Is this a di*k move? Guitar loan related.... Update/Conclusion

-sku-

Member
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723
I know this sounds strange to a lot of people, but not everyone has a happy, shiny relationship with their family.
Maybe you should add more details to your post then.
Either way it’s your guitar. Ask to get it back if it’s important to you.
Especially if he s rich and you’re not.
 

sunking101

Member
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1,587
Chalk it up to experience. Don't do longterm loans. After 15 years I say you should just give up on it.
 
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motokev

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Is this a di*k move? Guitar loan related....
nope

I've thought the same thing, offer a guitar related item to a family member or even a stranger.

But, I don't think they would appreciate it as much.
 
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bluejazzoid

Silver Supporting Member
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4,366
My nephew keeps it there for something to strum on when he visits his mom and dad.
He didn't take it with him to grad school because he doesn't really play guitar anymore. He didn't take his acoustic guitar with him either.
So is all this recent info about your nephew and the Strat coming from you actually talking with your nephew? If so, that's cool -- you should just tell him what you're thinking about doing and see what he thinks.

I still think the way you should handle it is to offer him the guitar as a gift --now-- after the 15yr loan. By doing it that way you give him the feel-good option of giving it back to you, if indeed he's really no longer interested in playing guitar (which would be sad imo)... or you end up receiving the really feel-good thing by seeing him light for encouraging him to continue playing.
 
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Astronaut FX

Gold Supporting Member
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7,126
I know this sounds strange to a lot of people, but not everyone has a happy, shiny relationship with their family.

Yup. And that's the key here. Only you know the relationship well enough to know how it will play out. It's too nuanced to be strictly yes, it's a dick move, or no, it isn't.

I don't have any nephews. But I have one niece, who is 22-years old. Substituting my niece for this scenario... If had "loaned" my niece a nice electric guitar when she was 7-years old, making a deal with her that she couldn't sell it, and she has to play it, and then asked for it back when she was 22 and in grad school, her mother, my sister, would make sure that I felt like a dick, would make sure that my niece saw it as me being a dick, etc. And to some degree, that would have been my fault for attempting to make a deal with a 7-year old (not sure how old your nephew was at the time of your deal, but I'm assuming he was a kid).

Maybe you have a better bond with your nephew and your brother than I have with my sister.
 

The Pup

No Complexity Without Value
Silver Supporting Member
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I loaned a Roland drum machine to someone when I very briefly lived in the dorms at McGuire AFB (circa early '80s).

I have since moved on.

Evidently, it was a teachable moment, because I do not lend my gear. I now just give it away.
 

Miroslav L

Member
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1,628
Several years ago, I dunno 15 or so, I 'loaned' a Fender Strat to my nephew.
When it comes to friends and family..."loaning" is almost always a "di*k" move...(not meaning that personally at the one who is doing the loaning)...because it just tends to create a vagueness that often leads to bad vibes one way or another down the road.

I'm not talking about someone "borrowing" for a known short period, like ..."Hey, my guitar is in the shop getting a re-fret, can I borrow yours for the weekend?"...but rather when you loan for some indefinite period with some kind of "rules"...etc. Those things never hold with friends and family, and there are too many variables that tend to complicate any rules.

For a friend or family member...either give it to them as gift, or sell it to them for a very reasonable price if it's not going to be for a short period "borrow" deal.
 

Guitarwiz007

Gold Supporting Member
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1,815
My first move would be to offer the guitar to him. After 15 years, I'm pretty sure it's not that special of a guitar or I wouldn't have loaned it to him. If it turns out that there is something special about the guitar, I would probably buy a Squier CV and offer that in it's place if he says he enjoys playing it. I would try to be as accommodating as possible as I enjoy my relationship with my nephew. If, on the other hand, he was just a little s***, I'd take the guitar back and not even give it a thought. It really depends on your personal relationship with your family.
 

lfio710

Member
Messages
389
This is really good advice!

Im betting that, if you were on the fence enough to have taken the time to post this, it’ll end up occupying space in your mind if you do ask for it back. I think you’ll forget about the money much sooner if you just buy a Ric, than you would feeling bad about asking for it back if you go that route.

Truth is, he's probably left it at your brother's house because he's never felt like it was HIS -- seriously, your initial deal sounds too "strings attached" to me. Why not ask your nephew if he'd like the Strat to be HIS? You've lived without it for this long, so you really don't need it yourself, right?

You really should just give it to him... maybe he'll play it more, get really good, and you'll be the cool uncle! (instead of the dick uncle lol).

My 2 cents.
 

Slapshot1977

Silver Supporting Member
Messages
751
You loaned it to him for 15 years. You've done enough. If you want it back then I see no problem. It's your guitar. Just hit him up and tell him you're grabbing your guitar. Not even REMOTELY worth sweating over.
 

weedzzz

Member
Messages
277
Just talk to him and ask if he’s using the guitar because you are looking for a Strat or something and would use that if he’s not using it, but if he does use it then it’s not a problem.

Chances are he will just say take it back, Given the fact he doesn’t live anywhere near there anymore.
 

BobbyRay

Silver Supporting Member
Messages
5,196
Yeah, families are very different. I get that. I had a hard time understanding loaning a guitar to a family member in the first place. If I have something they want, or they have something I want, it's pretty much just given as a gift with no strings attached.

That said, I would never have to make any stipulations for the person to not sell it. They wouldn't sell a gift from me before offering to give it back to me and thank me for it. So strange for me. Just not how my family operates.
 

Ozzie31220

Member
Messages
295
It's yours, and you did a very gracious and cool thing to let your nephew borrow it. Reach out to him to TELL him (not ask) that the guitar is getting retrieved, which is in alignment with caveat #2 of your deal. You're not doing a d**k move by getting it back. How your family reacts will dictate who is either an adult or a d**k. Simple as that.
 

Cornholio

Member
Messages
1,187
Nope. 1991 American Standard. Excellent, players condition.

That way too nice of guitar to have as a closet queen for someone who is no longer really playing. You have my permission to get it back. Get him a used Squier if he wants something to fart around with for the 1 or 2 times he decides to go home and visit.
 

chrisrocksusa

Member
Messages
2,089
My advice would be to let it go

It would be ‘ok’ to ask for it back, but the optics aren’t great and the reward sounds minimal

on the other hand the guitar probably has a lot of sentimental value to him whether he plays it or not. It’s a gift from his uncle.
 
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strumminsix

Member
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4,082
Maybe he's respectfully leaving it at home and a beater at school. That's what I'd do if loaned a nice guitar.

But, dude, seriously, you gave your 10 year old nephew a guitar. Be a good uncle and let it go.
 
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3,896
I think it's a d@ck move to borrow someone else's guitar for 15 years and not return it. He considers it his guitar and probably has since day one. He has no intention of ever returning it.
 

RC Mike

Member
Messages
319
I loaned an old super Strat to my teenage sister in law. Five years later it comes back stripped of anything you can take off a FR. Do I care? No. I never expected it back.

The OP has ants in his pants because he’s GASsing for more gear. Is it worth the family strain to satisfy that selfish desire? Not in my mind.

Never loan what you can’t afford to lose, and anytime you loan to family/friends, understand that you write whatever it is off. Especially after 15 years.
 




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