Do parents still spank their children these days?

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Old Possum, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. A-Bone

    A-Bone Montonero, MOY, Multitudes Gold Supporting Member

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    I tend to squelch any impulse I might feel towards Devil's Advocacy, but I'm with you on just how overused the term "research" has become in the internet age. I wonder if it isn't even somewhat dangerous in that the use seems often to erase the line separating legitimate research on the one side from looking at stuff on the internet or even learning about something on the other. To me research involves tangible work product and entering into some form of discourse on the subject under examination.
     
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  2. A-Bone

    A-Bone Montonero, MOY, Multitudes Gold Supporting Member

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    Even then, conducting proper research is a learned, trained skill, not a native talent, and it doesn't tend to happen in isolation.
     
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  3. Papanate

    Papanate Gold Supporting Member

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    How cynical. Kids today are no different than kids of yesterday. They have different toys and different methods of communicating - but are essentially the same. And the only thing social media has done IMO has revealed that we are unusual and strange - just like we've always been. The biggest difference IMO between 1920 and 2020? In 1920 Mental Problems, Freaks, Women Opinions, Childrens Opinions, all of our quirks, exceptional people were suppressed and not talked about openly. In 2019 we have been stripped naked and are revealed warts and all....but even now the Mentally Hill are still secreted among us - only to be revealed when something tragic happens.
     
  4. gigs

    gigs Member

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    I got spanked as a kid, even paddled in High School. I see no negative impact in my life.

    Spanked my kids a few times when I thought it was necessary. They are fine.

    My experiences on the topic do not align with the above research.
     
  5. soundchaser59

    soundchaser59 Silver Supporting Member

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    Did you research "abdicate" vs "advocate?" Not sure what you mean, given what was written.
     
  6. Ren007

    Ren007 Member

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    I think it should just be reserved for the more serious cases just to remind them that there are consequences for certain actions. My brother burned a school locker for hanging out with the wrong people back then. Parents had to go to court and he got punished with the chancla. He definitely learned his lesson and I learned from that example as well.
     
  7. DirtLover

    DirtLover Member

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    I got spanked as a kid - belt, spoon, fly swatter, switch, etc... ouch! I've never felt the need to spank my kid. I don't think it negatively impacted my life and I've managed to keep all of my mental health issues undiagnosed and to myself... so far...
     
  8. soundchaser59

    soundchaser59 Silver Supporting Member

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    I'm quoting you on this. Not your fault, but to me this stuff is child abuse. At the very least it says the person dishing out the "discipline" is either too lazy or too ignorant (I'll stop short of saying "too dumb") to think through a better way to get the message across. Physical abuse, especially abuse that causes visible injury, is the hallmark of zookeepers who think they are dealing only with untamed animals held captive in a control freak cage. My mom used to hit my fingers and my rear with a ruler, later with a yardstick, and I hated her freaking guts for it. Crayon art on the wall or stealing choc chip cookies out of the jar would earn the yardstick swats, among other innocuous and innocent crimes. I will go to my grave with a vivid memory of the stunned and scared look on her face the first time I was quick enough and strong enough to intercept that yardstick with my bare hands, yank it away from her, turn to glare in her face with all the hateful contempt I could muster, and I broke that damn yardstick into little pieces and threw it down at her feet. Before I walked away I glared at her and said "I hope you die," and I meant it. I think I was probably at least 10 or 12 when that happened. From that moment until I moved out of town for college I absolutely hated her guts.

    I am absolutely convinced if my Dad had been the same way as her, I would have ended up with a long arrest record and likely would have went to county jail if not state prison. But because my Dad was the opposite of her I ended up with straight A's, a college degree, a decent work life, a generous spirit, and an unquenchable thirst to make music. Counseling got me the rest of the way to leaving the anger and hate behind so I could quit blaming the whole world and all of my girlfriends for the stupid crap of one misguided mother who was only repeating the abuse that her parents had inflicted upon her and her siblings.
     
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  9. A-Bone

    A-Bone Montonero, MOY, Multitudes Gold Supporting Member

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    I'm with you. I'm definitely a rabbit-hole-r in terms of seeking knowledge, but I don't call that kind of personal learning research -- even if it is pretty comprehensive and obsessive.
     
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  10. Jupiter Tarts

    Jupiter Tarts Member

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    Millenial here and I grew up with spanking. I feel that there are proper ways and improper ways to implement it.

    I was spanked only up until the age of 5. I feel my parents got this right because science has shown that kids have the social intelligence of a dog from 2-3 and then begin reasoning out from there. In a child's mind, it's pretty much primal trial and error so a mild spanking and a good talking to about why a the child received the spanking will go a long way. Then after the age 4, positive reinforcement and reasoning should probably be #1 means of behavioral control which my parents both worked together to implement for me and my sister.

    I'd like to think we came out ok. We're both working professionals with no criminal records and we have a healthy loving relationship with my parents. I'd say that had more to do with my parents just being loving parents though.
     
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  11. killer blues

    killer blues Member

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    Those stats are more tied to other factors. The mental state of the spanker for instance. The age of the child, the reason for the spanking, etc, etc. I can guarantee you if my dad spanked me for something I did I never did it again.
     
  12. Eric Rowland

    Eric Rowland Supporting Member

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    you got that right!
    [​IMG]
     
  13. mikebat

    mikebat Member

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    Yep. Egg on face.

    Thanks for correcting me @soundchaser59
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
  14. 55hz

    55hz Member

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    Papa didn't cuss
    He didn't raise a whole lotta fuss
    But when we did wrong
    Papa beat the hell out of us...
     
  15. NicDo

    NicDo Member

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    Parents did to me. I don't hold a grudge, but it never gained them additional respect for their authority.
    I don't and won't.

    In my mind it's a personal failing to resort to using violence against a family member just because it's not happening your way.
    Losing your **** on a kid because they didn't listen means you are weak in mind and lack patience.
    Hitting your child because they didn't respect your wishes doesn't bring respect, just fear.
    Like pets, young kids will still crave the affection of abusive guardians. That doesn't mean that the bond is now stronger.
    They only message that is sent is, hitting someone is the answer to being disobeyed, and if you make dad or mom mad, they'll hurt your body.

    I'm also not the type to say violence is never the answer.
    Many times it's the best option, and sometimes needs to happen in an overwhelming way against certain adults.
     
  16. LTE

    LTE Member

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    They should.
     
  17. FiestaRed

    FiestaRed Member

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    I have many friends and acquaintances with young children in this age range. Not a one thinks like that.
     
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  18. jgyn

    jgyn Member

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    Hated it then, enjoy it now.
     
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  19. mikebat

    mikebat Member

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    The research that you are talking about, per reviewed, diverse opinions....that is what research is in my opinion, and it is not what people do in everyday life. Mostly it's "I believe I need a less alkalinic diet, I wonder what YT videos, personal blogs and forum posts think of that?" That is the research most people refer to nowadays in casual conversations.
     
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  20. amstrtatnut

    amstrtatnut Member

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    Regarding the research thing. I dont think Id change my mind about spanking if it really was proved that sparing the rod spoils the child.

    You have to ask yourself, "if I can do this without commiting violence on my child, then why violence even be on the table?"

    My dad was always controlled and not angry, even when he cracked my ribs. I was always afraid of him. He didnt think it was abuse. He thought it was descipline. You have to ask yourself if your method of discipline really is abuse or not.

    Another time he made me put on boxing gloves and he beat me till I wet my pants.

    I turned out ok, so it must be fine. :facepalm
     

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