Tips For Effective Producing

Discussion in 'Recording/Live Sound' started by LSchefman, Jun 13, 2004.


  1. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    There is only one reason to become a producer, and that's to work with hot girl singers. The trick is making them think you're a genius so that they will ignore the guitar player they've been sleeping with, and think about sleeping with you instead. Let's face it, if you were really cool, you'd BE the hot guitar player, but maybe you have no talent, or you're not into guitar, or you're just too old. Well, no problem.

    Producing is your salvation, my friend. No musical experience required! Remember, George Martin produced comedy records before he started working with the Beatles!

    So what does a producer do, besides talk a good game? Well this is the good part: the answer is, "nothing."

    It's like being a psychiatrist; all they do is nod, and say stuff like, "how did that make you feel?" or, "tell me about your mother."

    All a producer does is look at the engineer and say, "What did you think of that take?" All engineers want to be producers. The engineer will tell you more than you ever wanted to know about that take. Then, ask the engineer where the talkback button is on the console. The engineer will show you.

    Press the talkback button, and say to the singer, "How did you feel about that take?" The singer will say, "I think I can do it better." It doesn't matter who the singer is, singers are divas. They always think they can do it better. Then press the button again, and say, "That's what the engineer and I thought. Watch your pitch, that last one was a little pitchy." The engineer will nod.

    When she finishes her take, press the talkback button (hey, you're getting the hang of this) and say, "That one was better. Think about your phrasing."

    Do not end the session in time for the singer to have other plans for the evening. It's advisable to stretch the session out with comments like, "Let's listen to that one back" if it's moving along too quickly.

    The singer will be tired, but she will want some food and a drink. She will be extremely anxious about her performance, and relieved if you tell her it was good. Reassure her that she has a lot of talent. Tell her she cut a hit, for sure. Look at your watch, and say, "Hey, we both need to chill out. How about some food and a drink?" She will say yes.

    Get ready to score, Mr. Producer! ;)



    DISCLAIMER:

    OK, someone's gonna come along and not realize that this was a joke.

    Very un-PC, but a joke nonetheless. Well, you humorless studio rat, this was a joke.
     
  2. jeffnmoe

    jeffnmoe Supporting Member

    Messages:
    978
    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2002
    Straight to the archives with this one! Do not pass go or collect 200 biguns...
     
  3. Chiba

    Chiba Gold Supporting Member

    Messages:
    7,816
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2002
    Location:
    State of Denial
    I got it :)

    --chiba
     
  4. Scott Peterson

    Scott Peterson Staff Member

    Messages:
    36,814
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2002
    Location:
    Michigan
    Ahhh, now it all makes sense! :D
     
  5. MichaelK

    MichaelK Member

    Messages:
    6,477
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    Fort Mudge
    Les. I found that highly offensive.

    Not only was it sexist, it was denigrating. Do you have any idea how much is involved in producing a recording? Have you ever put it the time and effort to make an album, start to finish? Do you really think that all we have to do is sit back and ask the engineer...

    >> OK, someone's gonna come along and not realize that this was a joke.

    ...what he thinks of a take, then press the talkback button? This was... oh. Oh, wait. Wait a minute. What did you say?

    >> Very un-PC, but a joke nonetheless. Well, you humorless studio rat, this was a joke.

    Ha! I knew that all along!! :)
     
  6. Bassomatic

    Bassomatic Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    12,355
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Location:
    western ma
    Definition of a Producer:

    One who can drop a 57 without breaking it.

    (thanks to matte for that l'il quip).
     
  7. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    A follow-up:

    Today I was producing a young woman who is...well, she is a hot looking singer with a great voice.

    So after every take, I'd say, "What'd you think of that one?" And invariably she'd say, "I can do it better." Honest to god. I laughed out loud each time, and finally she said, "What's funny, I don't get it?"

    So I showed her this thread. She cracked up.
     
  8. kev

    kev Member

    Messages:
    2,469
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    Was this before or after the "food & drink" (or whatever you kids wanna call it nowadays)??? :D :D
     
  9. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
  10. kev

    kev Member

    Messages:
    2,469
    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2003
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    You must have a killer acoustic guitar case then!?! ;)
     
  11. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    >>You must have a killer acoustic guitar case then!?! <<

    Well, I used to, before I got carpal tunnel syndrome from the extra heavy strings I used to play back in the day. ;)
     
  12. GaryNattrass

    GaryNattrass Member

    Messages:
    738
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2002
    Location:
    Lanchester Durham England
    You forgot than in addition to the talkback button you have to sit at the end of the desk and play with the master output fader's pushing them ever higher as the engineer wrestles with the
    other 72 faders which are now at the bottom of their travel.

    Another producer job is to schedule which day to do the snare drum, which to do the kick, the hi-hat can be tracked by a great percussionist I know in LA and we can do the vocals in AIR Monserat if the storm season is OK.

    Mixdown will also be offshore for tax reasons! Prefereably Le Mirrabel as they have some good old wine and cheval burgers there.
     
  13. Bassomatic

    Bassomatic Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    12,355
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Location:
    western ma
    Cheval burgers?

    Yumm.
     
  14. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Gary, you realize that you work in much classier situations than I do. ;)
     
  15. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    >>don't we all Les? <<

    Aw, heck, yeah.
     
  16. MichaelK

    MichaelK Member

    Messages:
    6,477
    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    Fort Mudge
    >>don't we all Les?

    > Aw, heck, yeah.

    That's why our recordings sound so good and sell so much: hunger. Adds that edge that comercial radio loves so much.
     
  17. GaryNattrass

    GaryNattrass Member

    Messages:
    738
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2002
    Location:
    Lanchester Durham England
    10 million people get to listen to my dubbing stuff every week, I can hear them all now calling.


    Who Dubbed this ****!!!!!:D
     
  18. Bassomatic

    Bassomatic Silver Supporting Member

    Messages:
    12,355
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2003
    Location:
    western ma
    Like i always say, 'Dubbing is a Must'. Somehow, i think your yusage of the term is a different one.;)

    (with apologies to The Dub Syndicate)
     
  19. GaryNattrass

    GaryNattrass Member

    Messages:
    738
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2002
    Location:
    Lanchester Durham England
    Dubbing here in the Uk is the same as the re-recording mixer in the USA.

    Ether way a thankless job with high Producer and Director ******** absorbtion required!:D
     
  20. LSchefman

    LSchefman Supporting Member

    Messages:
    13,448
    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    >>Ether way a thankless job with high Producer and Director ******** absorbtion required!<<

    Sounds an awful lot like creating ad tracks, except that with ads the producer and director only THINK they are big-time film-makers. ;)
     

Share This Page