Turning a band down/quitting because of beliefs?

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by sanrico, Mar 12, 2018.

  1. sanrico

    sanrico Member

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    Ok, this can be discussed without going into the actual beliefs that cause friction, so let's not go there:

    My old friend has connected with a great singer/songwriter and they are forming a project. I love the genre and he said he wants me in this band, so we've been discussing plans.

    My friend came to my house for dinner and to discuss, but conversation took a sharp detour into the political zone...BIG time. Before long, there was yelling, insults, my wife had left the room and took my kid with her, and I was close to asking him to leave my house. Really bad scene and the night ended sourly.

    We texted the next day and smoothed things over, but this kind of discussion has been happening more often with this friend (although not this heated). Now I don't know if I want to put in the time to build a project just to find out we're not going to get along. No problems with the musical vision, but I don't know if we're asking for trouble.

    Have you ever refused a band offer or quit a band because of this kind of thing? What has been your experience?
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  2. monty

    monty Member

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    Was he arguing with you, or your wife?
     
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  3. 03hal

    03hal Member

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    Never been in any similar position, but I can't imagine any gig is worth dealing with that.
     
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  4. winterblu

    winterblu Supporting Member

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    Stick to music and forbid any discussion of politics and see what happens. If that doesn't work then move on.
     
  5. cadduc

    cadduc Member

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    Discussion is one thing: you can talk, you can agree and you can disagree, but you need to decide if it is worth the effort.
    Some folks have a problem talking with people that hold different views. They feel they must convert you to their position.
    I am ok with that, but I feel I will convert them to my position. Talking about that is fun for me. Not so for others, at least in my experience.
     
  6. rambleon

    rambleon Supporting Member

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    I personally don't think I could do it. Especially if you guys are doing originals. The politics/ personal views will most likely get embedded into the music sooner or later.
     
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  7. LaceSensor1

    LaceSensor1 Member

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    If he can't be civil inside of your house what makes you think he would be any different in public, on stage, after a few drinks?

    Politics aside, I would never work with someone who takes things to an aggressive level. Sounds like my older brother.
     
  8. sanrico

    sanrico Member

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    With me. My wife is a very quiet person, and does not like boisterous personalities. This guy tends to be the loudest person in the room, so she gets somewhat uncomfortable around him. After voices were raised, she bailed out of the room and took the kid.
     
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  9. reo73

    reo73 Member

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    Who started the political talk??? If it is a one time occurrence and you both can behave then just steer clear of political talk in the future; no reason it should detour you from making great music together. But, if one or both of you are prone to bringing politics into everything then steer clear. I play with 2 guys that have some very differing beliefs than I, and I am fairly sure they probably think I believe a lot of the same things as them, but none of us ever venture into that arena or seem to ever care to so we just go on playing music and having fun.
     
  10. stratovarius

    stratovarius Supporting Member

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    I would definitely want everyone to be coming from a similar perspective if doing originals. It wouldn't matter so much under other circumstances, but I have no patience for people who want to start fights over these things.
     
  11. Jon C

    Jon C Silver Supporting Member

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    I'd pass on what you describe.

    If you can't treat my family with respect, I don't want to spend time with you.

    "Sorry, thought about it, not a good fit."

    I turned down (left) a band years ago, when they wanted to do certain political benefits I wasn't willing to donate my time to.
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2018
  12. guitarjazz

    guitarjazz Member

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    Wuz anyone drinking?
     
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  13. tnvol

    tnvol Supporting Member

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    I wouldn't deal with that. I know people that want to talk about nothing but politics. They get so fired up and until you roll over and agree with them they wont stop. The last 2 years has alienated me from so many people... It's sad...
     
  14. slybird

    slybird Member

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    I would only deal with strong political/religious differences if the project was earning enough to live on, otherwise I would walk. Music and art projects are supposed to be fun. Unless money is on the line being able to enjoy the people I am working with is more important than any talent they possess.
     
  15. CPower

    CPower Supporting Member

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    No Politics No religion. If you guys can agree on that, everything should be smooth sailing. Good luck. Sounds like a good time :argue
     
  16. aiq

    aiq Supporting Member

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    No way would the scenario you described cut it.

    I have worked with a couple guys where we were diametrically opposed on world view. No problems, fun stuff. How? We knew there was no common ground and we were involved with each other for music not politics. Basic respect until you give me a reason not to respect you.

    "How about that sports team we all know and love/hate?"

    If someone could not leave it alone, or was publicly activist, or was an extremist - I know, some would likely consider me an extremist - that could be a deal breaker.
     
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  17. 108

    108 Supporting Member

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    I would quit immediately and likely permanently disassociate with anyone I brought into my house and could not have a civilized debate, but instead had a heated argument coupled with insults.

    It takes much less than that for me to be disinterested in working with someone.
     
  18. TheDropout

    TheDropout Member

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    Id pass, i think its ok to get emotional about beliefs if that is a conversation that you're ok with having. However when insults fly rational thought goes out the window. If the guy hit you with insults he probably thinks negatively of you and would be a person i wouldnt want to work with.
     
  19. jrjones

    jrjones Supporting Member

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    It can work. My drummer is about as far as you can get in one direction. I’m pretty moderate but lean a little the other way. Occasionally he’ll go on a rant about politics. I don’t really say much unless he says something directly to me. There’s never any worthwhile discussion coming out of it. His mind’s made up beforehand. I’ll just quit talking and when he does I suggest we go over a song and get to work.
     
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  20. ZeyerGTR

    ZeyerGTR Supporting Member

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    If I was being a "hired gun" in a cover band or something I could probably put up with it to a degree, but it'd be a lot harder in a collaborative, creative effort. If someone's world view was just so different than mine (and they were pushy or vocal about it) it'd be a constant source of friction and stress, and who needs that? If someone had opposing beliefs but was respectful and we focused on the music (as I would try to do) then it might work. It's had for me to keep my mouth shut once a discussion is happening, although I would try my best to not start one ad I wouldn't go to a place of hurling insults. I feel passionately about some issues and they're a trigger. Better that I don't get started, which means being in a band with people totally opposite in world view would be a minefield.

    If it got to the point of yelling and insults at the first night then that doesn't bode well.
     

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