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How do I extracate myself from this band?

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by jackson, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. Jacobite_Rebellion

    Jacobite_Rebellion Member

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    Kill one, or both, of the vocalists.
    Problem solved!
     
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  2. Baminated

    Baminated Member

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    What about insisting on doing the Village People's, "Macho Man", but do a karoke demo for the band at rehearsal while stripping naked, smearing yourself in motor oil, and then doing some helicopters on the final chorus?

    whaddya think @Telefunky ?
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2017
  3. gweeterman1

    gweeterman1 Supporting Member

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    Only advice, don’t be a bitch(not saying you are now but you would be if you don’t be truthful) and man up and be honest.
    And don’t take the advice from those who say to stick it out and help the helpless ones... that never works out.
    Best of luck on the “talk”
     
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  4. strumminsix

    strumminsix Member

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    3 step plan:
    1. Man up an be prepared to play every gig on the books with energy.
    2. Sit friend down and have an honest conversation in person.
    3. Help the band transition in the next player as a courtesy to your friend.

    But I'll ask this honest question: your friend is playing in the band, you joined up, he found 2 good singers who are committed, how bad is it??? I've never found truly talented singers to stay in a band sub par musicians.
     
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  5. MoPho

    MoPho International Man of Leisure Silver Supporting Member

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    No, please don’t do this. Video and pics of OP will surely end up on the Interwebs.
     
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  6. retro

    retro Member

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    I agree it’s your problem.

    And IME a fairly typical pattern for people uncomfortable saying no.
    Which you tried to abate by
    creating a seemingly unobtainable goal with two good singers to get you off the hook. Now you’re back to uncomfortable. Which IMO is a golden opportunity to stop doing that to yourself and others by learning it’s okay to say no. Instead of extracating yourself, dive into it and take responsibility for your actions. Everyone, including yourself will feel better for it.
     
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  7. Lucidology

    Lucidology Member

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    Don't leave them empty handed ...
    Find a willing replacement for yourself who you think they will dig ...
    Spend time teaching/coaching him/her the tunes & the band's MO ..
    This will not only prove to them you care but inform them for sure, that you mean it.

    If possible ... Do this before you tell them you're quitting

    (I've done it several times as it has worked out well ... Smoothly)
     
  8. AbstractLunatic

    AbstractLunatic Member

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    Say this, "don't book anymore gigs. We need to talk. It's not you it's me."
     
  9. Shades of Blue

    Shades of Blue Member

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    I would be honest and stop it before it begins. It's more difficult to break away once the band gets some steam.

    I played in a very good praise band at a church for about a year. Things were ok for 6 months, but suddenly a few of the members alienated me for reasons I still don't know. I felt very unwelcome and like I never really belonged. I pretty much wrote an email to the music director and I left the group and the church the next day. It was a very strange and odd situation, and no one from the band or church ever bothered to contact me. My playing wasn't the issue, and the music director was giving me more and more responsibilities and solos, so I have a feeling jealousy was involved.

    I said all that to say I wish I'd confronted the band in person and been honest about why I was leaving. Leaving the band open ended like I did has been something I've always regretted.
     
  10. wrong_note_rod

    wrong_note_rod Member

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    There might be an alternative way.

    Would it possible to continue with them, knowing what it is and what they expect... but put a sort of just enough effort into it to make it work and keep them happy.. and honor your commitment

    but then allow yourself enough time to get into a second group, more to your liking? That sounds like you'd be two-timing them but I didnt really mean it like that. You can be up front with them, if you do find a group to share time with.

    At that point, if they dont like that, they can fire you, but, you are giving them a choice.
     
  11. Turbo Gerbil

    Turbo Gerbil Member

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    I'd give them a shot for a year and reevaluate. That way I honor my commitments and don't just immediately risk losing friends. If you value your friends this can be an opportunity to help them grow as musicians. Be a mentor. Alot can happen in a year.
     
  12. reddgeetarzan

    reddgeetarzan Supporting Member

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    Your friend found two good singers.....why don't you find someone to replace YOU? Problem solved....win/win
     
  13. AbstractLunatic

    AbstractLunatic Member

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    Okay, just read through all the OP comments and this is my advice.

    Tell the weak links that you want them to play the parts exactly as recorded or at least nail the riffs perfectly or you will lose interest fast. That will give them incentive to learn the parts or fire you. Either way, you win.
     
  14. musicman1

    musicman1 Member

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    Either replace yourself or actually do a few shows. If its bad that might be the end of the project anyway. Sometimes gigging will weed out problem members and you might find great replacements. Everyone wants to join a working band essentially. Gives you more options on people with better ability.
     
  15. Mule

    Mule Member

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    This is easy, In person and not at band practice tell him I'm not into this band and dont want to do it anymore. Say that you'll play any gigs on the books and help out till he finds a replacement. He may tell you to F'off but if he's a real friend it will be OK in the long run.
    I've know some guys since high school and we've been in several bands together. All of which ends up with one of us saying F' you, I quit. But after many of those occurrences we're still good friends.
     
  16. Rod

    Rod Tone is Paramount Silver Supporting Member

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    Sending an email is NOT how to do this.... face to face is not confrontational, it is truth....if they are reasonable folks, they will all understand.....
     
  17. IGuitUpIGuitDown

    IGuitUpIGuitDown Member

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    How Do I ExtrIcate Myself From This Band?
    :dunno
     
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  18. Bolt VanderHuge

    Bolt VanderHuge Member

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  19. Devnor

    Devnor Member

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    Quitting a band is usually about business or more likely lack thereof - it's fine send an email or text. Every band I've quit in the last couple years has been either text or email. No need to call a meeting and make a big emotional deal out of things. There are always other musicians to take your place. Don't worry and move on with your life.
     
  20. eddie knuckles

    eddie knuckles Silver Supporting Member

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    1 - buy a Polymoon.
    2 - Just play really loud and complain how no one understands shoegaze...
     
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