How do I extracate myself from this band?

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by jackson, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. jackson

    jackson Supporting Member

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    Dear Abby:

    Long story short: very good friend of mine starts up a band - cover band, 60's-80's tunes. I agree to sit-in at rehearsals/auditions to help him out. He wants me to join, and I finally tell him that I will but only IF he finds two good singers. Well, to my surprise, he does. So, now I'm committed, and he's booking the band. Suffice to say that the band has some weak spots, and it's not a project that I want to continue. I should never have agreed to participate, but that's water under the bridge. Looking for advice on how to get out of this delicately, while preserving friendships with a couple of the members.
     
  2. Jerrod

    Jerrod Silver Supporting Member

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    Step 1. Purchase time machine
     
  3. jonnytexas

    jonnytexas Supporting Member

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    Just put it out there like you did right here. You made a mistake committing and apologize. What are the weak spots?
     
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  4. jackson

    jackson Supporting Member

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    A couple of the players.
     
  5. FenderBigot

    FenderBigot Supporting Member

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    It's really easy... "guys, this turns out to be NOT what I really wanted to do. Sorry"

    NOT via text or email, in person face to face. Stay with them until they find a replacement, even help them audition/find the guy or gal.
     
  6. Bluzeboy

    Bluzeboy Gold Supporting Member

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    This.
     
  7. GravityJim

    GravityJim Silver Supporting Member

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    ^^^^^ What they said. Just cowboy up and tell them you're not having fun.
     
  8. jackson

    jackson Supporting Member

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    I know that this is probably the right thing to do, even though I've already spent A LOT of time on this project, First gig is in two weeks, and I'm not looking forward to it.

    This probably belongs in the PUB, but I don't know how to move it.
     
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  9. BMX

    BMX Supporting Member

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    I'd send an email. Face to face is too confrontational imo. Plus you can soften the message with some well thought out background on the decision.

    Just say something like "I was tempted to stick it out because I dig playing with you so much, but after a lot of thinking about it I've decided this band is not a good match for what I'm looking for and where my passions are. Given our friendship and how important it is to me, it goes without saying that I won't leave you in the lurch and will be happy to cover all of the gigs already booked and stick around for the next 2 or 3 months while you find my replacement. I'm also fine if you want to make the change to the new player sooner-whatever is best for you and the band. Thanks again for including me in this project, it's been great hanging out with you."
     
  10. jonnytexas

    jonnytexas Supporting Member

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    10 4.
     
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  11. stimpson

    stimpson Member

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    i have been in a similar situation. tell him that you are fine with jamming but don't want to commit to any gigs
     
  12. sixty2strat

    sixty2strat Member

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    3 ways to handle it
    Speak honestly to him
    Suck it up and be unhappy
    Figure out a way to remove the weak ones

    Where in Philly are you there are tons of good guys who might be a reasonable replacement for you or once your giging it will be easy to replace the weak links.


    in another post suggested a Rule Never Name the band after a member, my 2nd Rule avoid working with friends. You may loose a friend and a gig
     
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  13. Jerrod

    Jerrod Silver Supporting Member

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    Man, you think face to face is confrontational. I think email is a weak way to punk out. Different strokes.
     
  14. xjojox

    xjojox Tardis-dwelling wanker Gold Supporting Member

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    Just drop off the key, Lee... and get yo'self free. :D
     
  15. gtrdave

    gtrdave Member

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    Would you stay if the problem children were better or changed?
     
  16. Dirty_Tones

    Dirty_Tones Supporting Member

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    I find the passive aggressive approach to be best.
     
  17. pomfret

    pomfret Member

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    I did this exactly a couple of weeks ago with a new band that wasn't going nowhere. I was feeling uncomfortable, not an easy thing to do, especially because they're nice people.

    To my surprise, their answer were "we were expecting this, thought you were going to leave sooner, and we'd like to thank you for your patience". Then we had a few beers and some laughs. Wish everything in life were so easy.
     
  18. ChampReverb

    ChampReverb Silver Supporting Member

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    Tell them you're switching to bagpipes exclusively and looking forward to gigging with them?

    -bEn r.
     
  19. stevenymets

    stevenymets Member

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    This is well said, but definitely in person, not over email. It might not be easy, but often the right way is the hard way.
     
  20. Gasp100

    Gasp100 Silver Supporting Member

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    So you have TWO good singers and still not good enough?
    You could start trying to help the other members come up to speed. If they do, awesome. If they don’t you could breach subject of replacements.
    During this there might be enough ruffling feathers so you are either asked to leave or have a legit reason for bailing.
     

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