Joke Thread!

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by Liquid Ranger, Apr 16, 2019 at 12:25 AM.

  1. Liquid Ranger

    Liquid Ranger Supporting Member

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    OK, I'm running out of good material but here goes.....


    So I went to my doctor the other day and he looks at me and says " You have to stop masturbating "

    "WHY?" I replied.

    "Because I'm trying to examine you for crying out loud "
     
  2. ellis dee

    ellis dee Member

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    So I went to my doctor the other day and "SHE" looks at me and says "
     
    Scrapperz likes this.
  3. Horizontalmode

    Horizontalmode Member

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  4. Misterbulbous

    Misterbulbous Member

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    Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?




    Fo’ Drizzle.
     
  5. deeohgee

    deeohgee Member

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    How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?


    The answer may shock you!
     
  6. Boston617

    Boston617 Member

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    How many McMahons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None. THE LIGHT BULB SCREWED THE LIGHT BULB, DAMMIT.
     
  7. bullfrogblues

    bullfrogblues Supporting Member

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    The Marriage Seminar...
    At St. Peter's Catholic Church, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.


    At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.


    [​IMG]



    Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'


    The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?
    Giuseppe proudly replied, "I gonna go picka her up."
     
    Boston617 and ChampReverb like this.
  8. hellbender

    hellbender Member

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    Who told you to put the balm on?

    oh and.....IBTL.
     
  9. Sam Xavier

    Sam Xavier Member

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    A band is travelling in their van, gets involved in a crash and all of 'em are killed outright. Suddenly, they find themselves at the Pearly Gates (I know, it's a stretch), greeted by St Peter.

    "Now lads, I know this is a bit of a shock, but there you go. Any road up, we intend to make your stay here as pleasant as possible, this being Paradise and all that malarkey", says St Peter, "So, in order to give you the full Paradise Experience, I need to know a bit about each of you."

    The first band member steps up and says, "My name is Steve and I play guitar"

    "Great stuff!" replies the Saintly One, "What's your IQ?"

    "Around 160", says Steve.

    "Cracking stuff, Steve! Well, off you pop down that there corridor and take the second door on the left. You'll be right at home there with our other artists and philosophers"

    The next band member steps forward, "I'm Joe and I play keyboards", he says, "and my IQ is 172"

    "Rightio, lad", says St Peter, "we have just the thing. Go down the corridor to the first door on the right; it's full of computer types and general math nerds."

    Another one walks up, "I'm Bill and my IQ is 110, and I play bass", he says.

    "Okey dokey, Skipper", replies the Saint, "down the corridor, first door on your left, loads of people you'll get on with, all the sporty types you would ever like to meet".

    The last member approaches the Saint, "My name's Dave and my IQ is 37"

    "Ah, right!", says St Peter, "Well, what kind of sticks do you use, then?"
     
    keefsdad likes this.
  10. Badtone

    Badtone Supporting Member

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    How many drummers does it take to change light bulb?

    Two; one to hold the bulb while the other drinks until the room starts spinning.
     
    Porfirio and massacre like this.
  11. Tone_Terrific

    Tone_Terrific Supporting Member

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    :rimshot
    Not until the drummer jokes run out.
     
  12. DustyRhodesJr

    DustyRhodesJr Supporting Member

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    What do you call the tuft of hair between granny's breasts?



    Her vagina :D:D
     
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