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Captian Beefheart's 10 Commandments for guitarists

Discussion in 'Guitars in General' started by Csgband, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Csgband

    Csgband Member

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    Captian Beefheart's 10 Commandments for guitarists

    1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS…That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

    2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR…Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
    3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH…Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.

    4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL…Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

    5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT…If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

    6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE…Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

    7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY…You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.

    8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT…You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

    9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE…When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.

    10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE…Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.
     
  2. bluesjunior

    bluesjunior Member

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    I would say the good Captain is 100% correct in his assessment.:RoCkIn
     
  3. Fatso Forgotso

    Fatso Forgotso Member

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    Oh he is.
     
  4. benjammin420

    benjammin420 Member

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    i never knew too much about his stuff, but after reading this i want to learn
     
  5. Prairie Belt

    Prairie Belt Member

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    Sweet. I remember reading this when I was 15, just starting to learn guitar.
     
  6. turtlesoup

    turtlesoup Member

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  7. jaycee

    jaycee Member

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    That was cool. I don't really get the one about the bush, #3.
     
  8. benjammin420

    benjammin420 Member

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  9. Polynitro

    Polynitro Member

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    thats is great...I like the "leave a cup of water" if you're not playing it for a day, implying the guitar feeds off ones sweat I guess.
     
  10. benjammin420

    benjammin420 Member

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    "listen to the birds" is what really impresses me,
     
  11. Mr. Bertha

    Mr. Bertha Member

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    Eat whole wheat bread? Follow his example and eat peyote instead.
     
  12. zombiwoof

    zombiwoof Supporting Member

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    The Captain is an American legend. I wish he hadn't retired from the biz, with Frank and Warren Zevon gone there are few artists with that kind of sensibility left, if any.

    "woke up in vomit and beer, in a banana bin............"

    Al
     
  13. Csgband

    Csgband Member

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    sometime it's good to be a little crazy
     
  14. Rotten

    Rotten Silver Supporting Member

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    That's better than a "how-to" DVD.
     
  15. murkat

    murkat I like sea otters Silver Supporting Member

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    make some bush dance man.
    beer is made with grain.......... think man, think... kinda.... ;)
     
  16. Dexter.Sinister

    Dexter.Sinister Still breathing Gold Supporting Member

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    Don is a fine painter, too.

    One of my heros.

    DS
     
  17. idk

    idk Member

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    i LOLed at no 7, because i really do hold the church key.
     
  18. tacorivers

    tacorivers Silver Supporting Member

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    I'm going to ruffle some feathers, but I think that Captain Beefhardt is one of the most overated musicians. I've listened to most of his stuff (and he does a great duet with FZ on hot rats), and he is certainly interesting. I'm not sure that he was that innovative musically, and his writings and lyrics are gibberish IMHO.

    He's definately entertaining, but there is not much substance underneath. Plus, he was a pretty disagreeable person who treated his bandmates like crap.
     
  19. Steve73

    Steve73 Member

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    Here is a good place to start with the good Captain, check out the song Hobo Chang Ba... LOL

    [​IMG]
     

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