Discussion in 'The Pub' started by fisticuffs, Feb 25, 2015.
Anyone got one? I need one for a show I just booked.
Here's one that was created for legendary folksinger/activist Utah Phillips:
To Whom It May Concern:
I, the undersigned, do positively aver, assert, and confirm that at the behest of [NAME], host, employee, and loud-speaker-in-chief of [VENUE], I, the undersigned, will present myself in a timely manner, sober, appropriately attired, bathed, shod, and coifed, at the premises of the afore mentioned [VENUE] on [MONTH] the [DATE], year of a number of misguided persons lord 20__, at a time mutually agreed upon for the purpose of regaling an audience, as well as whatever minions choose to huddle around, with assorted rural ribaldries, raucous rusticana and fecal badinage for a period of two hours at least, or for whatever additional time needs to be thrashed out.
In consideration of which, I, the undersigned:
(1) Will be remunerated in the amount of [_____] dollars to be tendered to me, the undersigned, in cash, long green, big roundones, mazuma, sheckles, immediately following the cessation of hostilities.
(2) Will receive transport for myself, the undersigned, via great iron bird, i.e. aircraft, both to and from [LOCATION], U.S.A. and our domicile nestled in the foothills of the Northern Cascades.
(3) Will be provided with accommodations in a modest but substantial pension which must be none the less accoutrified with appropriate amenities (room service, magic fingers, flush toilets, etc.) for the period of two nights (with the days thrown in) encompassing our arrival in the early PM on [DATE] and our departure from those premises in the early AM [DATE].
To which document I, the undersigned, as purveyor do now affix, inscribe, scrawl or otherwise append my legend, imperator, sigil, and signature and require that the recipient of said services (pay master) reciprocate when expedient, remitting one copy to me.
I am therefore, your obedient servant,
Recipient of services authorized
purveyor agent therefrom, thereat or theretoo
(1) Dressing room - N/A. I will appear already dressed.
(2) Back stage food -
a) several Vienna redhots with the works.
b) one portion marinated tofu over short grained brown rice (steamed).
c) bottled water.
d) dental floss.
(3) Security - Studio audience upon entry will be lightly searched and (if necessary) divested of any and all genetically altered fruits and vegetables. (Thick skinned tomatoes, for instance, have been known to reduce a guitar to rubble when hurled from as far as 8 or 10 furlongs.)
Agreed ____________ Agreed _____________