Anyone else feel they are a burden, due to an injury?

[branbolio]

Im On my second spell of back problems. Its driving me crazy, affecting my playing of the guitar, relationship, basically life. Im 31, had surgery ten yrs ago on left lower back, now my right side is bothering me. Can barely walk some days, have to sit down at gigs and my girlfriend carries my gear for me. Im tired of her having to do everything for me and it seems im able to do less each day.

I had to quit doing my housecleaning jobs, and i cant do constructive things anymore, cant even swing a freakin hammer. All i do now is teach guitar and play a few gigs a month to paybills and now thats a task and hard to do sometimes, cant even drive my car, can barely lift a guitar.

Trying to stay off pain pills, because i had addiction to them in the past, and 2 of my good friends o.d.'d from em. Besides they make me hurt myself worse when i have to do tasks. But sometimes i feel like i just want to munch a bunch of pills and crawl in a hole somewhere, because i hate the pain and cant bear the fact that i can barely do shit and my girlfriend tries to take care of everything for me between her busy job.

I guess i just need to rant. Just got home from physical therapy and feel worse now than when i got there, same shit as before when i had to get the surgery in the past. but now i dont have my moms insurance to cover any surgery...and i really dont want to go though it again, i think i would need to much assistance and can barely manuver through this house and all the damn stairs and steps. My girl is already exhausted, but i am thankful for her, i just dont want to keep her from living her life.

Not sure if im asking for advice or what, just needed someone to talk to besides her. Thanks for letting me rant internet. Im trying to stay positive.

[will richardson]

Sounds like you are working to the best of your ability. You are working and earning money. Lots of guys are capable of working and don't.

Game changers arise in our life, some good, some bad. Here's praying new variables emerge that aid in your recovery.

will richardson

[MikeSRV69]

I was living the same life you are for the past two years due to arthritis, which culminated in my total hip replacement surgery 6 months ago. I was crippled, walked with a cane, could barely walk, work, or move at all. I had to sit at gigs, needed lots of help with my gear, and was pretty much in 24/7 pain. I know how you feel. I hope that a doctor has a solution for you. Drop me a PM if you ever need to vent. I know what you are going through. Peace.

[enharmonic]

Been there, bud. It's hard to not get polarized / fixated n your current condition when you're in pain and can't see light at the end of the tunnel. T-boned by a drunk driver 2 weeks before my band was to showcase for label folks back in 99. Quite possibly a blessing, but sure felt like a curse for many years...and that was after surgeries, PT, losing the band, getting it back, and losing it again.

PTSD, depression, weight gain, loss of a relationship...epic fail on all fronts sent me into a tailspin that lasted a very long time. Years I'll never get back, but still a valuable life experience.

You will come through this time in your life stronger, wiser, and better than ever. Just have faith and try not to get "stuck". I know where you've been so I know how easy it is to get stuck.

[VanR]

In the same boat also. Had 2 back surgeries in 2008. Was doing OK till about a month ago and now the right side of my body is in pain. Can't walk most mornings now. Probably headed for another surgery.

[Phoenix59]

I understand where you're coming from. I was hit head-on on the Interstate 9 years ago, and then on top of dealing with that (wheelchair use, Vicodin addiction at one point, etc.) my kidneys failed 3 years ago. I know what you mean about feeling like a burden.

This, too, shall pass.

[WheelchairBandit]

Friend, I'm in the same boat you are - heck, I actually live in the damn thing.

I've had health problems my entire life - I suffer from severe chronic migraines, a really screwed up back, an equally scewed up neck, and a couple of worthless feet that had to be surgically rebuilt and landed me in a wheelchair for 2 years.

Trust me, I've been through all you're going through now and more. I've lost so many relationships that I can't even put a number on it. I've been in such agonizing pain that I vomited and blacked out. I got hooked on pain killers several years ago and damn near died from that - I wasn't able to get a handle on them until my kidneys started to shut down, which will scare you straight real damn fast. I've gone to the darkside on more than one occasion, and I thank God that I was able to bring myself back to reality each time and not do something really stupid.

The best advice I can give you is this - enjoy what you have. The sun is warm, the breeze feels nice, women are beautiful, food tastes good, music sounds good, and so forth and so on. Think about this for a second - as bad as you and I are doing physically, we're still Superman compared to Stephen Hawkings. You look at the guy and wonder, "What makes him even want to live?" Well, he's constantly trying to seek answers to the questions he has about the universe. He looks forward to every day as that might be the day that he finally finds the answer he's looking for. And of course there's his little trophy wife to keep him entertained in the meantime.

If you're like me, you're in pain constantly regardless of what you do. It got to where I was doing NOTHING whatsoever at one point - I'd just stay in bed 24/7. Then I thought, "You know, screw this. I'll do whatever the hell I want. F*ck the pain - I'm not going to let it stop me." Now, you aren't ever going to find me out running a marathon or anything, but I live a somewhat normal life now. I can go out and run errands, maybe go out once or twice a month to a club. I play the guitar every day, most times until I get a knot the size of a chicken egg between my left shoulder blade and spine. Are there things I want to do that I can't do? Of course. But I don't let that bother me anymore. I just enjoy life.

If you ever need to talk or vent or whatever, feel free to contact me anytime.

Brian.

[DGTCrazy]

I was where you were 2 years ago when I finally decided I wasn't going to let my injury or resultant pain define me or my life anymore. Unfortunately.....it doesn't sound like you have access to quality health care, like I do.....so I'm not sure what advice I could give you, other than it's possible to get help with the RIGHT medical professionals.

Right.....meaning the kind of doctors, Physical Therapists, Nutritionists, Trainers and Psychologists, all working in concert with each other with the goal of supporting me. I got my life back.

PM me if you'd like to know more. I wish you the very best, and I'm sorry you're suffering.