What's the funniest thing you've ever overheard in public?

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by beatcomber, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. SRQGuitar

    SRQGuitar Director of the 2019 Like Farming Initiative Gold Supporting Member

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    I just remembered another. Sitting in a restaurant and the waiter is describing the specials to a nearby table. The woman at the table says "I don't eat anything with a face." to which the waiter replies "Don't worry, we cut that part off."
     
  2. A-Bone

    A-Bone Montonero, MOY, Multitudes Gold Supporting Member

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    Lewis Black built a comedy routine around having overheard a young woman say: "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college."
     
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  3. Pete Cage

    Pete Cage Member

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    Many years ago, we're in Trak Auto. Two guys are in the next aisle over. One says, "Hey, why does a dog lick his balls?" The other, without missing a beat, comes back with, "Because you're not there."
     
  4. Fatherflot

    Fatherflot Member

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    Breakfast bar, Marriott Hotel in Downtown Kansas City, circa 1988.

    Obese mom to obese 10 year old: "Timmy, put some butter on your sausage!"
     
  5. Suave Eddie

    Suave Eddie Member

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    :spit
     
  6. BlueHeaven

    BlueHeaven Member

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    This was more bizarre than funny at the time but still pretty funny. I was by myself in a small restaurant in Wengen, Switzerland in 1985 and overheard a kid (maybe 10 or 11) talking with no discernible accent to his mom. The conversation went like this: "Mom, are we Irish? We're Irish are'nt we! Yeah, all my friends want to be Irish but they're not but we are right?" He said this over and over and then would launch into "So I took my cane and I just started bashing him, just bashing him on the head...Mom, are we Irish?" When the little psycho took a breath she would respond with "Will you just let me drink my wine"?
    This replayed over and over until she had consumed maybe 3 or 4 glasses and then was answering his Irish-fixated questions but ignoring his (hopefully only fantasy) cane beating stories. Obviously the lad had some issues but it was pretty surreal and funny at the same time.
    This experience was burned into my brain and I remember it like it was yesterday!
     
  7. 54Stratocaster

    54Stratocaster Member

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    After reading through this thread, I'm beginning to see how people like Dane Cook become famous.
     
  8. A-Bone

    A-Bone Montonero, MOY, Multitudes Gold Supporting Member

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    Zing!
     
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  9. Bhobb

    Bhobb Member

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    It was during the 2006 Commonwealth Games. As well as the athletic events, there were a lot of cultural events and street performers. On such street performance involved two blokes in kangaroo suits, large springs attached to their feet allowing them to actually hop. Pretty impressive. They were obviously male kangaroos. Nearby, there was a mother and her young daughter, maybe 6 yo.

    She asked, "Mum, what are those things?"

    Her mother replied, "They're the kangaroo's testicles. Do you want an ice cream?"
     
  10. Minte

    Minte *except for a few minor scratches* Gold Supporting Member

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    A few years ago, Mrs. Minte and I were out for dinner at a very nice German Restaurant that is local to us. Their soup of the day was liver Pate'. The chef forms the pate' into a small ball that is just a bit smaller than the soup cup. As we were enjoying the soup, 2 young couples sat down at a table next to us. They also got the soup. When it arrived at their table one of the fellows says, loud enough for most of the restaurant to hear.. What the hell is this? Turd soup? I am laughing now just recalling that story.
     
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  11. beatcomber

    beatcomber Member

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    American tourists abroad are a never-ending source of amusement/embarrassment.

    I was on a layover at the airport in Reykjavik, Iceland (en route to Paris), and was standing in a line of fellow travelers waiting to refill our water bottles at a drinking fountain. Keep in mind that Iceland has glaciers, so their water is probably some of the purest in the world.

    Behind me in line I overhead a conversation between a nice (but clueless) older American man and a very patient Dutch man.

    AMERICAN: Is the water here safe to drink?
    DUTCH: Huh? Yes, the water here is fine.
    AMERICAN: Good, because, y'know, in some countries you can't drink the water. My wife and I did a cruise to Mexico last year, and we were warned about drinking the water. It will make you sick, y'know.
    DUTCH (suppressing a laugh): I think you'll be OK drinking the water here...

    I was so embarrassed that I debated approaching the Dutch fellow and apologizing for the ignorance of my fellow countryman.
     
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  12. guitarwrench

    guitarwrench Silver Supporting Member

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    I was at a skatepark with my son and overheard one older boy telling a younger one, "if your Mom has to drives you to school, you're not a gangsta."
     
  13. chandlerman

    chandlerman Supporting Member

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    At the top of Mt. Lassen there is a display that presents information about the volcanic explosions that occurred around 1914 to 1917. A young boy says to his father "That could never happen again, this thing is solid rock now."
     
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  14. Jason_77

    Jason_77 Member

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    That just reminds me of this:

     
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  15. majorminor

    majorminor Silver Supporting Member

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    1983 senior high school trip to Anchorage and we are in a packed school bus full of kids 3 days from graduation. C Street was infamous for its 24/7 hooker activity and we come to a stoplight where several streetwalkers were huddled up smoking. One of the kids pinched the tabs, slides the half window down and yells:

    “Hey baby sit on my face!” And suddenly there is this shocked embarrassed silence on the bus.

    Without missing a beat one of the hookers yells back:

    “Why? Is your nose bigger than your d***k?!

    Everyone including the teachers and the driver were roaring.
     
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  16. Cyanea

    Cyanea Member

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    A good friend of mine was sitting in a hospital with his father-in-law, who had pretty severe dementia. A couple of guys walked by them, and one was speaking to the other using an electrolarynx. As they passed by my friend's FIL said to them, in an exact imitation of the electorlarynx voice, "I can talk like that too!"

    My friend said he almost died of the laughing/embarrassment combo.
     
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  17. ggwwbb

    ggwwbb Member

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    Co-worker who isn't the brightest constantly uses the term "procreate" or "propagate" instead of "populate" when he's talking about populating a blank space on the computer.....we've even corrected him numerous times and told him exactly what procreate means and he still says it. I need to dig up that annoying co-workers thread, I could post all kinds of stuff this idiot does and says.....
     
  18. Whiskeyrebel

    Whiskeyrebel Supporting Member

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    That reminds me of the Damon Wayans character on ILC - the convict who tried to use long words and sound educated, but constantly substituted anatomical, sexual or scatological words where they didn't belong.
     
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  19. ggwwbb

    ggwwbb Member

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    LOL....this guy, who is almost 50 years old, tries to use big words but, as in the above example, has NO clue what they really mean. Doesn't stop him from using them anyway....
     
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  20. Motorhed

    Motorhed Member

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    I remembered another. Is it surprising this took place in Wal-Mart? A guy was talking on his cell at an appropriate volume and suddenly he yells out "God dammit! That chaps my ass!"

    I got away to laugh cause I thought my laughter might, well, chap his ass lol. I was tempted to tell him "They probably have a cream for that over in the pharmacy section." I decided that probably wasn't the best idea hahaha.
     

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