my gf broke it off on christmas eve

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by elnino69, Jan 1, 2018.


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  1. elnino69

    elnino69 Member

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    I don't even know why i'm writing this...i guess i just want to vent out or something.
    I've been with her for almost five years.I really really love her...and i thought she has same feelings for me.We've been in a long distance relationship since day one,seeing her every two weeks but no more than that and we chat and skype all that.You see shes younger than me (i'm 32 shes 24) she was in college and i worked and played in bar bands all my life i wasn't sure that long distance relationship is going to last but after first year it was great...for the last year i got a major pro gig with our country star as a guitar player and suddenly i worked three shifts seven days a week and played three days a week i didn't sleep more than 3-4 hours a day...but the money was good.i asked her if she was ok with it and she said it's something i love and i should carry on...of course it took a toll on us seeing each other but now it was every three weeks.two months ago she started working and finishing her degree and i told her i'm going to quit my job and just play and i was going to move in the city she is in and asked her if she would want to live with me and she was over the moon with it (i was always open of not wanting to get married and have kids in this time of my life but maybe in the future) she knew that...i found a great apartment for us and i had a rugh schedule in december with gigs andi told her i was coming home on christmas eve in our hometown (were both from the same town).we saw each other and i saw she was little under the mood...i saw that couple of times in the last two months but thought hey,we all have those days...long story short she said she can't bare the thought of me touring all the time and that we grew apart.she said that i wasn't giving her those little things i did when we first started dating...hugs, little gifts etc. in other words she thinks i started taking her for granted...she was maybe wright about that (with those little stuff) but i didn't do it on purpose...i love her even more now than before. I was just so caught up with my job and than finally having that "big break" with music career and finally living from playing music that i didn't see her slowly moving on.she basically said she loved me but she can't see being with somebody that is three or four days a week on gigs.and she was preparing herself for this breakup for months...but it hit me like freight train.
    we talked about it and i even said i'll stop touring and find regular work and i'll do everything she needs/wants just to give me a second chance...but to no avail.
    things are not the same anymore and i can't fix this.
    i asked her if there was someone else she met but she denied it.i don't know...i'm a mess.it hit me and it hit me hard.
     
  2. geetaruke

    geetaruke Member

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    Sometimes, as maddening as it may be, the only thing thsts left to do (and the only way to healing) is to move on.
     
  3. Hack Prophet

    Hack Prophet vile mighty wretched Silver Supporting Member

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    sounds like she's gone, I wouldn't do anything too dramatic

    you were probably just getting each other ready for the person you'll end up marrying

    happy new year
     
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  4. elnino69

    elnino69 Member

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    I know but...i wanted to spend my life with her.she wasn't complaining or anything (so that i could see it coming) she acted the same as always...and basically told me every little thing i ever did that she didn't like was also a contributing factor to the breakup.but those were little things...and in her head it piled up and with me being on tour last month i just didn't see it coming.

    it's my fault.i know that.it just isn't fair.
    i was doing two jobs just to have a better life for us in the future.
    i don't know... it's just f@#$$/ up.
     
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  5. Bluplirst

    Bluplirst Supporting Member

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  6. feet

    feet Supporting Member

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    done deal, dude. she didn't want to be your wife. that's all there is to it. everything else is irrelevant.

    she supported you and your dreams, but not that much. nor should she. she wants a husband. or someone that actually exists. maybe she has dreams, too. is there someone else? maybe. doesn't really change anything. go live your dreams, dude. you already lost one of the best things in your life, don't go losing the other. you've already paid for that meal, you as well eat it. might still be pretty good.

    happy new year.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2018
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  7. DustyRhodesJr

    DustyRhodesJr Supporting Member

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    She didnt want to have to buy a Christmas gift :D
     
  8. Moxsam

    Moxsam Member

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    You won't see it for quite some time, but this is the best thing that could've happened to you.

    Despite her being someone you really love, you've ended a dead end relationship.

    She wasn't the right one for you and you've gotten off extremely lucky by not wasting any more years in a relationship that wasn't going to work in the long run.

    You are actually a world closer to being where you really need to be and you don't even know it yet.

    You are at a prime age for meeting tons of new and exciting young women and finding someone who IS truly right for you. You are a very lucky man.

    However, there will be many days ahead where you will look back at your life with your ex, with nostalgia in your eyes. Do not allow yourself to dwell on the past. Even though it hurts deeply, it helps to remind yourself that she has moved her attention on to someone new. No matter what she tells you, she has eyes for someone else. Use that fact to help you bury the past. Every moment you spend looking back will someday compound into regret you will feel for wasting your time worrying about the past. Always. Be. Looking. Forward.

    Regardless of whether you are ready, or if any of it goes anywhere, get yourself dating someone new right away. In fact start dating as much as possible. A nice smile, and the gleam in the eye of a beautiful woman who is interested in you will do a world of good for your overall perspective. Even if it goes nowhere, appreciate her company, and realize that it is far better than moping around pining for your ex for the next year and a half.

    In the very near future you will have not only one, but several other women vying for your attention and commitment. You will feel forced to make a decision. When you find yourself at this crossroad, do yourself a favour and delay that decision as long as you can. Stay in that pocket and enjoy those new relationships and your youth.

    Have fun you lucky bastard.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2018
  9. Teleplayer

    Teleplayer Silver Supporting Member

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    Look back on it. You'll probably realize this was NOT the case and there were changes in her behavior and/or red flags. Highly dount, if she was truly that into you, that she wouldn't have given you any type of indication how your lifestyle was affecting her. '

    If that's truly the case, she should have communicated with you as things were going down. If she is/was that tight-lipped about things that were bothering her, then she is/was not the right person for you. People that respect one another mutually, communicate with one another - especially about significant topics that can affect the relationship.

    If she was that affected/bothered, she should have let you know. Again, when you look back, are you certain there were no red flags or indications she was dissatisfied? Normal people don't usually split up "out of the clear blue". Unless she is the type that lets things build up until she simply cannot take it any longer, I find it hard to believe she just let the whole relationship evaporate into thin air without discussing any of this with you.

    Would be interesting to hear her side. Also, are you sure you were reading her/things correctly all along? Sounds like this had been building up for her for quite some time.

    I don't know either of you, and it is just one guy's opinion; but if it truly did come down like this, it sounds as though you were two ships passing in the night.

    Lastly, are you really sure she didn't start hanging with someone else during your 2-3 week separations from one another? Sounds like she handled things in a really stealthy manner for someone that supposedly cared about you. Doesn't add up (at least to me)

    Again, just my $0.02.
     
  10. elnino69

    elnino69 Member

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    There were times when she probably tried to tell me but i guess i never truly listened and it's my fault.i know.but there were so many things i did listen and did for her...i just can't wrap my head how it came to this...
    but like you said,it doesn't really matter now.

    also thank you for your advices,it means alot to me
     
  11. elnino69

    elnino69 Member

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    And i don't know if it is someone else...we were all the time in contact through out the day...every day.it is possible she met someone at work, but she really didn't go out,maybe once in a month.but like i said it is possible she met someone.

    i can't even make myself think about that.
     
  12. recto-robbie

    recto-robbie Member

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    Im sorry bud, she probably held on as long as possible hiding her feelings. After 5 years, just when were you planning on spending LIFE with her? Think about that a moment, she probably couldn't vision the future without you touring, and seemingly a wise woman she is, knew that if you cut all the gigging out you would wind up unhappy also.
     
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  13. massacre

    massacre Silver Supporting Member

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    This exact thing happened to me, the first girl didn't dump me but after that I met the girl that would become my wife. And my mindset at that time was not to get involved in any relationships at all.
    But life is unpredictable, you never can tell what is over the horizon.

    This sucks, but you can and will get over it and move on to the next thing. Long distance relationships are hard and many don't make it. Good luck and mojo sent
     
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  14. samarshll

    samarshll Member

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    It's really insensitive to do this on Christmas Eve........
     
  15. twinrider1

    twinrider1 Member

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    It hurts. Put pen to paper and write a song before it passes. Even if it never turns into a song it will be therapeutic.
     
  16. 2HBStrat

    2HBStrat Member

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    @elnino69 sorry for your situation....sounds like for her it has been coming on for some time. You want to change everything about your life to move and be with her, but it won't work. Shes already (at least mentally) moved on. When that happens there's nothing you can do. Otoh it sounds like you have a great guitar gig. I would recommend that you concentrate fully on your career for a while.....the relationship stuff will happen naturally....
     
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  17. Dr. Tweedbucket

    Dr. Tweedbucket Deluxe model available !!!11

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    Usually when women bail they've found someone else. Better now than if you got married and had kids.
     
  18. CharlieS

    CharlieS Member

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    Sorry you're going through this. IMO she's has been planning this for some time. She worked through her feelings and was done with you before she said anything. Let's face it...it is pretty hard to be touring with a band and maintaining a long distance relationship. This sort of thing is rampant with military marriages and others who spend long periods of time away.

    Maybe you can channel your pain into creating some music. It will take time to put away what you thought the relationship was and understand it for what it actually was. Best of luck with your music career and when the time is right, you'll find the woman you should be with.
     
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  19. hobbyplayer

    hobbyplayer Member

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    Then this relationship was doomed from the start, imho.

    Successful relationships require, among other things, intimacy, open communication, and trust.

    Distance is a barrier to all of those things; electronic communication, much as it seems like it should be, is not a viable substitute for being together in real life.

    My experience has been that some established relationships can survive a period of distance, but those that began and continued as long distance relationships have impediments that can only very rarely be overcome.

    It’s awfully cold comfort for sure, but this was not your fault—nor hers.

    Circumstances just conspired against you.
     
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  20. WoRn FrEtS

    WoRn FrEtS Member

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    My ex did this the day after our fifteenth wedding anniversary. Her and her parents and our two kids went to the beach. I stayed behind because a new position at work. They arrive home the day after we were married 15 years earlier. Keep in mind that I had been with her a total of 22 years. She had just about bankrupted me twice, almost three times. Credit card debt and crap. She said I don't love you like you love me anymore. She had her mind made up, and she was somewhat out of her mind also. Left the kids with me. It was the hardest part of my life. Ever. Seeing two kids devastated. I tried to get her back mainly for kids sake. Nope. It was someone else. I knew it was. So, I dated and dated. Dated some more. Enjoyed the hell out of it. Finally settled down with my life partner. I could explain and tell all the things she has introduced me to. Sushi, steak medium, Mexico, air travel, Thai cuisine, great friends, good times, not too mention our relationship. Great and best friends. Dated six months, then married. Coming up on three years.

    Get out there. Do your thing. It will pass. Might not seem like it. It will.
     

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