Friend who can't afford gear

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by TheClev, May 2, 2016.

  1. TheClev

    TheClev As seen on TV

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    Long story short, I have a very close friend who consults my opinion on many of his gear purchases. I found out this weekend (from his mom) that he is barely making ends meet and is currently getting help to pay the mortgage...meanwhile, he's asking my opinion on the next gear purchase, which he intends to make immediately. Should I say something? He has a wife and two kids at home. I'm starting to feel like an enabler. I like chatting tones and gear with him, but he definitely appears to have more pressing needs.
     
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  2. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Member

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  3. phoenix 7

    phoenix 7 Silver Supporting Member

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    Is he using the gear to make money? Is he selling a piece every time he buys a piece? If not, and if he's "a very close friend," then I'd say something - tactfully.
     
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  4. TheClev

    TheClev As seen on TV

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    I don't think so.
     
  5. Totally Bored

    Totally Bored Member

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    If he's a "very close friend" I'd absolutely say something.

    Dude I hear you can't pay your mortgage but you want to buy some gear. What up with that ?


    Then I'd be done with the topic.
     
  6. DV52

    DV52 Member

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    WTF,
    He has a wife and kids, he is seeking your counsel on gear purchases , his mom tells you he is getting help to make his house payment .
    Time to grow up and fend for the wife and kids without MOMMY paying for it. Really. If he is a good friend time to pony up and let him know ,wife and kids come FIRST ..

    I had a guitar on lay away a while back. Almost had it payed off. We need a new truck and have been putting money into THE TRUCK FUND form down payment. I went to GC to make a payment and saw something I wanted . I called the Management and told her about it thinking she would be cool with the switch and ....... She said " Can You Drive The Mother****er to work ???? Any more questions?/????
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2016
  7. spyeman

    spyeman Member

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    Direct him to a used Jay Turser immediately.
     
  8. thewhit

    thewhit Silver Supporting Member

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    Addiction is a cruel mistress.

    This guy clearly knows what where he stands and doesn't require anyone to tell him what to do. If he already is getting help on the mortgage and relying on that....he's pre-booked a ride on the slippery slope highway.
     
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  9. pjs ire

    pjs ire Member

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    And the problem is?
     
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  10. RTR

    RTR Supporting Member

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    I dunno, he's a married man with a family and should know what priority number one is. You're not making him buy anything or encouraging him to do so. If his wife were to ask you to step in that would be a different story.
     
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  11. lefort_1

    lefort_1 Nuzzled Firmly Betwixt Gold Supporting Member

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    "I dunno, bro.... you really need another clean boost with hairy edges?
    You'd prolly need a bigger supply and the Cioks is it but that's another 4 hundy over yer budget and you don't want to the roof to get thin...knowhatImean?"

    Sometimes, the Brakes are the best Pedal To Punch.
     
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  12. Turi

    Turi Member

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    Hmm.. similar situation I've got.
    One of my mates is always buying video games etc but yeah .. got rent, a babies, bills to pay, that he already can't afford.

    He's always shooting me links of the games he's buying and other things he's keen on.. phones.. consoles.. etc etc.. that kinda thing..
    I'm ALWAYS saying "Aren't you way poor?" "how can you afford that with no job, lol?".. nothing happens.. friendship not affected, he laughs it off.. keeps buying things out of their food money etc.. not good.

    The next level, which I won't go to - would be to sit down and have a real talk with him about it.
    I just feel like who the F am I to tell someone how to live their life, though, so I can't see that happening.
     
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  13. DustyRhodesJr

    DustyRhodesJr Supporting Member

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    Reminds me a dude who used to work for my brother.

    Brother is ex-military, and he is a supervisor for a military contractor and he works alongside both
    some civilians and some active military and some in the Natl Guard.

    It is 95% or more men, so there is a lot of interest in guns, fishing, outdoor stuff, and
    music/guitars.

    One guy there was obsessive/compulsive, and anytime someone would buy a gun or fishing
    rod, etc., OCD guy would go crazy and buy a bunch of stuff for himself and bring the stuff
    into work and show it off.

    My bro was concerned as he knew the guy lived in a rented mobile home, and had no money
    to be blowing on luxuries.

    Someone bought a guitar, so OCD guy then wanted to buy a $3000 Les Paul. He already had
    an Epi Les Paul that was pretty nice.

    He put a down payment on it and everything. He left some work undone, and my bro and
    another supervisor went to the guys Mobile Home on the weekend to drop it off.

    Well, the grass was grown up, place needed all kinds of repair, and the kicker, there was a
    notice of non-pay of utilities stuck to the door.

    OCD guy had not even paid his electric bill, to the point of it being cut off, and yet he was
    buying a 3K guitar.

    My bro talked to him about it the following Mon., and he told OCD guy that he cannot welch on
    his bills (OCD guy was still in the Nat'l Guard and they require you to keep up timely with
    bills). To his surprise, the next day the guy abruptly quit both the Guard and his civilian job.

    He now works at a fast food restaurant making about 1/5th what he did.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2016
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  14. sanrico

    sanrico Member

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    I would say something. If he's my close friend, I don't want him to make a bad mistake, and sometimes it takes a friend's hard truth to open one's eyes.
     
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  15. kkregsg

    kkregsg Member

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    A former girlfriend commented on a guy we both knew, saying "He always has money for drugs and alcohol, but can't pay any of his child support." She was not a big fan of his.
    Just my opinion, but if someone is neglecting his family, I think a friend owes him a wake up call. If it costs you a friendship, is that the type of person you want for a friend? We all have to grow up sometime. I've had good friends point out flaws in my thinking when I was younger, and I got my act together as a result. YMMV.
     
  16. mattball826

    mattball826 Member

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    He's heard the "don't let anything get in the way of your dreams" thing

    He's a mature adult making his own decisions. Good or bad. You can suggest an alternative, but any consequence of his expenditures he must learn from on his own, and he likely will. If he chooses an alternative to buying gear he can't afford, then he learns from that as well (priority, patience, saving).

    His monetary business with his immediate family is his own. He may not appreciate outside commentary.
     
  17. dconeill

    dconeill Member

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    You have diagnosed your situation correctly: you are an enabler. Sometimes being adult means not doing something you'd like to do so you can do something you have to do. Sounds like your friend needs to learn that. And maybe you can help him by not consulting on that next gear purchase.
     
  18. R3deemed

    R3deemed Member

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    But you're very close?
     
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  19. Exiled_On_Main_St

    Exiled_On_Main_St Member

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    I'd definitely say something. I'd make it clear that I'm saying it because I care, and that people who love him and depend on him are scared for him and their situation and he needs to sort it out right now.

    I spent a long time medicating myself with retail therapy, until I got in debt and scared the **** out of myself when I realised what the lack of security and stability meant.
     
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  20. 9520575

    9520575 Member

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    I have friends that are so awful with their money. Yet, if you bring it up they freak out, none of your business. Which is true.

    You can watch the decent, but can't do much about it.

    Just remember this when he asks you to borrow money. Don't say yes, even to $20 bucks.
     
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