What was your last straw? (quitting band content)

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by Sombras, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. Yer Blues

    Yer Blues Member

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    Yeah.... Lately I've almost been hoping someone else bows out and I could fallow, but I'm wondering now if I bow out will someone else follow.
     
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  2. Rod

    Rod Tone is Paramount Supporting Member

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    Make the move. It’s your life not theirs.....you’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. :):)
     
  3. edro

    edro Member

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    You will be surprised how much better you'll feel even once you give notice...
     
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  4. Rod

    Rod Tone is Paramount Supporting Member

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    Absolutely!!
     
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  5. Yer Blues

    Yer Blues Member

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  6. ruger9

    ruger9 Supporting Member

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    I've got a good one.... (I haven't quit the band yet, but...)

    One guy being heralded as the "band leader", even tho it was MY idea to start the band with these guys, even tho HE is the one who is routinely late to rehearsals, shows up unprepared (costing us valuable rehearsal time), and in reality isn't a better musician than others in the band. He doesn't book the gigs. He doesn't do the press. He sings 25% of the setlist, just like I do. He has a hobby that has a "season", and during that season, he is gone most weekends... so forget gigs.

    He HAS played more gigs than the rest of us over the last 35 years, but all of us have played hundreds, so none of us are rookies. He has 2 things "going for him":

    -he knows more local musicians and people than the rest of us, simply because he has continued playing gigs over the years, where the rest of us quit for awhile

    -regardless of his sloppy rehearsals, he is ADHD... so he "crams" for gigs on the day, and shows up prepared.

    Just burns me because, from the beginning, this was a band of friends, doing this for FUN, NO DRAMA was a prerequisite... none of us need the money, we are all 50 or older, it's supposed to be 5 people.... no leader. It's not like we play every weekend and keep a busy schedule.... this is just FOR FUN.

    The reason I haven't quit? I realize part of this is MY problem, and I should just let it roll off my back. *I* don't want to be leader (again- there's not supposed to be one), and in reality, he isn't "leading" a damn thing. Why some of the others want to look at it that way, when the rest of us have actually put in more work than he has, I have no idea.... but these are all friends- 2 of them OLD friends, and again... no drama.

    I actually had a guy say to me "he plays most of the solos, right?" Uh... no.... he plays half of them, just like I do. He sings 25% of the songs, just like I do. ???? I need to go meditate and find my center again...LOL
     
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  7. shadowbox

    shadowbox Silver Supporting Member

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    My final straw was drama-free. I was the sole guitarist in a cover band that was in very high demand. We were very good, and did not play the typical cover band fare. My band mates loved performing; I loved playing and the hang, but didn't care much for live performing. I quit because I wanted to take six months off from gigging to learn an entirely new repertoire of material and they disagreed. After realizing I'd spent the last five gigs composing shopping lists in my head, I'd decided I'd had enough. I was just stone cold bored.
     
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  8. MilesMitchell

    MilesMitchell Member

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    I just realized I've quit three times.

    It usually has to do with being overworked by an obsessive bandleader which I find unnecessary because at the end of the day, this should all be fun. I've had them verbally attack me in front of the band, accuse me of missing one note during a set, redoing parts right before going on stage, squash reasonable suggestions, cut me out of recordings without telling me, etc etc. I'm not the angry type so I never blow up in the moment, usually just file away and find a better time to say, sorry this isn't for me anymore.
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2020
  9. Rod

    Rod Tone is Paramount Supporting Member

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    Sorry.... kick him out of the band and get on with it...life is short! And he is obviously a narcissist.......... dangerous personality to be involved with in any band...or relationship for that matter.....
     
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  10. ruger9

    ruger9 Supporting Member

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    Not going to happen... we are all old friends. That's WHY we are playing together. This is how this guy has been his whole life. My wife and I actually stopped hanging with him and his wife because they were always so late (like HOURS) and unreliable. It was just too much work. He's gotten better, but it's like h's fighting his ADHD 24-7. sometimes (almost always) during rehearsal, while 2 of us are discussing the arrangement or something, he goes of on his own, playing whatever is in his brain at full volume. We have to yell at him and say DUDE! We're trying to talk here....

    All of which is FINE... because this is a very informal situation (old friends), but he's no damn "band leader!"
     
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  11. Rod

    Rod Tone is Paramount Supporting Member

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    Oh well.... good luck.... and I mean that sincerely
     
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  12. cygnusx1

    cygnusx1 Member

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    People not willing to make the best decisions for the and because friendship gets in the way.
     
  13. strat62

    strat62 Member

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    the last straw...?

    this



    there were other things
     
  14. enharmonic

    enharmonic Old Growth Gold Supporting Member

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    I’ve only quit two bands. In the first, one dude was verbally abusive to everyone for no good reason. I decided to walk before teaching that fool a brutal lesson.

    In the second, the guys didn’t want to gig or record. Felt more like poker night with instruments after a while. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
     
  15. ruger9

    ruger9 Supporting Member

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    That's exactly what our band is, by design. Good friends having fun. We do gig tho... just not every weekend. We have jobs, we don't need to "make it" or make additional income.
     
  16. Bobby D

    Bobby D Member

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    I was in the studio trying to record a follow up to our first hit, and this manager dude kept asking me for “something snappy” :banana

    I’ve quit bands, and I’ve been unceremoniously “let go”, lol. It’s never pretty. But I know where the bodies are buried :BluesBros
     
  17. Nikolai Frets Things

    Nikolai Frets Things Member

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    Bands are little families, and most families would implode if they lived in hotels and 15 passenger vans for years on end. A decade of that was my last straw, no acrimony, just fatigue.
     
  18. enharmonic

    enharmonic Old Growth Gold Supporting Member

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    Same here on the making it front. It was a matter of priorities for me. If I’m going to put time into writing original music, I want it to do “something”

    The “poker night” reference is fun for getting together to jam on music that already exists in the world, for sure. It can be a great way to let off steam or just unplug from the daily grind. I don’t assign any real hierarchy or value to that experience. It’s all valid, and there are far worse ways to spend free time :)

    Speaking only for myself, the time invested into writing original music is not trivial, and should have some measurable end result that goes beyond playing original songs that no one will ever hear.
     
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  19. uitar99

    uitar99 Member

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    Just one-met a couple (bass and drums) through an ad in a music rag-stayed with them for three years never missed a practice, learned my ****, until one day I was told I wasn't dedicated enough. This from an early 50's couple who decided they wanted to earn $50,000 a year from music, starting next year but were afraid to play in front of people.

    Left them and fell in with a friend of mine who was playing in a neighbours basement. Thats in 2005. All mid to late 40's at the time . We are still going.

    It's funny, most of the problems in this thread happen in the band I'm in. We have a leader-practice in his basement-he owns the sound-he has final decision on everything we play-generally drives most gigs and pay-controls set lists-everything. Guys have all kinds of medical issues, mental issues, substance issues at times, family sickness, death.

    Folks have a choice. You stay with it or you leave. Going to practice or gigs at 30 below is a real pain. Humping gear in your 60's is a pain, lol But we all chip in.

    But the rush...when the music starts...can't be beat.
     
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  20. ruger9

    ruger9 Supporting Member

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    ah yes.... agree on all that, with original music. We're a fun cover band. Totally different. Our drummer is in an original band tho- they are quite good. Don't know if they are still "tying to make it" or what, but they do record and gig. We are not young- everyone in my band is 50 or older. The original band he is in is youngER, but not young- not "still trying to make it" young, I don't think.
     
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