Seeing your parent(s) in pain

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by watchingme, Apr 29, 2016.

  1. watchingme

    watchingme Member

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    So, today was the third anniversary of my brothers death. He died at 54 of pneumonia related complications the same day he went to the hospital. Anyway, I changed my profile pic on FB (yeah, I know) to a pic of my brother and my mom. Out of the blue, I get a text from her at work, telling me she had just been sitting there reliving the events of that day, when she got on FB and saw I had changed my profile pic to her and my brother. She said some other stuff, but she said never forget how much I love you.
    Arggh. My mom is 83 yo. I only changed the pic for memory sake, never thinking about she just joined FB and saw it.
    I won't lie, I got a little teary eyed and had to step out to the bathroom. Half remembering my brother, but really knowing the pain she is in losing her son.
    Just wondering if others had the same crappy feelings I had today??
     
  2. Flyin' Brian

    Flyin' Brian Member

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  3. Jamalot

    Jamalot Member

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    Gramma moved in w/us not long after grampa died suddenly of a heartattack, after 50+ years of marriage.

    Not long after that, i overheard her one night, sitting on her bed, crying.

    Broke my 12 yo heart.



    ADD: .... Making me lumpy right now matterafact
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2016
  4. Stratonator

    Stratonator Member

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    My wife lost her sister at the hands of cancer. She died at 19. My in-laws grieved hard but carried on with their two other daughters and with life in general. Two specific dates elicit strong terribly painful memories so every year, I have my in-laws and my wife feeling quite depressed and intensely sad, but the rest of the year, they're fine.

    In contrast to that, my parents are friends with a couple, the woman of which lost her mother 2 years ago. It's been total agony for this woman and she's never gotten over it. Fell in a deep crippling depression which manifests itself in crazy ways you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Now, her marriage is in trouble and it's not looking like she's trying to help herself out of it.

    Please ensure your mother doesn't follow the same path. There's grieving and then there's forfeiting the rest of your life due to the impact of a loss. And the latter is a crying shame.
     
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  5. ripple

    ripple To keep fresh, keep capped & cold. Silver Supporting Member

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    Sorry to hear about the lousy day OP. I'm sure this is a real tough day (anniversary) for you and especially your Mom, so all the better that you were there to chat with her and lean on each other for support.
     
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  6. lp_bruce

    lp_bruce Member

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    Been there. My dad had to bury a daughter (stroke at 42) and granddaughter (house fire at 4). Each one tore him up and there wasn't much we could do (of course, we were also dealing with our own grief).

    Peace,
     
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  7. RJLII

    RJLII Member

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    Been there. With my Dad when he lost his brother. Had to tell him his dad died many years later. Held his hand while he died. Sucks to be me.
     
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  8. Astronaut FX

    Astronaut FX Member

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    Sorry man. Not much in the world is worse than seeing a parent hurting. Truth be told, it probably helped her to know you were both thinking about him. I'm sure that was some comfort to her.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2016
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  9. dean owens

    dean owens Member

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    My oldest brother (20 years older than me) was an alcoholic. One day he was drinking and driving (this was actually pretty common) and he ran a red light and got hit by an UPS truck. They needed to do surgery but his body couldn't handle it because of how he had treated it with alcohol. He lasted a week in the hospital. That was about 9 and a half years ago and he was 48. It tore my mom up. We all struggled... but it was really hard for her. I think it still is... she just doesn't talk about it much. Really sorry to read about your lose. I hate death.
     
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  10. pjs ire

    pjs ire Member

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    Difficult times- peace to you, my friend.
     
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  11. Mr. Kite

    Mr. Kite Member

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    I'm sorry you lost your brother. I lost mine 42 years ago, he was very young and it really messed up my entire family. I still miss him and my mom and dad missed him all their lives too. Just love your mom and recall the good times with your brother when you and she talk. Family is the source of the greatest joy and the greatest pain I think. Any way... tomorrow is a new day, I hope you feel better.
     
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  12. sixstringfuel

    sixstringfuel Hotdogs kill Silver Supporting Member

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    Sorry for your loss.

    I lost my brother and saw what it did to my mom and dad and the rest of us. I could not imagine how it would feel to lose one of our kids or grandkids.
    Something that no one should have to endure.

    One of my life long friends lost their 7 yr. Old daughter to the flu 4 yrs. Ago. And they have been struggling with it. it is so painful just seeing them trying to deal with it. If it wasn't for them having their son I believe it would have been the end for them.
     
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  13. Blanket Jackson

    Blanket Jackson ¿Qué Hiciste? Silver Supporting Member

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    I'm also sorry to hear about the loss of your brother and the pain that remains for you and your mom. Maybe the hardest thing I have had to do thus far in this life was to watch my mom suffer through the last stages of lung cancer. There are good memories too, far more of them actually. That is what I focus on.
     
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  14. JMP99

    JMP99 Member

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    I'm dealing with it now. My father took his own life Sunday morning and my mother is the one that found him when she went downstairs.
     
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  15. Hulakatt

    Hulakatt Supporting Member

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    My wife lost her mother last year while her grandmother lives on in good health. Now we're losing my wife's uncle (brother to the deceased mother) to dementia. It's obviously hard on the wole family but I can't imagine what grandma is going through with this happening to her 2nd child.
     
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  16. ford

    ford Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

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    Oh.... I couldn't imagine losing a child to something like the flu.. where you just expect them to get better after being ill. Losing a 7 year old for any reason would be horrible, but something that 99 percent of kids recover from...ugh.
     
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  17. watchingme

    watchingme Member

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    OMG I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
     
  18. dean owens

    dean owens Member

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    wow. don't even know what to say here. so sorry to read this. i don't know you, but i wish there was something i could do to help out.
     
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  19. 84superchamp

    84superchamp Silver Supporting Member

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    that's terrible. my sympathies to you & your mom.

    my mom always said the one thing she hoped she would never have to do is bury one of her children. she's 85 and hasn't had to do it yet and mentions it almost every time i see her. Dad made it to the grave without having to do it.
     
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  20. DGTCrazy

    DGTCrazy Moderator de Emporio Staff Member

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    OP...so sorry for your loss. My parents are in the early 80's now, and my mom has had a host of health problems that have taken their toll on her. It's hard enough to watch them age like this, but I can't even imagine the immeasurable pain they had to feel when losing a child.

    To JMP99; I'm at a loss for words. I hope in time some sense can be made of what occurred. Suicide has occurred on both sides of my family, so the best I can do is prey anyone in so much pain actually find's relief and eventual forgiveness from those that are left behind.
     
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