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Is band drama inevitable ?

CharlieNC

Silver Supporting Member
Messages
652
i think your right ....its such a pain starting over
There is the added benefit that you may be able to salvage some friendships by gracefully bowing out and just saying you want to focus on some other things in life. Ya know, you can be totally cool about it and who knows you may do a gig with them here and there down the road
 

GibsonGeek

Member
Messages
1,312
The insecure gf/wife thing is something I have zero tolerance for. I don’t care if you are an integral part of the band, you’re gone. Or I’m gone. People who bring this type of bs into a band are the worst.

My other favorite thing, guys who bring their significant other to an audition. Hey, nice car. Next.
 

BMX

Silver Supporting Member
Messages
3,432
Cover bands shouldn’t be democracies. It just sucks up too much energy and time. Doesn’t mean the leader needs to be a jerk, but there should be some ground rules. Have discussions about gigs or songs or whatever (get input) but then 1 person makes the decision and move on. If that leads to somebody deciding to leave you wish each other well and get someone else.

Not for everyone but for me I’d never be in another democracy cover band unless it was just friends getting together to jam with the occasional gig. If it was a real Cover band gigging every weekend it’s got to have a leader, and to be honest I don’t care if I’m the leader or someone else is.
 

cragginshred

Member
Messages
1,812
Ok lets look at it this way. Drama is inevitable, however the manner you cope with it can a)exacerbate it or b) pull the plug on it and tackle it with a mature and informed manner

All musicians are sensitive, But Some are: Hyper sensitive and won't say anything in a group setting but will behind the scenes, or nothing at all then blow up periodically.

These folks are tough to deal with and need to be gently reminded if they have concerns or song suggestions bring it up at practice or in group texts. **Likely other effective ways of dealing with these folks please share!

Others can be bossy and choose to raise their voice and repeat themselves in an attempt to get control. Usually these same people feel they have more experience than others and are more talented too.

Delusional egos really suck and need kid gloves too. I just ask myself is this person worth it then try to redirect.

Best way is to allow everyone input, limit facebook comments and behind the scenes texting. Allow everyone a voice without ever raising voices or cutting people off.

Just my 2 cents
 

stevesherbert

Member
Messages
87
I think the key for me is to have strong upfront communication, and then periodic check-ins. Tell band members that it's 100% understandable that life changes will affect their contribution to the band, but that it's 100% on that band member to clearly communicate those changes when they find out about it, and not 6 months after the fact. That way, the band has a chance to adjust without the whole project going into the toilet. Kind of like how you give 2 weeks notice before quitting a job or 2 months notice before leaving an apartment. Just because bands don't last forever, it doesn't mean you should set fire to the thing before you walk away!

I find that things tend to go sideways for me (and the band I'm in) when band members fail to communicate these things. If you're finding yourself too swamped to make it to practice, I'd much rather spend the next month looking for a replacement (or maybe reducing the number of practices / gigs temporarily) than dealing with your mopey ass for that time and STILL having to find another player at the end of it all. If you've set out to be a 'local' band, don't be surprised when someone says 'absolutely not' to a gig 500km away. If you say you want to write original songs, don't be surprised when a band member keeps wanting to work on riffs and songs that they've created. If you can't afford rehearsal fees / instrument upkeep / etc, definitely mention that BEFORE you join a band that rents a practice space or expects you to take care of your gear. If you're going to be late, give someone a heads up ahead of time (ideally as soon as you realize you're going to be late) so that they aren't waiting around for your sorry ass. If you're consistently late, LEAVE EARLY next time, set the clock in your car 15 minutes ahead, whatever it takes to stop being a turd to the rest of your band!

Change is inevitable, but how you prepare for that change isn't. Pretty much anything you tell me to my face, I can handle. What makes me angry is when you DON'T tell me, and I'm left to figure it out for myself. When you treat other band members like adults, it allows them to make informed decisions and avoid band drama. Just communicate what you want and need.
 
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soulman969

Member
Messages
3,650
My only honest answer would be that if you've never experienced band drama you haven't been in very many bands or they all broke up just before the drama took root out of sheer anticipation.

Nothing last forever but the earth and sky.......oh, and Telecasters. ;)
 

amstrtatnut

Member
Messages
12,347
There are competing desires and visions and there is actual drama.

If the band is able to stick with the program/vision, then thats half the battle. Sure there will be disagreements but the basic vision is served.

Real drama is different and unfortunately pretty common.
Caused by
Alcohol
Drugs
Spouse/significant other

In my case, married couple in band abusing alcohol and splitting up.....
 

soulman969

Member
Messages
3,650
A very old adage regarding band drama is illustrated by asking what's likely to cause more trouble than a female vocalist in a band? Two female vocalists. :bkw

While not universally true it's surely a sign that caution is advised and if brought in as a sideman it's best to keep your resume up to date and your contact list current.
 

Datsyuk

Peace, Love and Coltrane
Silver Supporting Member
Messages
1,430
That was a very keen observation and fair comment .I talk‘texted the post which is inexcusable.

I will correct it and it will not happen again .
It’s pretty much impossible to do anything these days without catching flak or the ire of some.

I found your post very comprehendible.
 

thecornman

Member
Messages
2,345
Unless you are a yes man that is happy to do what you are told for basically no financial reward then yes it is inevitable!

It has been at least 5 years since I have played in a band situation and I don’t see me ever going back.
 

bobcs71

Member
Messages
4,472
I have learned (finally!) to just go, play, and smile, no matter what the situation brings.

That way, no matter what may happen, I'm not going to be the source of any band drama.

Imho, it just isn't worth the hassle. I'd rather just play.
I try to stick with this too.
I am really and amateur sideman. I don't sing. I shouldn't be picking the songs. I shouldn't make stage or personnel decisions. I show up ready to play and take direction.
 

C-4

Member
Messages
13,488
I try to stick with this too.
I am really and amateur sideman. I don't sing. I shouldn't be picking the songs. I shouldn't make stage or personnel decisions. I show up ready to play and take direction.

My wife and I started this current band. Two of the members we picked, wound up taking over, and I finally threw my hands up and realized that there was nothing I could do, but I wanted to play and NOT have to restart another band. My wife "retired", as there was no way she could stand what happened. I don't blame her. The audience still asks if she'll come back. The other person who took the lead vocals cannot touch her ability in any way, and she hears this from audiences all the time.

I don't like making problems when I am in bands, as one's reputation can be spread to other musicians quite fast, and I want to play, not be banned from playing by other musicians. In the long run, it doesn't matter to me, as other players can lie about anyone they want and there are too many stupid people out there that will believe any gossip they here. Such is today's world. I've come up against this in other bands when they want a change. I just smile and leave. Sooner or later, these bad-mouthing band members come around, trying to act as nothing has happened. What's that saying..."Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer". ;)
 




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