How do I extracate myself from this band?

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by jackson, Dec 5, 2017.


  1. Metalflange

    Metalflange Member

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    How bout focus on the time commitment say how work is making you do more and blah blah tell em you wish em luck and if you know anyone to replace yourself send em in!
     
  2. Fred Farkus

    Fred Farkus Member

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    ...and you're looking forward to incorporating a 2-hour jam on "Big Country" into their set.
     
  3. RockEm

    RockEm Supporting Member

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    seriously. I would tell them honestly that you don't feel chemistry and can't devote time to anything you aren't crazy about. Then I would do what others have said and give them a certain time frame you will stick it out for to allow time for replacement.
     
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  4. markjsmith

    markjsmith Member

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    Cover gigs until they find someone. Hell, find someone yourself to replace you! Give them a date you need to be out by though! I did this and ended up in a "everybody happy" situation. I did some gigs which I didn't initially look forward to but were actually fun. I helped audition players and gave my input. Found them 2 great players, one was great (didn't work out long term), the other one did and I ended up getting a few fun sub gigs.
     
  5. Fred Farkus

    Fred Farkus Member

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    Have a couple tough guys stand beside you as you sit behind a desk in an office. Make sure you wear a nice suit. Have your friend meet you there. Tell him to have a seat and then say, "Now that you have acquiesced to my demands for new vocalists, we need to discuss a couple other weak links in your project. As successful as you were in your last assignment, I have complete faith that you can make these changes as well. Am I right?" Then side-eye the two guys standing next to you.

    Works every time.
     
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  6. erikzen

    erikzen Member

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    Spoken like a true musician.
     
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  7. Flaming Yawn

    Flaming Yawn Member

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    I left a band via email, and there was far less drama than if I had done it in person at a practice or show, the only time we were all together. There was nothing "cowardly" or "weak" about it. It was professional, and I gave plenty of notice. It all depends on your situation and relationship with the other people.
     
  8. Bluzeboy

    Bluzeboy Gold Supporting Member

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    Damn, I hope I never have to work with some of y’all.
     
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  9. paranoid70

    paranoid70 Member

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    It definitely depends on your relationship with the players and if you are 'giving notice'. If you plan to just sever ties immediately and move on, I don't see the point in meeting face to face... it would just be unnecessarily awkward - a phone call or email would be fine. If you want to fulfill commitments for a few weeks/months than yeah a one on one conversation would be best.

    A couple of years ago I was released by a band via text, it was a bit of a surprise. But honestly I wouldn't have felt any better about it if it were done in person.
     
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  10. Devnor

    Devnor Member

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    Best advice so far in this thread.
     
  11. KHAN

    KHAN Member

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    This is the only answer IMO. #3 is non-negotiable.
     
  12. Blooby

    Blooby Member

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    Start showing up to rehearsals naked.
     
  13. _____

    _____ Supporting Member

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    Really, you have only two choices:

    A. Tell him, you've been hiding serious emotions for him and can no longer stand it. That you cannot get the way he fingers his instrument out of your head. You daydream about him constantly and can no longer maintain a purely platonic friendship any longer.

    B. Sent this to his phone, email, etc...
    https://www.thegearpage.net/board/i...do-i-extracate-myself-from-this-band.1890280/
     
  14. OutterLimits

    OutterLimits Gold Supporting Member

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    Do what I do: Just tell them you are committed to something else, and for them to start looking for your replacement. Then, on the last gig, get into a ridiculous fight over it all with the remaining members, and leave feeling like you should have just quit cold turkey.
     
  15. MKB

    MKB Silver Supporting Member

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    If the folks you are in the band with cannot separate the business of being in a band from friendships, there's no way to avoid hard feelings. It's just how it is. Perhaps the cost of quitting should be thought of in this light.

    Since I don't play for a living, I try to only be in bands where I am good friends with the members, but I have ZERO problem with a person leaving for most any reason at all, as long as they leave in a professional manner. Be sure to do the gigs you commit to doing, work in a replacement if it makes sense to do so, and consider being available as a sub if needed. In almost every case I am still good friends with people that quit the band I was in, and vice versa. But there have been a few examples of folks that acted like jerks when I left. Perhaps they weren't very good friends to start with.

    In reality, every one of us will eventually leave every band we will ever join. So you might as well wish them the best and stay cordial.
     
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  16. Craig L

    Craig L Member

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    [​IMG]
    problem solved...
     
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  17. rockinrobby

    rockinrobby Senior member Professional musician ... Gold Supporting Member

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    I left my band after 15 years, my best friend plays bass in that band and was taking it personal.. Just tell him and your band members that your not into it and to not take it personal .. When your not happy then it's time to go!

    Don't stay w/ them just because they need you, you have a life too, they will find someone else as my old band did. It was the best move I've ever made to leave my old band behind...
     
  18. wrong_note_rod

    wrong_note_rod Member

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    Show up naked and demand to perform the song "3rd Rate Romance, Low Rent Rendevous" or "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer.

    that should probably do it.
     
  19. RockEm

    RockEm Supporting Member

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    thats why it's called showbusiness and not "show friends"
     
  20. BlueRiff

    BlueRiff Member

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    If it were me (not knowing these folks - big grain of salt on this), I’d try to make it work - sounds like some good raw material to work with there with the singers. Usually parts can be worked out if everyone wants to try. I’ve played with outstanding musicians and also mediocre ones. The mediocre ones with passion are often the most fun. They won’t noodle endlessly and show gaze plus when they get parts down - they are psyched! A blast to play with passionate players.
     
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