It's Complicated

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by MoPho, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. MoPho

    MoPho International Man of Leisure Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    5,023
    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    DFWTX
    What is the theoretical limit that one should tolerate before considering ending a relationship?

    My situation is complicated. My girlfriend is also a 50/50 partner in our business. For whatever reason, she has made even basic conversation about the business, much less the relationship, intolerable. I'll fess up and share that the business has consumed our lives working ridiculous hours and not leaving much time for intimacy. She's probably put her foot down but in the worst possible manner, constant communication that I wouldn't want my mom to hear.

    I'm not a spring chicken (50) and I've been married before. Probably me but I wouldn't wish this crap on anyone. To make matters worse she's in Louisiana and I'm in Texas. I'm selling my house with the intention of moving there but now I'm quite certain my out of state move isn't going to happen by my choice.

    What's your limit? Ever been down this road before? I'm all ears.
     
  2. BK Verbs

    BK Verbs Gold Supporting Member

    Messages:
    1,851
    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2014
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NYC
    I just went through this with my fiancé. Difference being its my business 100%. After a year of working together, we decided that if we continued, both our business relationship AND engagement was done. It puts too much stress on the rest of our relationship. Some people could do it, we can't.

    In the end we made the best descision for our life together - the most important thing. That meant an immediate stop to us working together.
     
  3. sundog964

    sundog964 Supporting Member

    Messages:
    8,983
    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2015
    That's a tough position. I know that for me it would lead to divorce if I worked with my wife. She is on the board of the company, and still challenges many of my decisions. Not necessarily that they shouldn't be challenged mind you. But in day to day operations it would be the end.

    If it is just a GF, then you both need to decide which is more important, business or relationship. Because it sounds like both will not survive without intervention.
     
  4. skronker

    skronker 2010/2013/2015 S.C. Champions Gold Supporting Member

    Messages:
    4,820
    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2008
    Location:
    Aloha from Oahu, Hawaii
    You've got to assess which relationship you value most.
    Do you value the business relationship more than the personal relationship?
    Can you continue the business without her?

    If you can continue the business without her and she is willing to do so, do you think she values the personal relationship more than the business?

    From your post it sounds like YOU haven't decided what is more important to you and what will make you the happiest.
     
  5. Tone_Terrific

    Tone_Terrific Member

    Messages:
    25,066
    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2004
    Location:
    Canada-GTA
    You break up and you lose your relationship, half your business assets and investment, and you are out of a job? Her, too? And in separate states. Complicated, indeed. Kids anywhere?
     
  6. MoPho

    MoPho International Man of Leisure Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    5,023
    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    DFWTX
    A bit more background:

    We've worked together for 15 years or so and both are driven business people. This is business #2 that we've started together. Business #1 was a successful consulting practice. The current business has struggled further putting strain on the relationship. I remain optimistic while she wants to spend endless hours harping on the negative blame game. I have IMs and email messages you wouldn't believe over years. Had we worked as a team during this time, we would be in a far different place for both the business and relationship. Our business requires resources that creatively collaborate. It needs both of us. Had I not seen the synergy of our respective skill sets, this would have never happened. The reality is that we make a great team. It's the hatred perhaps mixed with some before-my-time personality issues (and general middle aged female sh*t) that rears its head every hour of every day. Like I said previously, I've been divorced so I'm apparently nit perfect either.
     
  7. treeofpain

    treeofpain Supporting Member

    Messages:
    6,390
    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2007
    Location:
    Columbia, SC
    If you had to choose between the business partnership and the personal relationship, which would you choose and why?

    (This of course assumes that one could exist apart from the other, which is not always the case).
     
  8. The Captain

    The Captain Supporting Member

    Messages:
    11,756
    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2007
    Location:
    Australia
    It's not always easy to see where the line is, but it's often easy to see when you are over it.
    Sounds to me as though you are over it.
    Weirdly, my wife and I do best when we work really closely together, either at work or at home. Our years of running a business together, in each other's pocket 24/7, were some of the best years of our marriage.
    We have a saying which goes "we do well together".
     
  9. derekd

    derekd Supporting Member

    Messages:
    34,719
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2007
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    I'm sorry you are in this situation. Tough call only you and she can make.

    Have you had this conversation with her? If not, why not? If so, what is her take? Sounds like the path you are on is no good for either of you. Is there ground for you guys to retrench and find some space that is workable, either biz alone, or relationship sans biz?

    I wish you well.
     
  10. Gas-man

    Gas-man Unrepentant Massaganist

    Messages:
    18,653
    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2006
    Location:
    Dude Ranch Above The Sea
    I'll cut to the chase...

    Sounds like you aren't into her any more (hey, it happens).

    Sever the business relationship FIRST, then cut her loose as a GF.

    Hell hath no fury and all that...
     
  11. neastguy

    neastguy Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,685
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Location:
    ohio
    these threads are tough without pics. IMO
     
  12. AZChilicat

    AZChilicat Member

    Messages:
    30,840
    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2013
    Location:
    The Land of Sweet, Sweet Likes
    Situations are complicated but the formula for your decision is very simple:

    Bad Stuff > Good Stuff = time to consider ending.

    You have to ask yourself if you can change that inequality back the other way and if it's worth the work to do it. If you answer, "No" to either of those questions it's time to jettison.
     
  13. gigs

    gigs Member

    Messages:
    10,148
    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2009
    Location:
    Pittsburgh - aka SIX-burgh
    The way I process complicated relationship things is... #1 an honest look at yourself, your actions, your behaviors, your intentions, etc... and see if there are some things you can improve in yourself. Admit your shortcomings to yourself and to her and really work on improving them. #2) if she can't do the same with herself (given time) then at least you did the best you could on your end.
     
  14. feet

    feet Supporting Member

    Messages:
    3,482
    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2011
    posting about it = its over.

    if you've been together this long and can't get it together, ditch one to save the other or cut both loose. you're probably heading that way anyway, whether you realize it or not. if you did all you could, your conscience is as clean as its going to get.
     
  15. MoPho

    MoPho International Man of Leisure Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    5,023
    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    DFWTX
    Absolutely correct! Anyone want screenshots?
     
  16. C-4

    C-4 Member

    Messages:
    9,247
    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2009
    Location:
    Here for now, Europe when I die. Am I dead yet?
    Someone once told me "Don't get your meat where you get your bread".
    I live by that and it works for me. ymmv
     

Share This Page