deal with the divorce, and have time for myself . Things have progressed and she says she loves me and i have been hesitant to take the plunge and part of me wants to take a chance and part of me wants to run. Whats the problem ? I have no idea . I have my guard up and can't seem to take it down and risk losing her all together . For some reason i feel stuck in progressing into the relationship and can't seem to shake the feeling. I guess i am asking is there a way you know for sure when you are ready to get involved again after a divorce? I just feel stuck Anybody feel like this ?
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#2
04-26-2011, 11:01 PM
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Man, I took 10 years to get married a second time. Don't rush anything at this point. You can still date her, but I would take the time to get healed.
I would still have lot of sex with her, FWIW!!!!!
__________________
GAT's LIVE CLIPS: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=915529 www.myspace.com/deepellum
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#3
04-26-2011, 11:03 PM
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Be honest with her. Chicks dig that.
__________________
There are only 12 notes after all; how hard could it be? Great deals with: voojo, macmeda, shooterKC, GAT, Suproman77, localmotion411, localmotion411, 2Strats, Jazzydave (x2), Puckman, rockinrobbie, zzzzzzz, Falstaff, buckwild, JohnCovach, Jack Briggs, twang, strat6866, and so many other people I can't remember them all. My Writing Blog (Dogs, Guitars, etc.): http://www.gad.net/Blog/
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#4
04-26-2011, 11:05 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
http://royfinley.com http://www.sternscounty17.com I use pedals and amps from Resonant Electronic Design
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#5
04-26-2011, 11:07 PM
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Sex isn't the issue . The issue is that she is 43 and wants to be in a serious committed relationship with a life partner and gets the whole vibe i am putting off . She wants me but senses my dragging feet so she feels she is wasting her time. Rightfully so. I wish i could shake this feeling but for some reason i just can't and it sucks all around.
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#8
04-26-2011, 11:13 PM
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Here are my two cents...
.01: Take your time. Concentrate on your child. He/she needs you now more than ever, especially at 7. Your kid has had the rug pulled out from under him/her and needs time and attention from you to feel stable again. Trust me, it's a big deal. Just be there, period. .02: Ask yourself why a woman "who is everything anyone could want" has never been married and has no children.
__________________
Vince
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#9
04-26-2011, 11:16 PM
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__________________
GAT's LIVE CLIPS: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=915529 www.myspace.com/deepellum
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#10
04-26-2011, 11:17 PM
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She says she loves you.How do you feel about her? You are in a very challenging time of your life with legal issues and emotional "stuff" boiling up.Anger,grief,even depression for some.Be up front with her AND YOURSELF. It will take time to sort things out in this big change of life.
If you enjoy her,enjoy and don't feel rushed into anything.Take your time and have fun.If she really cares about you,she'll stand by you through the coming months of healing. UNLESS you unconsciously sabotage the relationship and push her away.Nobody wants to be jerked around.Be thankful you have someone who cares for you in spite of circumstances. You are in a time where you will be focused on your needs as it should be.You have to do whats best for you and your child.If you can do that and be "present" for your lady friend(tuned in/ attentive)it could be a magical time for all. Someone loves you.That's a privilege you must not take for granted.You friend is putting herself in a position of great vulnerability.Honor her.Honor yourself. You know what to do.Do it. I remember doubting myself after my divorce.But after a few months of that,I had enough and got on with living.Life is a blessed miracle.Celebrate it every day!
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#11
04-26-2011, 11:19 PM
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You will know when it is time to be in a committed relationship. It is her call, and not yours if she wants to stick around if you don't want to go the serious route, so try not to make her mind for her in advance.
The advice to be honest is obvious but is worth well worth repeating. You may be surprised to hear what it is she wants if you tell her what your concerns are. My two cents.
__________________
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Plato
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#12
04-26-2011, 11:19 PM
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I take Number 1 seriously and is my first priority . Number 2 implies that she is a problem rather than her simply never finding a compatible mate.
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#13
04-26-2011, 11:20 PM
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No. 2 comes off as paranoid to me. Some people haven't had any luck with relationships. Took me 7 years after high school to date. Just never found the right person. Then I found the love of my life, and we will have been married for 3 years in May and have a 2-month old son who makes us infinitely happy.
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#14
04-26-2011, 11:24 PM
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All good points and well taken Thank you
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