Now THIS, my friends, is how you do a Craigslist Ad

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Kentano2000, Dec 8, 2016.

  1. Kentano2000

    Kentano2000 Member

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    Do you like Porches and Frank Herbert's Dune? Behold:

    (Taken from the 2nd to last paragraph): "You also need to internalize that even though this car is a panty dropper it isn't all panty-dropper all the time. The Kwisatz Haderach will kill you if you do not respect him. It's not as prone to oversteer as earlier Carreras but the weight in the back reminds me of that time I saw Kim Kardashian standing up on a too-fast merry-go-round. Be prepared to take a course on how to drive safely if you haven't already. And never take this car to the track. Ever. If I find out you've taken it to the track or modified it from stock, I will shove my absurdly well polished Allen Edmonds oxfords so far up your butt you'll taste kiwi until you die."

    http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/cto/5892287678.html
     
    kristian, Stu Cats, brainman and 8 others like this.
  2. 1radicalron

    1radicalron Member

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  3. Nurk2

    Nurk2 "Ignore Everybody" ~Hugh MacLeod

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  4. Kentano2000

    Kentano2000 Member

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    Don't think you can fit a double bass into a Carrera!
     
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  5. Redub

    Redub Supporting Member

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    Great ad post. This CL poster is obviously a massive Dune fan. One of my favorite parts:
    "You're gonna have to make me believe you'll treat him with respect and get him all his shots and love him and hug him and only use him for good purposes. And by good purposes I don't mean Gom Jabbar-ing him in a bunch of 0-60 tests. The only people who care about 0-60 times are Tesla fan bois and grlz and Bene Gesserit witches."
     
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  6. Kentano2000

    Kentano2000 Member

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    Yeah, one of the many nugget gems in the post!
     
  7. AdrenalinJunkie

    AdrenalinJunkie Silver Supporting Member

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  8. standard24

    standard24 Member

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    I posted a "tongue-in-cheek" CL ad for a MIM bass guitar, thought to be celebrity owned by Weird Al Yankovich... I included high quality pictures of the bass, and a few goofy pictures of Weird Al. I even provided proof that the instrument was probably his, because....
    1) It was capable of playing every one of his songs...
    2) It gave off a very funny vibe when in it's presence...
    3) In every photo ever taken of Weird Al, not holding a bass, this was the bass he was not holding...

    Some uptight pu$$yface twerps got indignant and flagged it. (ESAD pu$$yface twerps!)

    I actually believe Weird Al would have liked the ad....
     
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  9. Baxtercat

    Baxtercat Member

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    Should've capitalized 'Kiwi'?
    Oh, maybe his shoes are made from kiwi skin.

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Kentano2000

    Kentano2000 Member

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    He's got the groove! LOL!

    "Some uptight pu$$yface twerps:" Completely accurate assessment. You killed it, standard.
     
    standard24 likes this.
  11. loudboy

    loudboy Member

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    Probably should have spelled Porsche correctly, too?

    Altho I'd rather have a nice porch, than a Porsche.
     
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  12. Bob T.

    Bob T. Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Redub

    Redub Supporting Member

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    My all time favorite CL post is still this one from Grand Blanc, MI, posted by Karl Welzein aka dadboner on twitter.
    It's no longer on CL, but readily available on multiple sites if you search.
    Just posting the opening here - the full post and series of posts include all the scenes in his "script."

    "Roadhouse Remake Script 4 Sale. Could Be A Smash Hit?
    Attention all Hollywood head honchos. If you're lookin' for the next big summer smash ($$$) I think I got a real premium script in the works. Name's Karl Welzein, President and CEO of Bad Boy City Entertainment and possible future big business owner. Below, you'll feast your eyes on a taste of the gold, if you catch my drift. It's the first scene of ROADHOUSE: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT, starring Guy Fieri. It's pretty much the film America's been cravin' for. I'd also be willing to co-star in the film to keep costs low, (more $$$ for ya) and plus, when I put my mind to it, man, I get in some primo shape. But to be honest, the babes don't really ever have any complaints about my bod. I haven't rapped at Guy Fieri about the project yet, but pretty sure he's down. Let's set up a private convo, possibly in my neck of the woods, or you could fly me to Hollywood (first class). Maybe we could set up a little celebraish for the big contract signing? Who knows? Don't delay. Let's roll, you guys.
    Roadhouse 2012: Pain Still Don't Hurt Starring Guy Fieri Written by Karl Welzein"

    Link to his first CL ad full post archived on reddit:
     
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  14. John Hurtt

    John Hurtt Supporting Member

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    LOL!
     
  15. Dave M

    Dave M Supporting Member

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    tl;dr; even if it is for a Porshh.
     
  16. Comfort Player

    Comfort Player Silver Supporting Member

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    classic,

    Loved this section,

    "we'll set up some time for you to take a look, sniff the seats, listen to it start up, smell the exhaust, and lick the steering wheel or whatever it is you need to do for your testicles descend. If you only smoke cigarettes after sex, I'll throw in a carton of Parliament Lights. Should last through your first week."
     
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  17. chandlerman

    chandlerman Supporting Member

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    My all-time favorite.

    [​IMG]
     
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