My brother is going to jail, what should I tell my children?

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by samdjr74, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. samdjr74

    samdjr74 Supporting Member

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    Hey all,

    Without going into a lot of detail my brother is going to jail for a long time, theft and drug related. My boys, 2 1/2 and 4 love him and see him often. I'm not sure how to explain to them they won't be seeing their uncle for a while. Also I don't want them asking my parents where their uncle is as my mom is not handling the situation well. Even though my brother is a grown man he's still my mom's baby.

    And I have no intention of bringing my kids to the prison to visit my brother, that will not happen.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks,
    Sam
     
  2. Totally Bored

    Totally Bored Member

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    As little as possible. Keep them innocent as long as you can.

    They're young and will forget fast. Everybody is in they're own little bubble.
     
  3. bayAreaDude

    bayAreaDude Member

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    I would tell them. I have kids this age and I tell them all the time people who don't listen and follow the rules end up in jail - that's why it's important you listen and follow the rules.
     
  4. Adam Strange

    Adam Strange Member

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    Uncle 'Joe' got into some trouble, and he's going to be away for a little while. He still loves you, and he wishes he could be here, but sometimes people get in trouble and there are consequences

    And then you go into a quick morality tale or whatever. They get the truth, well, a sweetened version anyway, and you get to give them a lesson in consequences. Actions have meanings, all that stuff

    Obviously it's easier to say than do


    My sympathies bud, sounds rough. Thing to keep in mind is, as sensitive as kids are, they're hella tough too. Very resilient creatures
     
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  5. grill

    grill Member

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    well, as young kids we'd go see my uncle in walpole. did 5 yrs.

    kinda gave me an aversion to do things that would get me there.

    and it was good to see him.
    he was happy we came, too.

    but it's your call.

    prison is no joke and any brightness you can give your brother, i'm sure it will make his sucky day a lot better.
     
  6. Drak

    Drak Supporting Member

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    Is there a problem just telling them the truth in a wise parental way?
    'You're uncle did something wrong, got caught, and now has to pay a penalty for it.'
    'I'd take you to see him but as your dad I care about your safety too much to chance it right now, maybe one day'.
    Too honest?
    I don't think you need to pass a judgement over it to them, just present the facts.
    I'll leave any lessons you feel appropriate to teach them up to you.
    Kids pretty much pick up what's going on anyway, you'd rather be known to them as telling them the truth, right?
     
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  7. dconeill

    dconeill Member

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    Tell them the truth in a way they can understand.
     
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  8. Dog Boy

    Dog Boy Member

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    Man, sending mojo your way. Its gotta be tough for ya.
     
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  9. 80/20_Bronze

    80/20_Bronze Member

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    Sounds like a great time to teach them about doing the right thing and what happens when you don't.
     
  10. korby

    korby Member

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    My dad worked for the LAPD when I was around 5 he gave us a walk through of the jail . Seeing the toilet in the middle of the room kept me out of trouble for the next 10 years .
     
  11. samdjr74

    samdjr74 Supporting Member

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    It's not too honest but a 4 year-old won't understand this . I want to tell them the truth as well as prevent them from asking my parents about him in a way two small children will understand
     
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  12. samdjr74

    samdjr74 Supporting Member

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    Thanks, he's been going down this path for a while. It finally caught up with him
     
  13. coldinWI

    coldinWI Member

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    Kids that young, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them something in the vein of, "He went out west", or pick up the appropriate direction. They will forget, and then you can explain it to them when they're older.
     
  14. samdjr74

    samdjr74 Supporting Member

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    I have my own issues with my brother after this latest incident and have no intention of visiting him. But even if things were good between us I'm not exposing two small children to that environment
     
  15. Stu Cats

    Stu Cats Member

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  16. grill

    grill Member

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    true but after the first visit (if u decide to take them)on the way home, i'm sure the older one will have some questions that you can answer in a parental way.

    you probably will be surprised at what he's thinking about the situation.

    i know i did. i didn't get the full story until i was in my 20's.
     
  17. bayAreaDude

    bayAreaDude Member

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    Don't you give your 4 year old a time out when he misbehaves? It's just a grown up time out.
     
  18. grill

    grill Member

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    fair enough.
     
  19. SixStringSlinger

    SixStringSlinger Member

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    Tell them he moved to France. It worked on Kindergarten
    Cop
     
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  20. ACfixer

    ACfixer Member

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    Anything but the truth will bite you in the butt. Bayareadude said it right.
     
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