my gf broke it off on christmas eve

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by elnino69, Jan 1, 2018.

Tags:
  1. Fred Farkus

    Fred Farkus Gold Supporting Member

    Messages:
    14,770
    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2009
    She's young. Everyone takes ea other for granted eventually, it's human nature. When one of you recognizes it, the other one corrects it and you move on, together. It's not an unpardonable sin by any stretch, and if anything that tells me there's a lot of emotional immaturity on her part. I've been married 34 years and yes, <raises hand>, I've taken my wife for granted before. She's taken me for granted before. One of the big lessons in life is to really and truly appreciate what you have, and it's an ongoing lesson that never stops. That alone is not a reason to bail on someone. So she's either really immature or there's something she's not telling you. Either way, you are better off now, even though you may not see it yet.

    The other thing is, her timing is absolutely and atrociously evil. She could have waited until after the 1st of the year. But making a unilateral decision like this on that day is reprehensible. If nothing else, this should reinforce to you that you are much better off without this girl.
     
    Dirty_Tones, Scrapperz and GA20T like this.
  2. Bogner

    Bogner Member

    Messages:
    4,814
    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Location:
    USA
    She did you a huge favor. You will see this in a little while.
     
  3. Allthumbs56

    Allthumbs56 Member

    Messages:
    702
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Location:
    Niagara, Canada
    Whatever you do don't embarrass yourself trying to get her back. I did that with wife #2 - once I learned the truth, well, she wasn't worth the effort I put in. Won't do that again. When it's over - it's over. Keep some dignity.
     
  4. Vintage_

    Vintage_ Member

    Messages:
    1,271
    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Christmas Eve sounds a little cruddy. But at least it wasn't a couple days after getting gifts and then bailing.
     
  5. Dirty_Tones

    Dirty_Tones Supporting Member

    Messages:
    2,555
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2017
    Location:
    Hell's Velvet Lined Boudoir
    In my experience with long distance relationships is that they generally don't make the heart grow fonder, eventually they make the heart wander. Best of luck to you.
     
  6. Papanate

    Papanate Gold Supporting Member

    Messages:
    14,636
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2013
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I imagine. Your now ex is not a good person. How cruel of her to choose Christmas Eve.
    I have nothing for you - except to say Thank God she did this now. Imagine if you had
    made all the commitments you promised first?

    And sure this is going to suck for a while - but after you start forgetting
    you'll realize that changing what makes you - you - is not something to
    do for anyone. You deserve better. You deserve someone who wants
    you to be the best and happiest person first.
     
    GA20T and Fred Farkus like this.
  7. NicDo

    NicDo Member

    Messages:
    1,299
    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2007
    Location:
    NH, USA
    That's rough- especially how it seemed to come out of nowhere.
    The long-distance thing is always hard to overcome.
    I'm sure it added a lot to it- and those times in between visits gave her a lot of time to stew over feeling lonely with out a visit every week or so to smooth things out and bring up her spirits.
    She's young for a 5 year relationship, might not be at your level of being ready to make those sacrifices.

    Hope you're feeling a little better each day
     
  8. Father Shark

    Father Shark Member

    Messages:
    7
    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2017
    As painful as it may be, for the moment, she probably did you a favor. Right now , women out number us men. They have the upper hand so to speak. We on the other hand , clamor over one another, like nimble apes trying to be a good B.f or husband. Age is a big difference when it comes to the female frame of mind. It seems that they are becoming more financially independent and super sensitive to the role of the "Superficial male". In other words, staying true to oneself and not compromising your own values will net the next feline that seeks a man of virtue such as yourself. Don't be to hard on yourself, and let the heartbreak run it's course. Peace Brother.
     
  9. 2HBStrat

    2HBStrat Member

    Messages:
    34,736
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2009
    Location:
    East of the Rockies...
    Well, not really....if there's more women than men then theoretically the women should be fighting each other for a mate, and at the same time trying to make themselves more attractive, both physically and mentally, to their possible future mates, right?
     
    Fred Farkus likes this.
  10. ReddRanger

    ReddRanger Member

    Messages:
    3,045
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    There is no excuse for timing it on Christmas eve. She knew far in advance and it was a straight eff'd up thing to do to you. She's not as great as you think she is.

    She did you a huge favor even though it doesn't feel like it.
     
    T92780 and Fred Farkus like this.
  11. michael.e

    michael.e Supporting Member

    Messages:
    19,203
    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2003
    Location:
    Half Moon Bay, CA
    Work on your career and don’t look back. As hard as it’s going to be. You don’t want somebody as a wife that you have beg for. Sorry for the pain friend.
     
    Fred Farkus and 2HBStrat like this.
  12. stormtrooper

    stormtrooper Member

    Messages:
    639
    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2014
    Location:
    New Fairfield CT
    Shes with another guy.
     
  13. killer blues

    killer blues Member

    Messages:
    1,994
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    East of Philly
    yeah, she found someone else. She knew the drill way before hand. Now she says she couldn't handle the situation? She found a "better" gig.
     
    stormtrooper and Dr. Jimmy like this.
  14. Dirty_Tones

    Dirty_Tones Supporting Member

    Messages:
    2,555
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2017
    Location:
    Hell's Velvet Lined Boudoir
    The more I think about it the more the whole Christmas Eve timing outrages me. The only thing I've heard worse is an old buddy of mine who got engaged on Valentine's Day, married on Valentine's Day, and you guess it, who's wife left him on Valentine's Day.
     
  15. I am the Liquor

    I am the Liquor Member

    Messages:
    1,528
    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2015
    Anyone who breaks up with you on Christmas Eve is not worth spending even one minute fretting over. You will be better off, and free to pursue your musical pursuits.... That is the best gift of all, all the best to you in the future, stay positive!
     
    ReddRanger and T92780 like this.
  16. Dr. Jimmy

    Dr. Jimmy Member

    Messages:
    3,944
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2006
    Location:
    Connecticut
    So when you met she was 19 and you were 27, she was thrilled at the attention from an older man (the small gifts and hugs etc... you mentioned) and the excitement of it all kind of obscured the age difference, which at those particular ages is substantial (she's not far removed from high school and you were well out of college). Five years down the road and the attention isn't quite there anymore and you're not physically there as much, she's now 24 and in college with a lot of people her own age, hanging out often etc... that 8 year difference is now HUGE because of where she's at in life. You're no longer the cool older man that she was intrigued with, now you're a guy that's 8 years older than her and not as in touch with her "generation" as her school friends are.

    No point trying to get her back or anything, she's moved on (and probably has for some time now) and so should you......
     
    stevemc and slybird like this.
  17. Rick Lee

    Rick Lee Member

    Messages:
    10,031
    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2012
    Location:
    The Desert
    OP, I don't know how many long term relationships you've been in, but, if it's been a handful or more, you can probably reflect and then take solace in the fact that they're no longer your problem and are probably messing with some other poor schmuck now.

    My hardest breakup was an engagement, where I had some money into the ring and was emotionally 110% invested. She didn't surprise me with a last minute conflagration or anything, but she ended it and it took a while for it to really be over. She's on her second husband (yes, married twice since we were engaged) since then and the first husband gets to watch her parading their daughter all over the world via Facebook now. More recently she's posted photos of their daughter and her new husband's kids all playing together while mom and dad lay in bed smiling at the whole thing. No matter how tough that breakup was on me, it has to be a lot easier than what her first husband is going through every day now.
     
  18. jiml

    jiml Supporting Member

    Messages:
    8,028
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2002
    Location:
    amorica
    In related news, I broke it off with my girlfriend on New Years day...

    There is no perfect time to break up, I loved her, but there was just too much drama surrounding her kids...
     
    jblake likes this.
  19. 2HBStrat

    2HBStrat Member

    Messages:
    34,736
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2009
    Location:
    East of the Rockies...
    Very true, but probably better than spending the holidays together, with gifts, family and all of that while trying to pretend that everything's okay, when she has one foot out the door...
     
    hudpucker and gtrdave like this.
  20. gtrdave

    gtrdave Member

    Messages:
    4,172
    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2012
    Location:
    The Small Wonder
    Yup, there's no real best time to rip the band-aid off. Just do it and move on.
     

Share This Page