Hanging 'em up

[jeffh]

Busy life , I work 3 contracts 50-70hrs+ a week ( IT stuff) have a three year old, very active child. Told the guys I was done today, 5+ years with this band playing guitar, almost 10 with the drummer, and poof....

I know it is the right thing to do, family has to come first, but it does feel a little odd.

I am building a room in basement, and have started playing drums. Hope to get a "for fun" band going in the fall. Being home and doing it will be much easier to juggle.

Anyone else gone through this... I guess it is inevitable once you have kids.

 

[5E3]

Face it, you're an old, almost over the hill, "family man."

It happens to the best of them ... or the lucky ones anyway. :AOK

p.s. Just take a break, you'll be back.

 

[Seegs]

I retired from active gigging in 2005...for different but very similar reasons...part of me misses it dearly and another part likes having a steady income somewhat above the poverty level that I earned as a muso

the positive side is that I can afford to buy and sell more gear...

Chow,
Seegs

 

[jamiefbolton]

i feel you Seegs. i've been traveling full-time since aug '05 and weekend stuff from '02-'05. our singer quit in aug. '08 and we've been hacking at it since then. me and the drummer joined a few other bands and are now packing it up in the car then driving up to meet the others and its taking its toll on me. not to mention the miles on my car.

i'm not sure how much more i can take.

Jeffh...hang in there and play when you get the chance

 

[Jay Mitchell]

Anyone else gone through this... I guess it is inevitable once you have kids.

I went from a being full-time musician from 1974-83 to a completely different career thereafter. I returned to college and got a couple degrees while I was still gigging. When I completed my master's degree, I moved away from Atlanta to take a job in my new field. That move took me away from my network of musical contacts, and I had no occasion to build new ones in the cities in which I lived afterward. I didn't play a paying gig for more than 20 years after that.

It felt weird at first, but I realized after a few years of not gigging that I hadn't been in a bar since that time (other than the occasional industry trade show) and, more importantly, that I didn't miss them at all. I also eventually had kids, and they were (and are) always the top priority.

I took advantage of my "time off" to do a ton of listening. I bought recordings of everything from Lyle Lovett to Dvorak, from Dwight Yoakam to Ornette Coleman, and I listened. I discovered and rediscovered music that, had I remained a professional player, I might not have had the time or motivation to give any of my attention.

I spent time practicing on a regular, not always daily, basis. Around 2000, I returned to practicing daily. Beginning about 3 years ago, I began seeking out other players, and I now play gigs from time to time. I just found a teacher who is capable of helping me make additional progress. The result of all this is that I'm now playing better than I ever did. I'm far less chops-driven and much more musical, and I enjoy it much more than I ever have in my life.

My advice: don't sweat it. Remember the things that made you want to play in the first place. Listen all the time. You can return to playing much more easily than you might think.

 

[franksguitar]

Now being an empty nester and 56 I want to gig more! Before I quit I'll be in my grave!

 

[pickaguitar]

I thought you were hanging up the busy job and keeping the band...too bad

 

[derekd]

I went thru this also about 15 or more years ago. Four kids, very demanding job. Quit the band I was in. Played in church the entire time, and got back to gigging after the kids got older. Youngest is 14 now, and I gig weekly, and still play at church.

 

[chrisr777]

I quit music for a while to do the family thing. My best friend and bass player (same person) got fed up after a few years and dragged me back into the studio. I still didn't get back into a band fulltime until my first kid was about fifteen. After I got back into it I couldn't believe I ever left. There was this big hole in my life that needed to be filled. Just don't ever put down the guitar. My kids used to fall asleep on the couch while I was riffing away. They insisted it wasn't a comment on my playing.

 

[DrSax]

you never know when you'll pick it back up again. Keep all your gear, try to keep some chops together.

I don't have enough time to play, and I don't have kids or a full time job. I do have a wife and a dog, and they demand too much of my time already. I'm extremely selfish with my time, I admit.

 

[BallisticGuitars]

Busy life , I work 3 contracts 50-70hrs+ a week ( IT stuff) have a three year old, very active child. Told the guys I was done today, 5+ years with this band playing guitar, almost 10 with the drummer, and poof....

I know it is the right thing to do, family has to come first, but it does feel a little odd.

I am building a room in basement, and have started playing drums. Hope to get a "for fun" band going in the fall. Being home and doing it will be much easier to juggle.

Anyone else gone through this... I guess it is inevitable once you have kids.

I would think if spending time with your family was that important, you'd cut back on the work hours instead of dropping music altogether.

 

[jeffh]

I would think if spending time with your family was that important, you'd cut back on the work hours instead of dropping music altogether.

I wish it was that easy. In about 6 months that will be an option. Long story, but I have worked for two companies in the last 18months that were accquired by another company that has led to my odd contract situation and long work weeks. Contractually I can't get out of it for about another 6 months.

 

[epluribus]

No worries. I did twenty off on a Rip Van Halen nap, same sort of reasons. Missed the guitar, but what you get from investing your soul in your family defies description...it's huge. What it does to your chops is a little discouraging for a short time, but what it does to your artistry and your vision--no comparison. Listen and watch and be enriched, and come back when the time is right and the batteries are sizzlin'.

--Ray

Besides...when you're a DINK and you have cool toys you're...a DINK. But when you have kids and you have cool toys, you're a Good Father.

 

[fretless]

I did the same thing 7 years ago. Gigging became more work than fun. After a 14 hour shift playing out that night and getting home at 3 am only to start the cycle over the next day became WAY too much. Like you I love spending time with the kids, and I felt guilty as sin spending half of Sunday (my only day off) in bed trying to get my body to recover where the kids wanted to spend time as a family. Deciding to quit active gigging was one of the best ideas I ever did. Musically I spend time recording at home and playing with a few good friends who share the same musical direction as me, so the drama factor is non-existent, which is priceless in itself.

 

[Road King]

Remember that movie City Slickers? Just one thing. I think you chose the right one. I made that decision 25 years ago, and although being a full time musician was/is a blast, it cannot compare to my wife and my two sons. I love you Daddy sounds alot more musical to my ears than ROCK AND ROLL DUDE, YOU GUYS ROCK.

Bottom line: Did I miss it after I quit? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.

 

[Guitar Slinger6]

Just don't do what I did and put the guitar in the closet, you will regret it.

 

[freedom's door]

Besides...when you're a DINK and you have cool toys you're...a DINK. But when you have kids and you have cool toys, you're a Good Father.

Dude!
I used to think i was pretty good at building tracks- but i must admit you are the track master!!!

 

[billygoat]

Man, I am on the edge of this dilemma as well. 2 kids: 3 and 6 months, and everything was going fine. Get the kids to bed, and we practiced weekly 9-midnight, then we got a rehearsal space. Now everyone wants to practice 7pm-10pm, which is impossible for me (if I'm going to see my kids, and help my saint of a wife get them in bed) So what to do? I haven't practiced with the guys for 2 weeks, and the last time I did, I got there at 9 and we practiced together for an hour... It doesn't help that I've moved to the suburbs and everyone else still lives downtown. Or that i have a wife and kids, and everyone else in the band has neither.

They've been understanding, but I feel like a jerk. So I'll wrestle with it for a little longer, but in my heart of hearts I know this is doomed....

 

[jeffh]

They've been understanding, but I feel like a jerk. .

Exactly how it was in the band I was playing in. I was the only one with family, the guys were understanding but I always felt everyone had to work around my schedule. It never felt comfortable.

 

[jeffh]

Some interesting posts and advice. I think like others in the end it will actually be better for me musically. I will certainly miss the guys in the band, it's like a team really. I think as you become a parent your priorities change, and I couldn't justify to myself anymore.

My son saw the track, he and I think it is beyond cool !!!