I presume you're looking for constructive criticism so here goes some. Do bear in my mind that I'm not a very good producer/player/songwriter and this is just a personal opinion.
The recording itself could be better. I hear a lot of pops and cracks in the sound. I can't tell for sure if the track is clipping but it sounds like it. Also sound like your recording equipment might be somewhat limited.
Composing wise the whole song seems a bit incoherent. You start out with a groove and abruptly switch to something else when you start singing. The singing itself doesn't seem to be in sync with the groove being played on the guitar.
Your playing doesn't sound very solid either. You slow down at times and suddenly there are these burst of speed and volume. These I guess are supposed to add some emotional impact to the track, but it just sounds out of place. Also, everytime you try to push your voice during these you hit a few bum notes.
The whole track has this stop & go feeling that shouldn't be there. It should all flow smoothly. Part of it is due to some odd chord changes as well as inconsistent timing. Try playing along to a metronome or click track.
Try also and steer clear of cliché phrases like "what goes up must come down". Those things have been overused.
I hope I was helpful. Good luck with your songriting.