Friend who can't afford gear

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by TheClev, May 2, 2016.

  1. TheClev

    TheClev As seen on TV

    May 16, 2012
    Long story short, I have a very close friend who consults my opinion on many of his gear purchases. I found out this weekend (from his mom) that he is barely making ends meet and is currently getting help to pay the mortgage...meanwhile, he's asking my opinion on the next gear purchase, which he intends to make immediately. Should I say something? He has a wife and two kids at home. I'm starting to feel like an enabler. I like chatting tones and gear with him, but he definitely appears to have more pressing needs.
    CubanB and Turi like this.
  2. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Member

    Jan 10, 2016
    14 Megameters from Groong Tehp
  3. phoenix 7

    phoenix 7 Silver Supporting Member

    Jun 6, 2005
    Is he using the gear to make money? Is he selling a piece every time he buys a piece? If not, and if he's "a very close friend," then I'd say something - tactfully.
    murraythek, derekd, MrLahey and 4 others like this.
  4. TheClev

    TheClev As seen on TV

    May 16, 2012
    I don't think so.
  5. Totally Bored

    Totally Bored Member

    Nov 22, 2008
    New York
    If he's a "very close friend" I'd absolutely say something.

    Dude I hear you can't pay your mortgage but you want to buy some gear. What up with that ?

    Then I'd be done with the topic.
  6. DV52

    DV52 Member

    Sep 6, 2010
    palmyra country club and lounge
    He has a wife and kids, he is seeking your counsel on gear purchases , his mom tells you he is getting help to make his house payment .
    Time to grow up and fend for the wife and kids without MOMMY paying for it. Really. If he is a good friend time to pony up and let him know ,wife and kids come FIRST ..

    I had a guitar on lay away a while back. Almost had it payed off. We need a new truck and have been putting money into THE TRUCK FUND form down payment. I went to GC to make a payment and saw something I wanted . I called the Management and told her about it thinking she would be cool with the switch and ....... She said " Can You Drive The Mother****er to work ???? Any more questions?/????
    Last edited: May 2, 2016
  7. spyeman

    spyeman Member

    Feb 18, 2005
    Direct him to a used Jay Turser immediately.
  8. thewhit

    thewhit Silver Supporting Member

    Feb 2, 2007
    Santa Cruz County, Ca.
    Addiction is a cruel mistress.

    This guy clearly knows what where he stands and doesn't require anyone to tell him what to do. If he already is getting help on the mortgage and relying on that....he's pre-booked a ride on the slippery slope highway.
    Rick51, Lef T and MrLahey like this.
  9. pjs ire

    pjs ire Member

    Jan 14, 2002
    And the problem is?
    dubdub likes this.
  10. RTR

    RTR Supporting Member

    Mar 3, 2013
    I dunno, he's a married man with a family and should know what priority number one is. You're not making him buy anything or encouraging him to do so. If his wife were to ask you to step in that would be a different story.
    Turi likes this.
  11. lefort_1

    lefort_1 Nuzzled Firmly Betwixt Gold Supporting Member

    Aug 4, 2012
    "I dunno, bro.... you really need another clean boost with hairy edges?
    You'd prolly need a bigger supply and the Cioks is it but that's another 4 hundy over yer budget and you don't want to the roof to get thin...knowhatImean?"

    Sometimes, the Brakes are the best Pedal To Punch.
    Pizza, MrLahey and Turi like this.
  12. Turi

    Turi Member

    Jan 2, 2011
    Hmm.. similar situation I've got.
    One of my mates is always buying video games etc but yeah .. got rent, a babies, bills to pay, that he already can't afford.

    He's always shooting me links of the games he's buying and other things he's keen on.. phones.. consoles.. etc etc.. that kinda thing..
    I'm ALWAYS saying "Aren't you way poor?" "how can you afford that with no job, lol?".. nothing happens.. friendship not affected, he laughs it off.. keeps buying things out of their food money etc.. not good.

    The next level, which I won't go to - would be to sit down and have a real talk with him about it.
    I just feel like who the F am I to tell someone how to live their life, though, so I can't see that happening.
    TheClev likes this.
  13. DustyRhodesJr

    DustyRhodesJr Supporting Member

    Apr 16, 2011
    Reminds me a dude who used to work for my brother.

    Brother is ex-military, and he is a supervisor for a military contractor and he works alongside both
    some civilians and some active military and some in the Natl Guard.

    It is 95% or more men, so there is a lot of interest in guns, fishing, outdoor stuff, and

    One guy there was obsessive/compulsive, and anytime someone would buy a gun or fishing
    rod, etc., OCD guy would go crazy and buy a bunch of stuff for himself and bring the stuff
    into work and show it off.

    My bro was concerned as he knew the guy lived in a rented mobile home, and had no money
    to be blowing on luxuries.

    Someone bought a guitar, so OCD guy then wanted to buy a $3000 Les Paul. He already had
    an Epi Les Paul that was pretty nice.

    He put a down payment on it and everything. He left some work undone, and my bro and
    another supervisor went to the guys Mobile Home on the weekend to drop it off.

    Well, the grass was grown up, place needed all kinds of repair, and the kicker, there was a
    notice of non-pay of utilities stuck to the door.

    OCD guy had not even paid his electric bill, to the point of it being cut off, and yet he was
    buying a 3K guitar.

    My bro talked to him about it the following Mon., and he told OCD guy that he cannot welch on
    his bills (OCD guy was still in the Nat'l Guard and they require you to keep up timely with
    bills). To his surprise, the next day the guy abruptly quit both the Guard and his civilian job.

    He now works at a fast food restaurant making about 1/5th what he did.
    Last edited: May 3, 2016
    dubdub likes this.
  14. sanrico

    sanrico Member

    Aug 13, 2009
    Nuevo México
    I would say something. If he's my close friend, I don't want him to make a bad mistake, and sometimes it takes a friend's hard truth to open one's eyes.
    pbmw, TheClev, pepedede and 2 others like this.
  15. kkregsg

    kkregsg Member

    Jan 19, 2012
    Portland OR
    A former girlfriend commented on a guy we both knew, saying "He always has money for drugs and alcohol, but can't pay any of his child support." She was not a big fan of his.
    Just my opinion, but if someone is neglecting his family, I think a friend owes him a wake up call. If it costs you a friendship, is that the type of person you want for a friend? We all have to grow up sometime. I've had good friends point out flaws in my thinking when I was younger, and I got my act together as a result. YMMV.
  16. mattball826

    mattball826 Member

    Oct 23, 2009
    He's heard the "don't let anything get in the way of your dreams" thing

    He's a mature adult making his own decisions. Good or bad. You can suggest an alternative, but any consequence of his expenditures he must learn from on his own, and he likely will. If he chooses an alternative to buying gear he can't afford, then he learns from that as well (priority, patience, saving).

    His monetary business with his immediate family is his own. He may not appreciate outside commentary.
  17. dconeill

    dconeill Member

    Dec 9, 2006
    You have diagnosed your situation correctly: you are an enabler. Sometimes being adult means not doing something you'd like to do so you can do something you have to do. Sounds like your friend needs to learn that. And maybe you can help him by not consulting on that next gear purchase.
  18. R3deemed

    R3deemed Member

    Jul 26, 2005
    Maine (USA)
    But you're very close?
    Killed_by_Death likes this.
  19. Exiled_On_Main_St

    Exiled_On_Main_St Member

    Feb 4, 2013
    I'd definitely say something. I'd make it clear that I'm saying it because I care, and that people who love him and depend on him are scared for him and their situation and he needs to sort it out right now.

    I spent a long time medicating myself with retail therapy, until I got in debt and scared the **** out of myself when I realised what the lack of security and stability meant.
    pepedede likes this.
  20. 9520575

    9520575 Member

    May 26, 2011
    Boston, MA
    I have friends that are so awful with their money. Yet, if you bring it up they freak out, none of your business. Which is true.

    You can watch the decent, but can't do much about it.

    Just remember this when he asks you to borrow money. Don't say yes, even to $20 bucks.
    CubanB and pepedede like this.

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