Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Jiffy_Jeff, Jun 1, 2015.
So what is a soulmate?
How do you define it? Or know if that is what you have?
I don't believe in soul mates, the one, fairy tale endings and any other hooplah. A good relationship is formed by two people who are committed to each other and willing to work the keep the relationship healthy.
While I have some reluctance to use the term because I'm not sure I believe in the 'soul' or anything like that...I think I've experienced this twice...
One I married. Shorter story, happily still together, have a son. No drama.
The other, we nearly killed each other over the 7 years we were off and on together. Not violence, but drugs and not eating.
But both, the instant I met them, I couldn't stop thinking about them. Not simple lust, sure there was that but, something else ---I felt like I knew them already. I could/can get what they are thinking, even down to subtle details. And they could do the same with me.
And I wouldn't try to defend this, if you said this was probably just my overactive imagination, but I've had recurring dreams of both of them in different eras of human history, different places. Strangely, a few times I've found the places while traveling, knew the layouts.
Now I'm super skeptical about supernatural things or whatever, but that is some strange stuff and I don't have a simple explanation.
And, regarding my wife, I've dated many women that objectively seemed like better matches. With the above mentioned ex, I would've told you the first week she was bad for me...well except the sex...But both had the instant..."I'm supposed to be with them, for better or worse." Just glad I got around to the better now, but it took the ex being locked up in the mental hospital for me to give up.
Unconditional love, amazing perception, loyal and always there for you.
I think it's a nice romantic notion that there is one and only one person on the planet for each of us. But the reality is, there are probably thousands who would be a good match. We typically settle for the first who comes along who stands out as the best so far.
Nothing wrong with that at all, and it often works out. Sounds like you have found one of yours.
Very true on all counts.
Imagine this scenario. You marry a woman who seems to be your 'soul mate'. She's athletic and fit and full of life and energy and you share all manner of adventures together.
Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, she falls ill, becomes sedentary, obese and depressed.
Is she still your 'soul mate'?
IMHO, if there is such a thing, it's someone with whom you feel you can be fully your true self. No facade, no games, no appearances. It's also someone who brings out the best in you by building you up and encouraging you, not tearing you down and finding fault in everything you do.
It also helps to have a similar sense of humor, and share religious and ideological values.
In the end, through good times and bad, it's the bad times which are the test.
In your case, unless young children are either already present or are in your future, marriage seems completely unnecessary.
Take that money and travel the world.
..... totally so
I don't know about "soul mate". That phrase is probably overused. For me, the "one" is someone that you can't imagine them not being in your life . They are the first thing you want to see in the morning and the last thing before you sleep. When you are apart, the thought of seeing them again excites and energizes you. If you are able to find that feeling with someone, don't ever let them go.
I would say that a soulmate is someone who helps you get in touch with yourself. Someone who reminds you that you are far from being the nice, kind, perfect soul that you may think you are.
She will be the one who helps you discover that there is still work you have to do on yourself. Your soulmate completes you. In other words, she is the exact opposite of you. Different in as many ways as it is possible to be different. But this very difference is what offers you the opportunity to grow, as an individual and as a couple.
Soulmate or not, whatever your beliefs are, enjoy it one day at a time. Live each day like it's your last. A lot of people engage in wrong relationships, they maintain this for years... I did it more than once for various reasons, me being wrong in making choices. It doesn't seem to be your case, so enjoy every minute of it, soulmate or not.
There are a thousand girls that could make you just as happy.
The coincidence of your paths crossing, and hooking up, etc.. is the tricky part. When that happens you should just hold on.
I wouldn't call my dog a soul mate, but he's definitely the best companion I've ever known. One of my favorite quotes: "Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really."
I don't believe in "soulmates" but Hahaha to dogs as a soulmate.
"Fido, you complete me."
Now I've heard everything.
The sex must be great. And that's a good thing. But is it a longer term thing? And is that what you want?
I don't believe in the "soulmate" thing so much but my wife and I are on the same page. Many times we are thinking the same things at the exact same time, it's uncanny. And we don't share all the same interests either, but there is a deep connection. I think that's what it's about- having that deep connection with someone.
Great sex + grunge fan + not being a teetotaler = my soul mate.
I didn't believe in soulmates either, until I found mine.
Soul mate can mean whatever you want it to. Some believe there is a predestined perfect mate out there for them, and if that's how you feel, you are the only one that can decide if she's the one. It sounds like you have a good thing going though, and as another poster said, your own personal commitment to the relationship is your greatest tool for success. The fact that it feels so natural to you is great!
True, but the factor of compatibility is crucial too. All mysticism aside, I think that's what a soulmate is -- someone with whom you're extremely compatible. No matter how much work you put into it, commitment to the wrong person is a recipe for unhappiness.
But what if the sex is fantastic?