Will you always be alone? (touring musicians)

Discussion in 'The Sound Hound Lounge' started by toneispower, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. toneispower

    toneispower Member

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    Hey guys...before I type this, I would like to thank TGP and everyone involved here. Not only helping me buy killer gear, but most of all.... becoming a better musician.

    This is a question for all you guys who are on the road like me all the time. Sorry if it's too personal. But...

    Do your relationships suffer OR are they non-existent because of you being gone all the time? I have been dealing with alot of relationship problems because of this. This is the only place I know of where I can get some answers?

    How do you guys deal with it? :facepalm -kyle
     
  2. Lucidology

    Lucidology Member

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    Don't know what to say really..
    After twelve years on the road, I wasn't able to hold down a relationship when touring.
    I'm sure that's not very encouraging ... but it just never worked out ...,
     
  3. shredtrash

    shredtrash Supporting Member

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    My relationship also failed when I was on the road. I think it's the nature of the beast for the most part.

    If I ever had to go on the road again, my wife is coming with me (for at least of lot of it) or I'm not doing it. That would probably be the only way to maintain the relationship.
     
  4. toneispower

    toneispower Member

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    Thanks for the reply. I think as long as I am doing what I'm doing...I will always be alone. Then again..you always have the occasional, "lady after the show" experience. But that's old as hell. I don't think I will ever find a meaningful relationship.

    How can you build one, when you're never there? -kyle
     
  5. ckeathley14

    ckeathley14 Member

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    When I was on the road (2.5 years straight) my then girlfriend now wife and my realtionship was as solid as ever...We had been together for about 5 years previous though...whe i did get to come home it was great cuz we made every minute count.
     
  6. Bluzeboy

    Bluzeboy Gold Supporting Member

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    I left the road after 2 wives and 3 dogs. Nature of the beast I suppose.
    Some relationships survive mine just didn't.
     
  7. Baminated

    Baminated Member

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    I have enough trouble making time for women playing locally

    Between practicing, teaching, gigging, writing, rehearsing - there is no time - ZILCH !

    Trying to get out of one right now w/great difficulty
     
  8. Gretsch1972

    Gretsch1972 Member

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    It really depends on who the "she" is. My wife is also a performer, although she does less now that she has a university teaching gig. Our relationship thrives on time apart, because when I'm home, I'm home. I'm not going to a day job. She's very independent, very non-jealous, and very cool. It can be hard to be away from home, and I miss her terribly, but we make it work. The real challenge is not being with my kid. That is never easy on any level. But it is my job. And I wouldn't be a great dad if I didn't do what I loved. So when I am home, they get my full undivided attention.
     
  9. toneispower

    toneispower Member

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    That sucks Banimated... Are you the one trying to leave?
     
  10. Baminated

    Baminated Member

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    Ya :jo

    I just haven't come to the end of myself yet, and perhaps I will always be chasing something that i'll never catch, but I am actually enjoying being productive. Seems like most of the unsupportive women i go out with just don't relate . . .
     
  11. sinasl1

    sinasl1 Member

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    It's TOUGH but I believe it can be done... you gotta be with a strong independent woman though! One that has a fulfilling career she loves as much as you love yours. Then she won't be (as) bummed out when you are gone. And you need to get together at every opportunity. So, 2 days off? Fly home, even for one night. Or fly her out to meet you.

    I haven't been able to make it work yet, but I was always with the wrong chicks too. Been single for 4 years, just dating, but I just got into a new relationship, and she is awesome- sings, paints, plays guitar, single mom with a kid she's crazy about (she's a great mom), and she's tight with her siblings and her mom- they are all creative people. She's got alot going on in her life. She's smokin hot too! Wish me luck, haha!
     
  12. GerryJ

    GerryJ Member

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    Luck favors the prepared.
     
  13. sinasl1

    sinasl1 Member

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    yessir and I think I'm prepared, getting my ass kicked in the last one I was in then spending 4 years single. :)

    I should add, I have friends who have made it work. Some who can't as well. But quite a few who can.
     
  14. KRosser

    KRosser Member

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    Check...

    (Going on 18 years)

    Strong independent women are the only kind, as far as I'm concerned...
     
  15. suhrbrutal

    suhrbrutal Senior Member

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    I just do Studio, Commercial, and local fill ins for touring bands with certain labels. I quit touring, and am enjoying my marriage. Unless you are in a more well known touring band, it is hard to bring significant others. I do have a new project coming out, that will require some touring if well received, which it appears it will be. I hope the wife can deal.....Seriously my relationship comes before anything else, even the music. It is a decision you you have to make one way or the other. I made mine.
     
  16. Ed Packer

    Ed Packer Silver Supporting Member

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    I'm NOT on the road and I have trouble making relationships work!!
     
  17. mondaythursday

    mondaythursday Senior Member

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    I sometimes "tour" when the situation or money is right. I usually call it going on the road for a spell. But I frequently go out of town to play. I am married with no kids. She sometimes travels for her job. I travel for mine on occasion. It works for us.
     
  18. jjboogie

    jjboogie Member

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    Chances aren't good for most touring musicians however it is possible to still have a great marriage.

    Been married coming up on 7 years which I know is not that long but my wife and I have a fantastic marriage.

    So much so that that we often give counseling at our church to other couples.

    My wife is also a musician too.

    Anyways the bottom line is whether you are on the road or not marriage takes a lot of work and sacrifice to make it successful.
     
  19. wichita

    wichita Supporting Member

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    Well I am 46 and I am not married.
    Was engaged but now.. not so much.
    I have no problem being faithful to the people I am with but most women do NOT like it when you are gone for long stretches and playing music in front of other women.

    I am with a wonderful girl right now.. but as always we shall see..
    I am not touring nearly as much as I did 10 years ago though thats for sure. Barely at all. Twice a year for a month at a time.
     
  20. Dexter.Sinister

    Dexter.Sinister Still breathing Gold Supporting Member

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    My old lady liked me better when I was touring. She is an independent soul. She went on the road with us a few times and that was nice for both of us, but the other guys didn't like it as well because they felt they had to "behave". Our relationship felt pretty solid for the ~5 years we were out. After I left that band and was preparing to relocate, she lost interest and drifted away.

    Not sure what to suggest to you. Maybe make friends with people that understand the lifetstyle of musicians.

    Good luck, DS
     

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